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Crow and Hunter don’t remember a lot of what happened during those early years. They have their own scars and are both so badly messed up that it hurts to remember. Hell, I am, too, but I don’t shy away from the pain. I learn from it. But they don’t remember the beatings, the bread that had mould, they don’t remember the kids that disappeared or the police who came looking. Some of the situations that only became terrifying once I could view it from the lens of an adult’s perspective have haunted me.
Keeping Hunter and Crow safe became my entire purpose in life. I was savage and made myself unapproachable. I didn’t want to be adopted or fostered. My intent was to just stay with them.
And it worked. I was only taken from the place the one time. After the third night, the woman hit me so hard, my face went completely numb, and she broke my arm. The next morning, she brought me back.
Crow had crawled into my bed, sobbing silently. It took hours to console him. And Hunter’s fear and grief were silent.
This place reminds me of the playground we used to hide at. Where we would come to escape the nightmare. I sit on the swing, and a kick of my leg sends me sailing through the air.
I presented as an alpha first, when I was thirteen in the middle of a fight with a bigger kid. That moment when I felt that power crack open inside of me was indescribable. I could feel the weakness of the beta in front of me, smell everything better. I felt amazing. It was like I was living my life with dulled senses, and I’d finally awoken.
After that, there wasn’t anyone that could hurt the three of us when I was around. They tried getting rid of me a couple of times, but they couldn’t do anything, and no one was game to touch me. The one person who touched Hunter ended up in the hospital for a month. When they told the police that I did it, thepolice looked at how small I was and laughed them out of the station.
Since then, it’s been a game of providing security. House. Job. Work. Keeping the pack safe.
She feels like a threat. But she’s a threat I can’t stay away from. I want to speak to her, just to explain. I want to beg for forgiveness. To understand why she feels so dangerous and so good? What is she, our salvation or our ruin?
I pull out my phone and look at the missed calls. Why is Eric calling me? I dial him back straight away.
“Boss.”
“Yes, what’s going on?”
“You know those photos you were looking at the other day? Those people?”
My mind puts it together instantly. “Yes, what about them?” I ask guardedly.
“They’re here. Crow and Hunter haven’t noticed yet, but it won’t be long.”
FUCK!
I turn and race for the car, wondering if I will make it in time to stop anything terrible from happening.
The drive takes forever, and I curse out more than a few slow-moving vehicles. I park at the back and race in the back door. Eric spots me straight away.
“What are they doing? Is she with them?”
Eric shakes his head. “Looks like they are scoping the place out, boss.”
That’s not a good thing. My disappointment crushes me, and the world gets darker. Subconsciously, I think I was hoping she was here.
That I could see her. Just talk to her.
Because I miss her.
And it’s killing me that she’s not here. That I don’t know if she is safe or not. I just need to know that she’s okay, and now I sound like Crow and Hunter.
Would I be happy with just that information? Yes. I would. But I know I don’t even deserve that much.
I take a moment to collect myself, hiding all my feelings and putting my alpha mask on. My breathing is still too hard, so I wait. I get a text and look down, seeing the message from Crow saying SOS, which is our code for help.
I walk out calmly. The trick to controlling almost all situations is to be confident and calm. If you act like you know what you’re doing, then most people will look at you and assume you do, too.
I open the door and look out at the bar, spotting him immediately, and almost instantly, my legs buckle. I hold myself up with sheer willpower. He has her eyes.
Even from here, I recognise those eyes.
And something inside me rips painfully. I don’t know if it can be fixed. I don’t know if I can recover, but I know that I need her back.
