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There I said it. No need to pull punches. I didn’t have to mention how much it hurt me seeing him with another woman. The fact that she could do something I couldn’t.
“What are you talking about?” I brought both hands to my face and clasped my nose, trying to bring down my frustration. I deadpanned him instead of answering. See, that was maturity for your ass. The old me would have just told him his dick was too average to be playing in my face how he was. Not to mention his in-person communication left so much to be desired, and he treated the fact that he had a little money like a damn personality trait. All this I looked over for the history, thinking it was something that could keep our relationship together. I had to face it. We were two different people. It was time for me to do the thing that I was so afraid of. The thing that if I really thought about it, it was what I was doing already. It was time to be alone.
I walked to my room and sank into the king-size bed. The comfort was just what the doctor ordered after a long day, but I knew for a fact I would not be sharing this bed with him. He was due to fly out tomorrow morning, but he may as well get a hotel. I’m sure he had more than enough money to. I chuckled at the thought.
“We are just two different people. I will always have love for you, Devin.”
“Then why the hell you tell me yes. You should have just said no. What type of games are you on?”
“Because I was fucking blindsided. What part of our relationship says we were even there? I didn’t say shit to be clear. I was shocked and panicked. I didn’t want to have to explain this shit to everyone. In front of everyone. These are my people. My family. How could you pull this shit knowing you are all over the net with another chick? You think they won’t see that?”
“Oh, I see what the problem is. You need to stop worrying about what people think, Tweet. This is our life and I’m only doing this to take care of us.”
“Right, first it’s a baby, then what? You gone let your damn father call the shots for you your whole damn life. What if he wants you to do something else? You gone jump through hoops until your ass is on fire?” I spat.
“You act like it’s my fucking fault you can’t have kids!”
I stepped forward and slapped the shit out of him.
“Get the fuck out!” I marched to the door and I was pulled back. Devin made me face him.
“I’m sorry, Tweet. Look at me. I’m sorry.” He stood in front of me, and I knew damn well he was stubborn enough to stand there all night until I did exactly what he asked. I swiped a tear before it made it to my nose. Once again, it wasn’t for him. He could think what he wanted.
“I’m sorry. Please don’t cry. I shouldn’t have said that. I never should have said that to you. As much as that shit hurts you, it hurts me. I never wanted to go this route. I promise you I didn’t. I wanted it to be you. I wanted it just to be us. Shit didn’t happen like that, but she will never have what you have. She will never have my last name. This is it. This is the last thing I have tofulfill, and then I will be solidified. Then let them say what they want because I will lay any nigga down about you. I love you. I meant what I said when I dropped to one knee. It’s us forever.”
I looked into his eyes and tried to connect with him. I really did. I tried to remember all the things and feelings I had when I was a teenage girl, dreaming about what my life could be like. Only one thing kept ringing in my mind, and I had to speak my truth.
“Devin, it’s just not enough. Not anymore.”
“Don’t say that shit to me. Don’t ever say that shit to me.” He walked a circle around my living room.
“I’m sorry, Devin. I can’t do this anymore. I..” I caught myself when I was about to go further. I dug in my bag and fished out his ring that I hadn’t bothered to put back on once I slipped it off my finger the moment we left Priest and Satisa’s house. “So you don’t lose your money.”
He took it from my hands. “I know I fucked up by what I said, and I understand you're mad. You made mistakes, too. Remember, I always wasn’t your choice, but you have always been mine.”
“Are you really bringing this up right now?” My eyes darted to him.
“I’m not bringing it up to hurt you. I’m just saying I searched the world until I found you then and I’m not letting you go now. This is yours, Tweet. I mean it.” He set the ring on the end table, and his phone rang. I had to laugh, and it helped me hold back the tears.
“I guess you better answer that.” I walked to my back room. Seconds later I heard my front door close.
His words rang in my ear, and I knew I could never forget them.You acting like it’s my fault you can’t have kids.His words cut so deep. I knew it was over. If I didn’t know before that was the nail in the coffin. The only sad part was he was saying what every man would eventually.
I walked to my living room and made sure the door was locked. The light from my phone hit the ceiling in the dimly lit room. I knew there were probably a million missed calls, but I honestly didn’t want to speak to anyone else tonight. I had enough. So damn embarrassed and now I would have to answer all the questions. My phone illuminated again, and I blew out a stream of air. I would send one message to our group chat and go on do not disturb. They would have to wait.
My eyes widened when I saw the text message from Nesha along with over twenty missed calls.
911. Pick up the phone. Shy is going to the hospital! The baby is coming!
I jumped up like someone lit a firecracker under my ass. I ran through the house doing what I do best, tucking away my feelings and moving to the next thing without a hitch. I quickly learned how to sweep everything under the rug and keep going. By the time I made it to the hospital it was in the back of my mind how I cursed Devin’s ass out and ended our relationship. It wasn’t until I was riding up the elevator to the sixth floor at McLaren Hospital that I found pause.
Those few days, I got lost and blamed it on Prince; this was exactly where I was. I instantly started praying that my best friend would not receive the same devastating news that I received the day I came.
“She’s too far along. Even if she has him now, everything is going to be okay.” I mumbled, keeping my eyes locked on thenumbers in the elevator. It felt like it was taking forever just to move from floor to floor. When it stopped I shot out the elevator in search of Nesha.
“What the hell, girl? I've been calling you!” Her voice was sharp, and I could tell she was rattled.
“I know. Is she okay? Is the baby okay?” I said, not losing my stride. I didn’t know where I was going, but I knew it was best to keep moving.
