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Morgan walked over to the bench and peered at the piles of cannoli shells. ‘Wow,’ he said, sounding impressed. ‘There’s a lot of them.’
‘Sure is,’ Jess said, feeling a little flustered.
‘Are you feeling okay today?’ he asked, way too casually.
‘Yeah, I’m good.’ She looked away before she could catch a glimpse of sympathy in his eyes. She didn’t deserve that. Not in the slightest.
His hand came to rest softly on her back. ‘Can I offer a helping hand?’
‘No but thank you.’ She forced a tiny, quivering smile. ‘I’ve only got another …’ she counted the ones she’d already done, ‘… fifty-three to go.’
‘Righto, but only if you’re sure you can handle all those bad boys.’
‘I reckon I can,’ she said as casually as she could.
She turned away from him, focusing on the task at hand – the cannolis. As she piped the filling into the shells, she tried to push the guilt and shame out of her mind, but she could feel him, standing at the sink, drinking his water and watching her. She couldn’t help but feel a wave of discomfort at his attention, as covert as it was. It was hard enough keeping her secret from him but feeling his genuine concern for her made it all the more difficult.
If only he could give her a little space.
Morgan, however, wasn’t about to leave and let her be. ‘I honestly don’t mind calling it a day and helping you instead.’
She stopped piping and turned to face him. ‘Like I said, I’ve got it covered, but thank you.’
‘But you don’t have to do all of these alone.’ Morgan took a step forward, his hand reaching out to touch her arm. ‘Let me help you.’
Jess pulled away from him, shaking her head. ‘I’m good, thanks.’
Morgan furrowed his brow, concern and hurt etched on his face. ‘Okay then, I’ll leave you to it.’
‘Sure, catch you a bit later on.’ She turned back to the cannolis, feeling defeated, horrible and just plain bitchy. But she couldn’t be around him right now. It was too hard. She had to protect herself, and him.
Morgan sighed, and tugging his hat back on, headed back outside, leaving her exactly where she needed to be, with her hands busy, her mind focused and her breath going back to some kind of normal.
* * *
The morning of the wedding arrived. Bleary-eyed from her lack of sleep, after a catch-up call with Chiara and her nonno, Jess tried to focus wholly and solely on her duties as a maid of honour. She’d even managed to put a smile on her face for the pre-wedding photos as she, Annie and Shanti had enjoyed their pre-ceremony time together, but in the midst of cheering glasses of bubbly, having her hair and make-up done, and fighting back emotions as she’d helped Shanti into her stunning antique lace gown, her mind kept flittering elsewhere. She couldn’t stop thinking about Morgan and the conversation they might need to have, about the devastation it could cause and the heartbreak it would likely bring. She couldn’t stop beating herself up for keeping everything from everyone she held dear, and for so long. And she couldn’t stop wondering, now the truth was so near, if it was Salvatore and Chiara who deserved to know about it all before Morgan did.
As the ceremony began, Jess moved in time to the music as she walked down the rose petal aisle, the softness of her silk gown brushing against her trembling legs. She could feel Morgan’s gaze on her, but she was too afraid to meet his sapphire blues, for fear of breaking down. Sunlight shone through the stained-glass windows of the church, its beams like a kaleidoscope of colour, making the space feel even more magical than it already was. Breathing in deeply, she took her place next to Annie. Trying to hold back happy tears, she watched Shanti take the limelight, her arm in the crook of her mother’s, her steps in time to ‘I Can’t Help Falling in Love with You’, sung by none other than the man himself, Elvis Presley.
Jess’s heart melted as Roberto and Shanti exchanged their pledges and promises, then exchanged rings. As the priest read a passage about love and loyalty, she couldn’t help but think about her own cancelled wedding and the pain she’d caused Morgan because of it. Time and time again she had to hold back emotions, tears of joy and tears of deep-seated heartbreak, knowing the man of her dreams was standing mere metres from her, and yet felt so far out of her reach.
As the newlyweds shared their first kiss as husband and wife, she finally met Morgan’s gaze. The intensity of his regard made her heart skip more than a few beats. The love and longing in his eyes were unmistakable, and she felt the familiar pang of culpability in her chest. She wanted to reach out to him and tell him how much she still loved him, but the fear of hurting him, of breaking his heart all over again, held her back. There was something unsaid between them, something that needed to be addressed. And until that happened, her heart and hands were tied.
Cheering along with the guests as Shanti and Roberto made their way down the aisle, her heart momentarily soared knowing that her best friend and brother were finally together. Thank goodness she’d thought to tuck a tissue into her bra, because she needed it to dab the corners of her eyes. It had been a long journey for them, with a lot of ups and downs, but with undivided dedication to each other they’d made it work. Roberto and Shanti were living proof that love could and did prevail. As the ceremony came to a close and the applause died down, even though Annie was right beside her and she was surrounded by people, she felt very alone. Her heart yearned for a love like theirs, a love that could conquer all obstacles. The kind of love that she would’ve had with Morgan. The kind of love she’d royally stuffed up, in every way possible.
More fool her!
The afternoon smoothly rolled into the evening, and with two hours of wedding photos now behind them, along with the formalities of dinner and speeches, the part Jess had been looking forward to most was here. Watching eagerly from the sidelines, she held up her phone, camera at the ready to capture the first dance as the newlyweds took to the glimmering dance floor. Swaying gently to Etta James’ ‘At Last’, after a few twirls Roberto tipped his beautiful bride back, and her veil floated as the play of light caught their love-filled expressions. Jess clicked one, two, three times, freezing the perfect moments in time in quick succession as she gushed with all the emotions – she still believed in the power of love, she just didn’t know if she was destined to ever be so lucky to have a man love her like Roberto loved Shanti. There was a lot to be said for tying the knot with your childhood sweetheart. It meant you knew each other inside out and back to front, which made for a solid foundation, one that would help each person get through the hard times.
The kind of love she and Morgan had once shared.
At the end of the moving song, Roberto looked over to her and offered a knowing smile. Hugging herself, she returned it. Spinning in Roberto’s arms, Shanti followed her new husband’s gaze and winked at Jess, her smile as bright as the sunshine she seemed to carry with her everywhere she went. Jess was surprised her bestie didn’t leave little sparkles of it with every step, the way her spirit glowed so radiantly. She was blessed to call Shanti her best friend. If only she lived nearer, she’d be able to spend much more time with her, and Chiara would quickly understand why she adored her new Aunty Shanti so very much.
Unable to bring herself to join the guests moving onto the dance floor, she grabbed the chance to step outside for some fresh air. Trying to suppress the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks, she leant against the wall of the building. As she took deep breaths, she couldn’t help but think about how mesmerising the day had been and how happy she was to have been there to share it. The love between Roberto and Shanti was profound, and it made her heart ache with a bittersweet combination of joy and sorrow. She’d once been a hopeless romantic, one who believed in finding a soulmate and living happily ever after. And with Morgan, she’d proved it was real. But now she truly believed she was never going to have the love her brother and Shanti shared, nor did she deserve to. But Morgan would, she was almost certain of it. And the woman he would love until his very last breath wasn’t going to be her. She closed her eyes, trying to push away the negative thoughts. But as she did, she heard footsteps approaching.
She opened her eyes cautiously, not sure who it could be. But when she spotted who was heading her way, her heart stalled then galloped. ‘Morgan.’ Embarrassed he’d caught her feeling sorry for herself, she sniffled, straightening.
‘Hey, Jess.’ His warm hand gently touched her shoulder, and his kind eyes looked at her with heart-touching concern. ‘Are you okay?’ he asked softly.
