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“I’m fine. I promise. I’m just here with Prince.”
“With Prince?” Whatever moving she was doing in the background stopped, and I breathed deeply, knowing that she wasn’t coming. There was no way I could look Nesha in the face right now and not spill everything that went down.
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry about how I been acting. I don’t want you to think I’m not happy for you.” She softened.
“I know you are. I know the way you are acting is your own disappointment and not about me. We are twins. I know your heart.”
“And I know yours. Tell me what’s going on then.”
“I just keep shutting him out. He’s a good dude. I can tell that, but I can’t trust a damn soul. I feel like I’m fucking broken.” That admission had tears pouring from my face.
“You are not broken; we have been through a lot of shit.”
“But look at you. As much as you talk shit about Chaz, you are at least open to love. You are at least still trying. I can’t let anyone in other than to fuck and use my body. That shit is fucked up. My head is fucked, Nesha!”
“Look don’t compare yourself to anyone else. I am your sister, but the shit you went through, I only saw. It didn’t happen to me. Maybe it won’t be Prince but it will be someone. Just like for me it may not be Chaz. It hurts a lot for me to say that. But it will be someone.”
“I don’t know.”
We both went silent.
“Do you love him, Lesha?”
I clutched the phone a little tighter. “I don’t know. I mean how could I? It’s only been a few weeks we have been consistently spending time together,” I answered honestly and another bout of silence crept in. I went to the counter to grab the paper towel and wiped my face. My makeup had to look a damn mess. All I could think was then what? I would get rid of this situation because I was the one that led us down this path. I would kill Hamp and his son if need be because, after all this time, I was tired of having him on my back. He wasn’t letting up, but after that, then what? I could walk away from Prince after telling him thank you for his help but then what? Everyone else would go on, and I would still just be me all alone, stuck in my own head. Unhappy in my own skin.
“You know why we love our best friend, Satisa? Why we mesh with her so well?” My sister finally chimed in.
“What? Why?”
“Because she gives us hope. She is a real woman that has been through shit just like us even if we haven’t shared it all with her. It happened for her. It will happen for us. You can trust yourself, Lesha. Trust yourself to walk away from anything that doesn’t serve you or anything that hurts you. Just don’t walk past the good shit because I saw the way you looked at him. You don’t want the next bitch to come by and scoop him up.”
I brought my phone away from my face and looked at it. “Now who the hell am I on the phone with?”
We both burst out laughing.
“At some point, we have to grow up too. It was fun to be crazy and wild while we were young, but we are changing, and that’s okay.”
“You are right, sis’. I have a decision to make. I don’t want to alarm you or anything but we do need to talk in the morning. First thing in the morning.”
“Aww shit, I’m about to come now.”
“No, I promise it’s okay. I’m okay. You are staying with Chaz tonight, right?”
“Yeah, why?” she asked skeptically.
“Because I need to know exactly where you at in the morning so I can come by before we have to catch our flight. If we even catch one. It’s important.”
“Now you are making me side-eye yo ass girl, but okay. You betta be coming to me as soon as you open your eyes. Now go talk to that man.”
“I love you, Sis’.”
“Love you, too, babe.”
We hung up and I dragged my body down the hall. The closer I got to Prince’s room I could hear the shower running. The door was wide open like an invitation. I lingered by it, and my nails tapped on the frame, thinking of what to do next. Then his words hit me. He deserved to be someone’s choice, and if I wasn’t ready to make my own, I needed not to step one toe inside until I made up my mind.
Taking a deep breath, I crossed the threshold. As soon as I did, I felt like a bucket of cold water was drenched over my head. I thought twice about walking inside the master suite's bathroom, but I knew that wouldn’t be the safest. When I heardthe shower turn off, I sat up fully erect on the edge of his bed and waited for him to come in the room.
