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Chapter Eight
Ella
After the incident with Kayla, the visit to the cemetery, and my encounter with Noah, I came home with the need to relax. I took the little motorized boat out on the water, where I cast a line and settled in for the rest of the afternoon. Grandma and Grandpa had loved to fish, and they’d insisted that Greg and I join them. Greg had enjoyed it way more than me, so this was a tribute to him.
Before long, the sun was going down in the sky, and I returned home to sit on the back porch swing with the same blanket from that morning. The heater was on, and in between sips of herbal tea, I sucked in a long breath. It had been a hard day, yet in some ways it had given me some closure.
I thought of Noah Armstrong and the way he’d looked when I’d told him I would never forgive him. It had played out exactly the same eight years ago. Did I feel guilty about that? Yeah. Guilty and sad and annoyed because he was so … sincere and handsome. In that way, the years had been kind to him.
His life wouldn’t have been easy, of course. There was so much pain behind those eyes, and part of me wanted to pull him into me and soothe it, appeal to it, talk about it. Let our pain mix.But I couldn’t. Both of us deserved to be in pain. Greg was gone; his life had been taken from him. I blinked back tears. Neither I nor Noah deserved anything but pain.
I thought about our teenage years. He had taken me to our first dance when we were fifteen. Staring into those eyes, I’d been a goner. Then he’d kissed me after prom.
I wiped away a treacherous tear and dismissed those memories. I couldn’t handle this day anymore. I had to quit remembering.
A knock sounded at the front door. The noise startled me; I wasn’t expecting anyone. Cautiously, I turned off the heater and slipped inside, shutting the back door behind me. I hurried through the house and looked out the peephole.
Then I relaxed. It was Mercy.
She grinned at me when I pulled the door open. Holding up takeout burgers from Carter’s Burger Place and homemade cookies, she said, “I brought food, so you can’t turn me away.”
I took a step back and allowed myself to be hugged. “Thank you.”
Mercy pulled back with a winning smile. “I thought you might want company. I’m starving. I’ve been intermittent fasting all day and I need one of these cookies.”
I laughed and went to the cupboards, getting out two glasses and filling them with water. I grabbed some napkins and headed to the table. We pulled out the food and began eating.
“This is heavenly,” I said, feeling soothed for the first time today.
“It is,” she said through a mouthful. She took a fry and dipped it in water.
I grinned. “You still do that?”
She popped it into her mouth. “Of course. It’s the only decent way to eat fries. Get them all nice and bloated.”
I laughed. Mercy’s presence was an immense comfort.
Mercy took a sip of her water. “How was today?”
Normally, I would’ve only shrugged, but Mercy was the only person I really had. She knew most things about me. Ever since I’d come back here and we’d started working together, we’d caught up quickly. Mercy was also divorced. She had a little girl named Megan. I assumed Megan was with Mercy’s parents tonight. They were always doting on her; it was so cute.
“Well, I was threatened by Kayla that I should never touch Noah again,” I said. “I guess it sent him into some kind of tizzy.”
Mercy’s mouth hung open. “Are you serious?”
I nodded. “Maybe not a tizzy, but apparently it messed with his head. Then I saw him at Greg’s grave.” I recapped our exchange. “You’re not going to like it, but I told him I couldn’t forgive him. Because I can’t.”
Mercy’s expression turned sad. She put a hand on my shoulder. “I get it. You love your brother, and it’s hard. Look, you have to forgive him, and you have to forgive yourself too.”
“Please stop.”
Mercy sighed. “Today at church, Pastor Jones talked about forgiveness. One of his points was that when we forgive each other, we free ourselves. Because when we hold on to something that has hurt us, it’s like taking poison again and again. The first poison should kill us, but not forgiving someone is actually like taking the poison again and again.” She waved a hand. “I didn’t lose a brother, but I lost a husband in our divorce. There were things that both of us did wrong. I have to pray that I can have forgiveness for him. Not just for myself, but for Megan. Because I want Megan to have a relationship with her father. He’s a good father to her. At least, he tries.”
I was stunned that she was telling me this. She hadn’t said the greatest things about her ex, so it made a big difference. I knew he had hurt her by having an affair. It was very generousfor her to say that he was a good father. “I don’t know what to say.”
Mercy sighed and took a chocolate chip cookie. “Don’t say anything. Just eat a cookie. It makes everything better.” She flashed another smile. “I figure I can eat three of these because I saved calories from the other meals today.”
I had never followed any sort of diet, but food had never been a major concern for me. I shrugged and took a cookie. “You make the best cookies. Thank you.”
