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Prologue
Lesha
“Tweet, calm down.” I heard Devin’s words try to soothe me, but it did nothing to unfold my arms pulled tightly across my chest. I sat on the edge of my bed, and my eyes darted toward my ceiling. I refused to cry. Not even after hearing my childhood name that brought back memories of a simpler time. I was no longer that young girl who was a stick figure waiting to grow into the big head on my shoulders. That schoolyard name I was teased with seemed like moons ago, but Devin insisted on keeping it. My body blossomed into a grown woman with an impenetrable exterior. No, man, I don’t care how much I cared, was going to get tears from me.
“Come here.” Devin’s voice was sharp, and I knew he moved because the balance of my bed shifted. Devin had a cumbersome frame. The once football prospects he had all changed when he blasted his knee in college. He quickly pivoted to a life under his father’s wing. Second in line to the CEO of Powerhouse Metallics. They had plenty of criminal activity as the backdrop to their funding, but Devin fit in perfectly. Now he and his father were closer than ever. So close, the man damn near controlled his life. He lugged his body to press in next to mine as his feet met the floor.
“Is this really how you want to spend our time together? You know how I feel about you. I’ve shown you that over the years, Tweet. Not months, but years.”
“Devin,” I hissed as I stood to my feet. He was not about to guilt trip me right now. He pulled me back quickly. My body lifted off the floor and he positioned me to straddle him. The first thing I did was look away. Tilting my chin back, he made me look directly into his eyes. His dark browns pooled into mine. His thick lips started to move.
“You know this is for us. It’s only to secure our future,” he said and I chortled.
“Yes, sticking your dick in another woman is exactly what is going to secure our future. That makes so much fucking sense. Get the hell off me, Devin.” I attempted to move, but his grip tightened on my waist, holding me there. My eyes ping-ponged around my room as the low light of the candles flickered around me. I told myself I wasn’t going to bring this up. That it meant nothing because, at the end of the day, Devin and I never had a real commitment. How could we when we lived over 500 miles away from each other? But this was different.
“I had to, Tweet. It is just a formality. It had to be done by the time I was thirty.”
“And you just so happen to tell me this months after the bitch is already pregnant? Get the hell out of here. Matter of fact just go home and don’t come back. It's just time to face the fact that this shit is done, Devin.”
“Stop the—"
“No, you stop! Life didn’t turn out how we painted it, and that’s fine! I’ll be fine! Just leave! This is over.” I pushed him in his firm chest, and this time, I was quick enough to move from under his grasp. Before long he was on my heels. I didn’t knowwhere the hell I was going, but I knew I wanted to get as far away from him as possible.
My steps stopped in my kitchen as I stared at my stainless steel appliances that were courtesy of him. Devin had a way of pissing me off yet making me smile with some of my favorite things. He knew I loved to cook, so one day, after breaking yet another promise to come and see me, I received a knock on the door. On the other side, a new kitchen was set up, and as much as I wanted to stay mad, I couldn’t. Cooking was my only moment of true peace and clarity. Not this time, though. A new kitchen set, a car, stacks of money, none of that would do it this time.
I wanted to walk further, but my feet stopped at a dead end in front of my refrigerator illuminated with the time: 2:46 a.m. I felt Devin’s heavy steps behind me, and I was determined not to turn around, even if I had to look at this fucking fridge for an hour. No matter how crazy that sounds, I didn’t want to see his face.
His arms rested on my shoulders, and I heard him sigh.
“I didn’t tell you earlier because I knew it would hurt you. No, listen.” He hushed me right when he knew I was about to go off. “We tried, Tweet. Multiple times.” That stopped me. My eyes went to the ceiling again, thinking of everything that was broken inside of me. “I didn’t want to, but I had to. Whether you want to admit it or not thisissecuring our future. I wanted it to be you, but God didn’t have that in the cards for us. That doesn’t mean we can’t do everything else. I don’t love her. I love you, and we will never be over, so don’t ever say that shit to me again. You will have my last name. The need for a child only fulfills my duty to hold on to the family legacy and have someone to pass it on to. It ensures that we don’t have to worry about anything for therest of our lives. You can do everything you want and do it in the open. No more running.”
