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‘Thank you.’ She turned to walk away. ‘Night, Morgan.’
‘Night, Jess.’
* * *
Slamming into reality from the depths of sound sleep, Jess sat bolt upright, her breath held and her hearing honed as she tried to figure out what had startled her awake. A few seconds passed and nothing but the quiet of night met her. She glanced at her bedside clock: 3.23 am. It must have just been the wind. She needed to chill out. Chastising herself for being so paranoid, she settled back into her pillow and tugged her doona up to her shoulders. As she closed her eyes, the smack of something against the side of the house had her heart slamming again. Grabbing her phone, she hit the torch button and, shooting from the comfort of her bed, she tiptoed towards the window. Peeling the curtains back with one finger, she peeked through the crack as she reminded herself to breathe. The glowing, beady eyes of a possum stared back at her. Her hand going to her thrashing heart, she burst into laughter. She really needed to stop being so, for lack of a better word,uncountrified.
Five hours later, she stirred to sleepy life with the realisation that she needed to get a grip, stop crushing on Morgan and find her centre again, or risk falling off the edge and into volatility. Shanti needed her. Roberto needed her. Chiara needed her. Her nonno needed her. She didn’t have the luxury of going off the rails. Before the rug of her existence had been ripped out from beneath her feet, the day her parents had died, her life had been so put together. Heck, she’d been born with all her ducks in a row. But after losing her mum and dad, which wasn’t her fault, then losing Morgan, which was all her fault, then marrying a son of a bitch, more fool her, her life had become disorganised chaos at best, a raging tornado at worst. But there was no feeling sorry for herself. She needed to get up. Face the day head-on. No matter what. Even though overwhelming exhaustion was wrapping itself around her like a heavy cloak, she was hell-bent on welcoming the new day in with a smile. Fake it till you make it, and all of that. She had this. She could do this.
Blah blah blah!
With her speech to herself over with, she threw her legs over the side of the bed, stood and took determined steps towards the kitchen, where she would slap her senses to life with a strong cup of coffee. But first, she needed some water. Yanking the fridge open, she reached inside and grabbed a bottle. Halfway to grabbing an apple, she thought better of it. Why did she have to be so goody-two-shoes with her food choices all the time? To hell with it, she was on holidays, and she was going to eat whatever she felt like. Heading over to the walk-in pantry, she grinned at the packet of salt and vinegar chips. It had been yonks since she’d sunk her teeth into such deliciousness. But she hadn’t forgotten how the taste could cure almost anything, especially once she got to the bottom of the bag, turned it inside out, and licked the remnants of the flavouring. That always made her eyes twitch.
Next up, she was going to call her beautiful little girl.
Twenty minutes into the conversation, tears filled her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away. ‘You make sure you keep being a good girl for Nonno, won’t you, Chiara.’ If she allowed as much as a tiny sob to escape her, she’d be a goner.
‘I promise I will.’
‘I miss you, my sweet girl.’
‘I miss you, too, Mum, sooooo much.’
‘I’ll call you again tomorrow, okay, and you can tell me all about your school party.’
‘Okay, Mum, I’m sure there’ll be lots to tell you.’ Chiara squealed and giggled. ‘I love you, nighty night.’
From her seat at the dining table, Jess stared through the kitchen window into the bright morning sunshine. ‘Nighty night, sweetie.’
Ending the phone call, she felt her frayed heart squeeze excruciatingly tight as her breath caught in a painful knot somewhere deep within her chest. A soul ache. That’s what she had. And resistance was futile. She needed to let it out. And the best way to do that was to head outdoors. So she quickly cleaned her teeth, washed her face, stripped off her pyjamas, slipped on her favourite bikini, whipped herself up another coffee and sculled it while jigging on the spot because it was too hot. Then she grabbed her straw hat, sunglasses and half-eaten packet of chips, along with her bottle of water, some mind-numbing reading material, her AirPods and her phone, and made her way to the back door.
Stepping out of the coolness of the cottage, she almost retreated back inside, then thoughtstuff sitting around, cooped up all day long. But holy moly, it was hot. Actually, it was hotter than hot. Too hot to think straight. Not that she cared, because she was done with overthinking everything anyway. Running on her tippy toes, she balanced her armful of belongings as she raced along the scorching floorboards, sighing with relief when she reached the coolness of the back lawn. Spreading her towel on the old sunlounger, she adjusted her bikini, popped her hat on, and then got herself settled with her magazine and a playlist of her favourite seventies music.
Halfway through reading about the latest Hollywood breakups, a sixth sense washed over her, and she turned just in time to see Morgan striding towards her, but he didn’t appear to have seen her, his gaze instead glued to the back door. She quickly plucked her AirPods out as heat flooded her, the thudding of her heart drowning out any other noise.
He came to a sudden stop, a few metres from her. ‘Wow, hey there.’ He didn’t seem to know where to look.
‘Hey, Morgan.’ She pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head. ‘What’s up?’ Like it or not, her attention was caught and captured. Hook, line and sinker.
And going by the sparkle in his eyes as he lifted his sunnies, so was his.
‘Nothing’s up, just thought I’d stop by and see how you were doing.’ He lifted his hat and ran a hand through his wind-tousled hair.
The gesture triggered the soft spot she still held for him, and him alone, in her heart. ‘Other than melting in this heat, I’m good, thanks.’
‘Yeah, it’s a bit of a scorcher today.’ He looked towards the sun, squinting as if to underline the fact, before looking back at her.
A too-long, too-silent pause made her heart pound faster, harder. He wasn’t in a rush to fill the silence. And she didn’t have any decipherable words to blurt out. So she sat up, grabbed her water bottle, twisted the lid off and took a decent glug. The time it took for her to do so helped to slow her galloping pulse.
‘Right, well, I’ll let you get back to it, and I’ll get back to it too.’ He flashed her a brazen smile, then turned on his boot, and strode away.
‘Catch you a bit later, then,’ she called after him.
‘Yup, will do,’ he said with a wave over his shoulder, without looking back.
Feeling a little, no,a lot, chuffed that the sight of her in her bikini had left him a little tongue-tied, she eased back down and closed her eyes against the glare of the sun. The lingering warmth of him, and the heat of the day, had her drifting off to floaty places. Sighing with the peaceful feeling, she sunk deeper into it. It was nice to feel so relaxed.
But that all changed when big fat raindrops fell, stinging her skin as they struck. Sitting bolt upright, she grabbed her towel and made a run for it. She sprinted up the stairs, but she was dripping wet by the time she reached the back door. Giggling to herself, she looked at her watch, surprised to see the time – she’d been asleep for almost two hours. It was amazing what could happen when she chose to pick up the dragging reins of her life and get a firm grip.
