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Getting over his pride and humiliation had been hard. He hated having to ask people for help, and the whole period had beentraumatic for him, especially when the timing had been shit. He’d lost his painting and decorating job and had been trying to get the studio off the ground. Sam had forced some financial help on him and Arran had been grateful but uncomfortable with the whole thing. He’d been paying Sam back gradually, a little each month since.
But despite all that, he couldn’t fault her. She’d done the right thing when he’d been blind. Their relationship had run its course, but when they might have called time on it earlier, having Jayce had made them carry on—out of habit and convenience rather than love. Jess had done him a favor when she’d left him before they’d made the mistake of going through with the wedding. Plus she’d given him the gift of their son and set him on a path that had led to Liv.
All the resentment and anger he’d felt toward her earlier, when he’d suspected her of attempting to sabotage him and Liv, had fizzled out. Because really, it had been self-sabotage on his part—his attitude over the past year had seeped into Liv’s psyche, ready to grow out of control and cast doubts on his feelings for her when the time came. It had been unbeknownst to him, but his fault nonetheless. “What do you want to say to me?” he asked gently.
She sighed. “I’m just…so confused. I thought I knew what I wanted. I was so sure we weren’t going anywhere and it’d reached a natural end. Now I feel that way about Rory and me.” She fiddled with her rings. “I felt like I had to say something to you. We’ve got Jayce and that binds us together.” She trailed off, meeting his eyes, and tears were forming.
He took a deep breath, then reached for her hand. “Listen. I think what’s really happening here is a reaction to the loss of your and Rory’s relationship. It’s not me you’re craving; it’s familiarity.” He sighed. “Don’t take this the wrong way. But I think, if the situation were the same and I was completely single, you wouldn’t be hereasking me to get back together. I think that subconsciously, it’s the fact that I was involved with someone else that made the idea of me more attractive to you. But that’s not real; it’s just an illusion. Created by your sadness over what’s happening with you and Rory.”
She remained silent, eyes down, but didn’t try to argue.
He gave her hand a squeeze. “You’ve always had trouble with being on your own, Jess. But being single is better than being with the wrong person. I’m not the answer here.Youare. You need to spend time with yourself and figure out what it is you really want.”
From her resigned expression, he could tell that she knew he was right. She stared at where he was holding her hand for a few seconds, blinking. Her voice was strained. “Maybe.”
“Listen,” he told her, letting go of her hand. “Things weren’t right before Rory came along, were they?”
Jess glanced up and shook her head.
“He wasn’t the cause of us going wrong, just the consequence. So the fact that you and he aren’t going to be a forever thing has no bearing on the fact that you and I weren’t a good fit either.”
Something seemed to click in her eyes, and she let out a big sigh, rubbing her face. “I guess…I know you’re right.”
He studied her for a moment, guilt washing over him. “I owe you an apology.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “What for?”
He swallowed. “What you said earlier, about your life changing completely when we had Jayce, but mine not doing the same. You hit the nail on the head. I think one of the many things that were not right between us was that I took a lot of what you did for granted. I should’ve pulled my weight more. With him, and lots of other stuff.”
He closed his eyes in discomfort as he remembered the things he’d told Liv a few weeks back. About pretending to load thedishwasher wrong to get out of doing it. About making out he was worse in the kitchen than he really was. “I’m sorry I didn’t see it at the time. But I’ve got a lot of work to do on myself. And I’m going to do it.”
She nodded slowly. “Thanks for saying that.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m also sorry for not noticing that you were feeling down. I should have.”
She managed a weak smile. “And I’m sorry things ended the way they did. I should have told you sooner about my doubts. Nothing happened with Rory until after, by the way, but my attraction to him did give me the push to leave.”
Arran smiled back. “To be honest, I should thank you for that. I clearly couldn’t see the forest for the trees where we were concerned, and you speaking up when you did saved us a load of heartache and hassle. Better to do it pre-wedding than post, and have a divorce to navigate.”
She raised her eyebrows. “I didn’t expect you to see it that way.”
He shook his head, trying to keep the emotion from his voice. “Liv helped me to see it that way.”
Jess managed a weak smile. “She’s a good one. Hold on to her.”
Arran smiled back. “I intend to.” He took a breath. “I think we should re-evaluate our childcare arrangements, make sure it’s fifty-fifty down the line. It’s not fair for you to shoulder the lion’s share of responsibility, and I should’ve realized that before.”
Jess swallowed. “I’m good with it, by the way. With Liv being involved with Jayce. She’ll make a great co-parent.”
The idea of Liv co-parenting his son with him made his heart swell to twice its normal size. She was his family and had been for the past year. He’d just been too much of an idiot to see it.
She managed a stronger smile. “Okay. Let’s chat more about it soon.” She stood. “I think I’d better get back to Mum’s.”
He eyed her for a moment. “Will you do me a favor?”
Jess nodded. “After barging in here twice in quick succession? I think I owe you more than one.”
He smiled. “Can you consider getting some support for your mental well-being? I’m sorry that I didn’t see what you were going through after we had Jayce. I think I just normalized it as our transition into parenthood. But I want you to be happy, for Jayce’s sake but also your own. I still care about you even though we aren’t in love anymore.”