The contest was left in my throat, not being able to get past the stinging that was currently happening in my heart. Three miscarriages. Three. Each time from Devin ranging over ten years that started from age seventeen. There was so much devastation and the last two I went through quietly. Only Devin knew. I told my twin everything, but something told me that when I got those two lines on the stick, I had to keep quiet. I was tired of having to express my pain to those around me. I hadn’t carried past two months with the last two, so before I was showing, there was nothing to tell.
“Look at me,” he asked but turned me around. When I gathered his rich melanin in my eyes, a tear slipped down. I was still keeping my word. A man wasn’t worth my tears. That wasn’t what these tears were for. My heart broke every damn day thinking about the things I had been through, and this conversation was pushing me over the edge.
“Please, Tweet. I don’t see my life without you. I am so close to delivering on every promise. The shit we used to sneak out of our parent’s house and sit on the roof and talk about under the stars. Remember your ma looking for your ass for hours, and she cursed both of our asses out because she found us up there. We just wanted to be together and block out all the bullshit.”
“She was really mad Nesha called the damn police,” I mumbled, remembering the day.
“Hell yeah, she was. That’s what I’m saying. We've been in this shit for twelve years, baby. My feelings have only grown for you. I know I send a lot of money and material things, but that’s because I want you to indulge in the lifestyle I am currentlyliving even when I can’t be with you. I love you, Tweet, and I never want you to feel like you are left behind. It can never be that. It won’t ever be that. This is just a technicality. Nothing will be able to be disputed once my heir comes and I get control of my family business. No one will touch my queen, that’s for damn sure. Let me finish giving you everything I promised.”
I folded my arms across my chest again. What he was saying felt so good. How could it not? The man that was there for me through thick and thin. But, at this point, I didn’t know if I wanted to believe it because it was the truth or because I wanted to. In reality, women like me who had gone down my path didn’t receive the rainbow at the end of the storm. That’s what kept my feet planted as I still eyed Devin suspiciously.
“I know you. I have to show you better than I can tell you. All I am asking for is a little more patience. Just another year. That is all it’s going to take. Fuck it put it on the calendar.” He walked to the corner of my kitchen where the calendar hung on the wall. My sister gave me plenty of flack for having one. Call me old school, but there was nothing like having a visible reminder that wasn’t attached to a phone for what was coming up.
“Wait, what are you doing?” My lips finally came unglued when I saw him thumb through the twenty-four-month list, land on August 2025, and raise a highlighted green marker.”
“I know how you are. You want the shit in writing. I would put it in blood if you asked me to. That’s how serious I am, Tweet.” He held his gaze steady for a moment. When I didn’t say anything, he tried to get back to it. I snatched the marker out of his hand.
“Damn, Tweet, come on, baby. I’m trying. I promise I am.” He gave me a frustrated grimace as I capped thehighlighter, ignoring him. I placed the green highlighter back into the magnetized cup attached to the calendar's side. Without a word, I fetched the pink one and shoved it into his hand.
“Green is doctor’s appointments. Pink is for life events.”
A smile crept across his face, and he braced his hand around the small of my back. He pulled me into him. “I love yo anal ass. Can’t even get shit out of place even when you mad.” He didn’t allow me to reply. He placed his lips on mine and kissed me. When he tried to deepen the kiss I resisted him. My mind couldn’t allow my body to relent, and as scary as that was, I knew that was all the answer I needed.
Prince
Sleep wasn’t coming like usual for me lately. I walked into my kitchen and headed straight to the fridge. The stainless steel appliance triggered and highlighted blue when I touched the handle. Stainless steel was always my preference. It was easier to clean, giving my kitchen the sleek appeal I desired. I was a visual man. I came to that conclusion long ago. More so than anyone that I knew. Unless it looked just right, I would obsess over it until it did. That’s how I got into the I’ll do the shit myself phase. Could I call it a phase really? It was now a fundamental part of my personality that caused me just as much irritation as it caused others.
