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“Fuck… you,” I managed to say, clinging to my defiance like it was a liferaft.
“That you will, sweetheart,” he laughed, unfastening his pants and freeing his cock.
The tears spilled over of their own accord, the pain in my head and my soul nearly too much to bear. My shoulders screamed in pain as the chains pulled them in opposite directions, his companions using them to drag me to my knees.
They’d made enough passing comments and lingered a little too long after feeding me or forcing me to exercise for me to be ignorant of what came next. For years, I’d felt their gazes on me, held my breath as they entered my space, tried to be demure or to be feisty, doing anything to survive. But when they were on duty, I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, out of fear they’d follow through on those disgusting promises.
And this was the day they decided to do just that.
With two fingers, he pried my jaw open, the other two snickering as I tried to twist my head one way, then the other, to get free. But my arms and my shoulders were locked in place, and the grip on my face tightened to the point of bruising. His cock was hard and pointing at me, and I tried to snap my teeth shut to prevent it from going into my mouth.
“If you don’t do this willingly, we’ll have to get the whips,” he taunted.
My heart dropped to my stomach, and I stopped struggling. The tears dripped and dripped and dripped, racing toward freedom in a way I could not.
He slipped into my mouth, and I immediately gagged, stomach heaving up the contents of my meager meal that morning.
“Oh fuck,” I moaned, feeling that same nauseated sensation rising within me.
“We can stop this at any time,” Zuriel murmured, handing me a bag should I need to surrender the contents of my stomach.
“I need to do this,” I managed to say, swallowing down the worst of it. “Then I can be free.”
Zuriel only nodded, and I filled my lungs with as much air as I could before dropping back into the horrific memory.
He made a noise of disgust, pulling away from me as I retched. The other two laughed and teased him, but their words were a blur as the throbbing in my head increased tenfold. When I finally came up for air again, the three stared down at me with a mixture of disdain and sadistic intent. My chest heaved from the effort and my fear, and I closed my eyes, whispering to anyone, anything that could possibly save me, to do so in that moment.
“Get her up, turn her around,” the slapper said to his companions.
“No!” I screeched, fighting them as they lifted me to my feet and pinned me to the wall. The rough stone cut into my face, and I gritted my teeth against the additional pain.
The one on my right whistled, long and low, and although I couldn’t see his face, I felt his lewd eyes roaming my naked form. “She sure looks good from behind, doesn’t she?”
I pressed my thighs together, shaking from head to toe as I was totally exposed and completely vulnerable. All I wanted to do was curl in on myself, to protect myself, but it was impossible.
I was so focused there that I didn’t hear the leather hissing as it unfurled, and the moment the familiar whistle cut the air, I cried out instinctively. A heartbeat later, the whip dug into my back, and the heat that bloomed there told me the skin had split.
“Anywhere but here,” I whispered to myself, holding my breath and forcing my mind to fly far away. A story my caretaker had told me when I was a little girl came to mind first, and I clung to it like the lifeline it was as I endured lash after lash.
“I repeated it over and over again as they tore my legs apart and scraped my front against the stone as they raped me.I wasn’t even in my own body. I had to be somewhere else. To survive,” I sobbed, my face, my nose, my tunic, my arms soaked. But I never stopped tapping, allowing the motion to free me from the confines of these long-hidden memories. “Why couldn’t I do more? Why did I let them do that to me?”
“You did everything you could have done, Izidora,” Zuriel soothed, affirming me when I needed it most. “What would you do now?”
The answer came to me immediately because I’d already been allowed the opportunity to reclaim my power from them. Flashes of Ruslan driving his sharp blade into the eyes of my former guards crossed my vision, and my ears were filled with the sweet sound of their screams as I ripped their cocks and balls away and watched them bleed out.
Letting that fuel me, I dropped back into the scene, using what had happened a few days before change what had happened to me when the three guards whipped and raped me to the point that I wanted to end my own life. “Ruslan and I storm into the cave ready to kill them all. By the time we reach my younger self, we’ve slaughtered everyone in our path. I fling my white magic over them, forcing them against the wall for Ruslan to slaughter while I collect little Izidora. I use my healing magic to close up her back, and then wrap her in my cloak. The one with the white rabbit fur that’s so warm.”
“And what do you say to her?”
“I tell her that her prayers were answered. That Iheardher. That I came for her. That I’d always come for her. That she never had to tolerate the attention or the touch of a male she didn’t want any longer. That she would learn to be powerful and makethemcower at her feet, begging for mercy she wasn’t obligated to give. That she would have her vengeance, and I’d stop at nothing to ensure she received every drop of blood she wanted for what happened to her.”
The fire that had dulled to embers roared to life inside me again, filling me with energy and power and confidence and everything I needed to rise above what happened to me then, to rise above what happened to me now, until I was brimming with an inferno that needed no further fuel.
My eyes flew open and my breath fled in a rush, as I was filled with that familiar sensation of the heaviness being stripped away. It was as if a layer of skin had been shed, leaving me lighter and freer to move within myself.
My hands flew from my shoulders to clasp over my mouth as a sob threatened to escape. Yet this sob wasn’t one of pain; it was one of joy.
“Holy shit, Zuriel,” I choked out, and another wave of hot tears tracked down my cheeks. Tremors no longer wracked my body and fear no longer froze me from the inside out. Somehow, the slaughter of my abusers and the tapping had made me whole and settled in a way that was antithetical to the restlessness I’d arrived with.
