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Amanda shook her head. "Not exactly. But people aren't blind, honey. There's been speculation for weeks about the two of you. Your disappearance today just added fuel to the fire."
Eden groaned, sinking back against the couch cushions. "This is a nightmare. I've ruined everything, haven't I? My career, the show, any chance I ever had with Genevieve . . ."
"Hey, now," Amanda said firmly, giving Eden's shoulder a gentle shake. "Nothing's ruined yet. But you need to tell me exactly what's going through that head of yours. And don't just say it’s all about what happened with Genevieve. I know you, Eden. You’ve waited your whole life for an opportunity like this production. There’s more to it than a bruised ego."
Eden was quiet for a long while, struggling to put her jumbled thoughts into words. Finally, she spoke, laying all her insecurities bare for the one person she knew wouldn’t judge her for them. "I was scared. Not just of facing Genevieve, but of facing all of them. I kept thinking about how I'd probably let everyone down, how I wasn't good enough for this role in the first place. From day one I’ve . . . I’ve felt totally out of my depth, and it’s only partially to do with the whole banging-my-director thing."
Amanda listened intently, her brow furrowed in concern for her friend. Eden's voice trembled as she continued her confession, tears threatening to spill over once more. "It was like everything just came crashing down at once. I'd been fumbling through day by day, pretending I wasn’t completely overwhelmed . . . like I could handle it all. And then in that one moment, I just felt like a child . . . like I had no business being there at all. I mean, how can I call myself a professional? A grown woman, even? I practically begged Genevieve to sleep with me because I thought a little bloody life experience would make me a better actress!"
"Just because Genevieve didn’t reciprocate your feelings, doesn’t mean you’re some giant doughnut, Eden. And we’re all fumbling through this crazy life in one way or another. How can you be so hard on yourself?"
Eden shook her head, wiping at her damp eyes with the back of her hand. "It wasn't just that. It was . . . it was the way she looked at me. Like I was delusional. And suddenly, I started doubting my own damn mind."
She took a shuddering breath, her words coming faster now as if a dam had broken. "I came home and all I kept thinking about was all the times Genevieve had to correct me, all the scenes we had to redo because I wasn't quite getting it right. And I started wondering if maybe she'd made a mistake casting me. If maybe she’d just been humouring me this whole time because I was this pathetic girl falling at her feet."
Amanda opened her mouth to protest, but Eden pressed on, her voice rising with emotion. "The show is better off without me, Mands. I see that now. Mara will do a much better job as Beatrice. She's been there for every rehearsal, she knows the part inside and out. She won't let her stupid feelings get in the way of the performance."
"Eden, stop," Amanda said firmly, gripping her friend's chin and forcing her to meet her gaze. "Listen to me. You are not a mistake. You were cast in this role because you are talented, because you bring something unique and special to the character. One moment of vulnerability doesn't erase all of that."
But Eden was shaking her head, resigned to drowning beneath the crushing weight of her own failings. "You don't understand. I'm not up to this task. I'm not the lead actress everyone thought I could be. I'm just . . . me. And that's not enough. Not for this show, not for Genevieve, not for anyone."
Amanda's expression hardened, fierce determination replacing her earlier concern. "All right, that's enough of this pity party. You want to know what I understand? I understand that the tech rehearsal today was an absolute trainwreck without you there. Mara sucked, and Genevieve was pulling her hair out.The damn president of the company was having a coronary in the front row."
Eden blinked, caught off guard by the sudden shift in Amanda's tone. "What?"
"You heard me," Amanda pressed. "I've got friends in the crew, remember? They told me everything. The understudy was a mess, stumbling over her lines and completely lacking the passion you bring to Beatrice. The other actors seemed lost without you there to play off of. Even the tech aspects were off because they couldn't get the timing right without your performance to guide them."
Eden listened in stunned silence as Amanda recounted the day's events as she’d heard them through the theatrical grapevine.
"But that's not even the worst part," Amanda went on. "Apparently, Genevieve was completely thrown off her game, she had no idea how to bring the whole thing back from the brink. People are saying they've never seen her like that before. Distracted, irritable, constantly checking her phone. She was a far cry from the cool, collected legend everyone's used to seeing. She didn’t even give Mara notes, just pulled her aside to ask if she knew where you were!"
A small flicker of hope ignited in Eden's chest at Amanda's words, but she quickly squashed it down. "That doesn't mean anything," she muttered. "She was probably just worried about the production falling apart."
Amanda rolled her eyes. "Or maybe, just maybe, she was worried about you. Did that ever cross your mind?"
Eden shook her head stubbornly. "It doesn't matter. The point is, I’m a fraud and a coward and I've ruined everything. They’re probably going to scrap the whole thing before it even gets to opening night."
"Are you even listening to yourself right now?" Amanda exploded, jumping to her feet and beginning to pace the small living room. "Eden, this is your big break! The role you've been dreaming of, and working toward for years. Are you really going to throw it all away?"
Eden flinched at Amanda's words, but a spark of anger flared in her chest. "Maybe it’s time I give up on this dream! I’m clearly not cut out for it!"
Amanda stopped pacing and turned to face Eden with her hands on her hips. "So that's it then? You're just going to give up? Let Mara take the role and fade into obscurity?"
"Maybe that's for the best," Eden mumbled, but there was a hint of uncertainty in her voice now.
"For the best?" Amanda repeated incredulously. "Eden, do you have any idea how many actors would kill for this opportunity? How many people dream of working with Genevieve Howard and never get the chance? And you're just going to walk away from it all because you're scared that you’re not up to the task? I’ll be real with you, hon, that reeks of spite."
Eden opened her mouth to argue, but Amanda pressed on relentlessly. "No, you don't get to speak right now. You're going to listen to me, Eden Rowley. You are talented. You are passionate. You are exactly what this production needs. And if you throw it all away because you're too afraid to face your feelings, you'll regret it for the rest of your life."
Tears were streaming down Eden's face now, but Amanda wasn't finished. "I know you're hurt. I know you're scared. But you can't let that fear control you. You have to face this head-on, Eden. You have to fight for what you want."
"But what if I can't?" Eden squeaked. "What if I can't face Genevieve? What if I've already ruined everything beyond repair?"
Amanda blew out a frustrated sigh. She knelt in front of Eden, taking her hands in her own. "Then at least you'll know you tried. But you can't give up without a fight, Eden. You owe it to yourself, to the cast and crew who've been working their asses off, and yes, even to Genevieve, to see this through."
Eden sniffled. Part of her wanted nothing more than to burrow back under her blanket and hide from the world. But another part, a part that sounded suspiciously like Beatrice, was urging her to stand up. To fight. To reclaim what she'd worked so hard for.
"I don't know if I can do it, Mands," she admitted, her voice small and weak. "I don't know if I'm strong enough."
