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But as quickly as it had come, the moment of levity passed. Eden's smile faded, replaced by a look of uncertainty. "The thing is, Mands . . . I think I might be in trouble here."
Her friend reached across the table, squeezing Eden's hand reassuringly. "What do you mean?"
Eden took a shaky breath, finally voicing the fear that had been gnawing at her all morning. "I think I'm falling for her. And I'm terrified."
Amanda's eyes widened, her grip on Eden's hand tightening. "Oh, sweetie," she murmured. "How’d you get sucked in so quick?"
Eden shook her head, feeling lost. "I don't know. It wasn't supposed to be like this. We agreed it was just casual, just a way for me to explore and improve my performance."
"But now it's more than that," Amanda finished for her.
"So much more," Eden admitted. "The way she looks at me . . . it's like she can see right through me, right down to my soul. And when we're together, it's not just about the physical stuff. There's this connection, this intensity that I've never felt with anyone else."
Amanda nodded encouragingly, prompting Eden to continue.
"Last night, after we . . . you know," Eden blushed, lowering her voice, "she wanted to hold me. I think she was just worried I was a little overwhelmed, I don’t know. But it just felt so right, so like . . . like I never wanted to move again. It was all too much, too soon. I had to get out of there."
"That sounds pretty serious," Amanda observed.
Eden groaned, burying her face in her hands. "I know. And that's exactly what scares me. I wasn't looking for this. I'm not sure I'm ready for it."
Amanda gently pried Eden's hands away from her face. "Hey, look at me. Why does this scare you so much?"
Eden met her friend's concerned gaze, feeling as vulnerable as if she were stark naked in the middle of this café. "Because . . . because what if I'm not enough for her? Genevieve is this incredible, talented, powerful woman. And I'm just . . . me. She already told me she couldn’t give me a relationship."
"Just you?" Amanda repeated incredulously. "Eden, you're an amazingly talented actress. You're kind, you're funny, you're gorgeous. Any woman would be lucky to have you."
Eden gave a weak smile, grateful for her friend's support. But the doubts still nagged at her. "It's not just that," she said softly. "There's something else . . ."
Amanda leaned in, her curiosity clearly piqued in the way Eden had only ever seen when she was uncovering the juiciest gossip. "What is it?"
Eden took a deep breath, struggling to find the words. "When I'm with Genevieve, it's like . . . I can finally let go. Of all the pressure, all the expectations. She takes control, and I feel safe enough to just . . . surrender."
Understanding dawned in Amanda's eyes. "Oh," she said. "Oh, I see."
"It's not just in the bedroom," Eden hurried to explain. "Although that's definitely part of it. But even in rehearsals, when she's directing me . . . I trust her completely. I know she'll push me, challenge me, but never beyond what I can handle. And I feel like I can’t let myself fall into that feeling too deeply. If I started to depend on her, I have no idea what I’d do if it all came to an end."
Amanda nodded slowly. "That's a pretty powerful thing, Eden. To find someone you trust that much to totally let go. You’re an overthinker at the best of times."
"Tell me about it," Eden agreed. "And that's what scares me even more. I've never felt this way before, never allowed myself to be this vulnerable with anyone. What if I'm reading too much into it? What if for her, it really is just casual?"
"Have you talked to her about any of this?" Amanda asked gently.
Eden shook her head. "How can I? We agreed it was basically just physical. If I tell her how I'm feeling, she might end things altogether. And I can't risk that, Amanda. I can't risk losing what we have going, or jeopardizing my role in the play."
Amanda sighed, squeezing Eden's hand again. "Oh, honey. You've really gotten yourself into a tangle, haven't you?"
Eden felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes. "I don't know what to do, Mands. I'm falling in love with her . . . and fast, and I don't know how to stop it."
The word 'love' hung in the air between them. Eden hadn’t really considered this until it suddenly fell from her lips, and then the reality of it hit her like a physical blow.
"Wow," Amanda breathed. "Love. That's . . . that's big."
"Talk about a giant clusterfuck," Eden murmured, her mind wandering so far away that she forgot to blink until her eyes started to burn.
Amanda was quiet for a long moment, letting her dear friend process her thoughts at her own pace. "Well," she said finally, "I think you need to take some time to really sort out your feelings before you do anything."
"What do you mean?" Eden asked.
