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“You’re a chicken shit. When are you going to man up and go talk to her?”
“Maybe you didn’t hear me last time. She made it pretty damned clear she’s not interested in talking. And I’ve moved on.”
“You want to know what I think?”
“No.”
“You’re both scared shitless. Her I understand, but you I don’t get. You’d face down a crackhead with a shotgun in a second, but a little woman and you’re shittin’ your pants.”
“Are you done?”
“I think you don’t have the balls. The big man with the big gun can’t face a poor, defenseless woman. She’s in love with you, man, and you have to go fix whatever it is you fucked up, and get her back before it’s too late.”
I tried to wrap my head around what she’d just said. She thought Kelly cared, when I’d been sure she’d changed her mind.
“Are you going to admit it or what?”
“Admit what?”
“That you love her so much you can’t live without her. Why else would you be drinking yourself to death and fucking up your career?”
“Are you done?”
“Are you so scared you need me to go with you?”
“Fuck that. I don’t need her.”
“If you don’t have the balls to go talk to her, don’t bother coming back here. I sure don’t want you as my partner if you can’t manage something that simple.”
She opened the door and got out. “Your choice.” She slammed the door and walked back toward the elevator.
I started the car and drove to Tommy’s bar.
I stopped out front and turned off the ignition.
The one thing Rylie had right was that all the drinking I’d done hadn’t achieved anything. It hadn’t eliminated the pain, only postponed it a few hours at a time. I’d been taking the coward’s way out.
I started the car again, turned around, and drove to where it had all begun.
Inside Angelica’s, they were just opening, and the dining room was empty. The hostess checked the time.
“Off work early,” I explained.
She led me toward a booth.
I ignored her. “I’d prefer this one.” I stopped beside the table where I’d met Kelly when this all began.
The hostess threw me a flirty smile. “That works too.”
I sat and ordered the same meal I’d eaten that first evening.
The food arrived, piping hot, looking and smelling as good as ever, but the first bite wasn’t the same. The next bite told the same story. It wouldn’t ever be the same.
I stared at my plate and played that night back in my head. I’d demanded complete honesty from her, and here I was not being honest with anybody.
I’d told Tommy at the bar I didn’t care anymore: lie. I’d told Rylie I didn’t need Kelly: lie. I’d told myself I could forget her and move on: the biggest lie of all.
Kelly dominated my thoughts, my dreams when I looked back at my time with her, and my nightmares when I looked forward to see a future without her.
