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I stood, feeling nervous, then moved to the hallway and rummaged through a closet for a sleeping bag. “I’m just going to grab a pillow from the other bed.”
By the time I got back to the guest bedroom, she was under the covers. There was a little light on in the corner. I turned off the main light and laid the sleeping bag next to her side of the bed. I tried to get comfortable, or at least as comfortable as a person could be on a sleeping bag. I’d slept in worse places.
“I can take the sleeping bag,” she said, as if reading my thoughts.
“Not a chance.”
Silence settled over us. I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep, so I just lay there, looking out the window. The storm was still coming down, but there was a backup light on the Whipplecabin, and it reflected into the room. I would’ve shut the curtain, but I liked light.
“Noah?”
“Yes?”
For a minute, she didn’t say anything. Then the bed creaked, followed by a soft sob.
I sat up, alarmed. “Ella?”
She turned to me. “I’m sorry. I should’ve forgiven you a long time ago. And then tonight, when that guy shot at us and you grabbed me and pulled me down and there was another shot, all I could think about was how I might lose you. And it’s not like I didn’t lose you a long time ago because of my own stupidity. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”
Those words triggered something inside me. I got up and sat beside her on the bed, pulling her against me. “Of course I forgive you.”
Her body shook as she cried. I kissed her head and rubbed circles into her back, murmuring comforting, nonsensical words into her ear.
I hadn’t realized how much I needed to hear those words. The years had gone by, and I’d let the hollowness inside of me slowly take over. There was no doubt I needed this woman. Her touch and her forgiveness made my world of black and white turn to vivid color.
My eyes wandered to her lips. I longed to kiss her, but I didn’t want to ruin anything. “I forgave you the moment it all happened. The moment you said you hated me, I forgave you. I could never be angry with you. I could never hold anything against you.”
“Don’t say that. That makes it worse.” She pushed against my chest, tears streaming down her face. “I don’t deserve it. My heart’s been so hard against you. I’m so stupid. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I said, grateful to finally have this discussion.
“It’s not. I took all the pain of losing my brother and blamed you. That’s not okay.” She sniffed. “It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t … my fault. It was an accident.”
She stopped, and her eyes widened. As if she was surprised by her own words.
“It was an accident, but it’s okay. I have you in my arms now.” I held her for a long time, and I knew I would never forget this moment. I would fight to keep her in my arms forever.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Ella
I awoke the next morning to sunlight warming my face. With a jolt, I remembered I was at the Whipple cabin.
Soft snoring came from the floor beside the bed. I turned on my side and stared down at Noah lying on the sleeping bag. I must have fallen asleep in his arms the night before.
I thought of all we had discussed, including my apology. Tears welled up, and I brushed them away. I’d finally been able to acknowledge what I should have years ago: it wasn’t Noah’s fault, and it wasn’t my fault either. My brother’s death was an accident, but I’d hardened my heart and used all the pain and anger to keep Noah away. I’d felt such relief last night when he’d said he already forgave me.
I didn’t want to wake him, but I was starving. I tiptoed out of bed, closing the door softly behind me, then made my way to the kitchen. After finding some eggs and bread, I quietly started making breakfast, mixing the eggs and heating a pan on the stove. Once the eggs were done cooking, I buttered the bread and warmed it up in the pan; I hadn’t been able to find a toaster.
A pair of strong arms wrapped around me from behind. “Good morning.”
I leaned back into him, loving the way his chest pressed against my back. I still didn’t understand everything, but I’d missed this man for so long.
His lips brushed my ear. “I want to kiss you.”
My heart thumped, and I acted on instinct. I turned in his arms and linked my hands behind his neck. “Why don’t you?”
He let out a light laugh, then leaned in and pressed his lips to mine.
