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I chugged my remaining wine. “I don’t need babysitting.”
“Of course you don’t, Nickels.” He wrapped me up in a hug I didn’t resist. “But you do need protecting.” He rubbed my back, pulling some of my stress out with each circle of his fingers.
I held back the tears that threatened while he held me, rocking slightly and rubbing my back the whole time. Neither of us was going to convince the other on this issue tonight. I couldn’t leave, he couldn’t stay long term, and I had to make peace with that. Until then, the safety of his embrace provided a cocoon from my shitty day. I kept my head buried against his chest, afraid that if I raised it enough to see his eyes, I’d be dragged right back to where we’d stopped.
“You can use the room on the left at the top of the stairs,” I told him.
“Sure,” was all he said. His hand continued the slow circles on my back. Kind motions replaced my tension with hope.
But hope was for fools. Letting this moment return to the passion of before would only make his departure more painful. I’d been broken too many times. I pushed away.
“Fine. I’m going to bed.”
Any more time in his arms and my defenses might crumble. I wouldn’t do it again. My heart had been ripped apart too many times already.
* * *
Josh
Dad’s callhad screwed things up royally. It had interrupted the kiss that might have led to much more this evening—more that we both wanted, or at least we’d wanted in that moment.
I should have taken the call in the other room. Talking to Dad in front of her had led to the obvious question of what he wanted, and lying to her wasn’t an option.
Her reaction to my openness had been to pull away. Assuring her that I didn’t intend to leave hadn’t calmed her. The distrust in her eyes was evident. She didn’t believe I wasn’t going along with Dad’s wishes this time, so I’d have to prove it to her.
It would take time for her to trust me, it seemed—a wait I’d have to endure because she was worth it.
After Nicole went upstairs, it took me two circuits of the old house to feel certain all the windows and doors were secure. The best weapon I could find lying around was a field hockey stick with Lara’s name on it—not as heavy as a baseball bat, but it would do the job. According to my phone, it was after one by the time I slipped into the guest bedroom across from Nicole’s room with my stick.
After settling under the sheets, I stared up at the ceiling with a pounding heart. My efforts to slow it were unsuccessful. Today’s whirlwind of emotional interruptions ran through my head on an endless loop.
Our dinner had been interrupted by Lara’s call and the murder on Nicole’s property. Our kiss had been interrupted by Dad’s call and his insistence that I change course once again.
Emotions normally clouded the truth, making logic harder to adhere to and the path too murky to discern, but not today. Today’s events had brought out deep emotions that clarified my path. And that path led directly to Nicole.
It might take time, but I would make her understand how I felt, and I damned well wouldn’t let some maniac with a knife threaten her.
Family always came first. That had been drilled into each of us Bensons and was a central part of who we were. As the last man standing working for Dad at our company, my duty had seemed clear: I needed to learn the ropes and be the best replacement for him I could be. But being true to myself came ahead of even that.
With every agonizing minute that passed, it became clearer. Nicole was my future, a future I had to try for. If things didn’t work out, it wouldn’t be because I’d let Dad dictate my actions.
A half hour or so later, an odd creak came from downstairs. Grabbing my less-than-lethal stick, I slipped through the door to the darkened hallway and listened. Eerie quiet filled the space, so I started down the stairs, careful to skip the last two treads at the bottom that had squeaked on the way up.
My circuit of the downstairs rooms came up empty. I ended in the kitchen, and after rechecking the back door, I turned and found myself staring at the refrigerator. A vision of Nicole’s beautiful face came rushing back, and the sensations of our kiss along with it. In mere minutes, she’d ruined me for other women.
Back under the covers upstairs, I found myself further from getting to sleep than before. The extra adrenaline my downstairs hunt for the source of that noise had produced was only a part of the problem. The bigger issue was the kiss replaying in my head. The feel of her, the smell of her, the taste of her—I needed more.
Ever since Dad and I had hashed out his succession plan for me and first signed the blue folder’s document, I’d wanted to get to the point of running our European operation. It had been the last step before taking over for him in every aspect.
If I got to that step, I knew in my bones that everything would work out. I’d have the autonomy I craved and be equal in all ways to what my brothers had achieved ahead of me. Being the youngest had always sucked: the last to get a driver’s license, the last to graduate, and the last to get to run my own business. But being last didn’t have to mean least. Our European operations were larger in revenue than any of my brothers’ endeavors. It would have been my chance to come out on top for once.
London or busthad been my motto, until today. Tonight I knew London could wait. There was one thing I wanted more than London, and she was sleeping across the hall.
Chapter 25
Nicole
As I lay awake goingover tonight’s events, everything was a jumble. I’d gone from enjoying dinner with Josh to fearing for Lara, to mourning Maro, and then hating that detective. That confusing kiss with Josh had taken me full circle—a kiss I couldn’t get out of my mind now.
