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“No. I’ll return to Roc later to retrieve clothes and books for Izidora and myself. I need her to wake up first.” He turned to leave once again, and when he was almost out the door I called, “Thanks, Drazen.”
He grunted and swung the door closed behind him, the force rattling the spiderweb crack in the window behind me, deepening its veins. Blowing out a breath, I surveyed my kingdom, the sun beginning its final descent over the mountains in the distance, signaling the end of a pivotal day in my life.
I was now king of the Iron Realm. A goal I had worked toward for over two decades, ever since my father had announced the competition for heir apparent, was finally achieved.
Except, I felt empty.
Despite the deep well of black fire resting there, my chest felt hollow and cold. I finally had everything I wanted – I was king, I had my mate, and I was the most powerful Fae in the Iron Realm. But why did I still feel like I was not good enough? Why did I still feel so unworthy of it all? Why did I still feel like Izidora did not really love me? Why did killing my father not feel as thrilling as I imagined it would be?
My head throbbed as each question stabbed my brain like an icepick, and I wanted to bury those thoughts in the deep recesses of my mind. Crossing the room, I leaned into the hall, catching the attention of a nearby sentry and ordering him to bring me a bottle of liquor.
I needed something strong to drown my thoughts. The night was not one for wine, not with what felt like my impending execution looming over my head. As much as I knew that Izidora loved me and would likely choose me over Kazimir, mydeepest fear was a demon who knew exactly what words to whisper in my ear to make me cow to it.
Minutes later, the sentry returned with a bottle, and I didn’t bother to fetch a glass from the nearby table as I settled in front of the hearth. I pulled straight from the lip, loving the burn that seared my throat, numbing my gut and my feelings. The crackling fire held my attention, its wild dance beckoning me to surrender, and so I did, losing myself in the bottle and the flames, the world beyond me nothing more than a distant memory until I succumbed to the darkness.
27
Iwoke with a start to the sound of Drazen and Ruslan arguing. Their tension was palpable even through the door that muffled their voices. Curiosity won out, and I crept from the bed to the door to listen. My body was aching and weary, yet my heart and mind raced as I listened to their conversation.
“You are worried she will see the other male and go running back to him.” That was Drazen.
“Yes.” Ruslan was worried that I would leave him, a constant tension in our relationship.
“Don’t let the old Ruslan return, otherwise she will. She likes this new side of you, at least enough to agree to marry your crazy ass.”
“What?” A new voice appeared, more distant than Ruslan and Drazen.
“You will address your king with respect, Rares.”
“What can I do for you, Your Highness?”
“You will find a way to prevent Izidora from falling back in love with the male she thought was her mate. He is likely toarrive tomorrow, and I cannot have him interfering with my plans.”
I swallowed a gasp, shocked that he would really go to such lengths to keep me. Tears welled in my eyes as my heart shattered into a million tiny, jagged pieces, and I had to bite my knuckle to keep from crying out.
I thought we’d made progress together.I thought he was changing for the better, that he would allow me a choice in my life – but that was only a glimpse of what was possible, and not what was probable. Ruslan had spent too long buried in his darkness for me to pull him out of it. My love for him ran so fucking deep, and that was what hurt the most. He’d clawed his way into my soul, and that thread between us hummed with disapproval as I tiptoed back to the bed, wanting to hear no more, and buried myself under the warm blankets, silent tears streaming down my face.
Kazimir lied to me.
Ruslan lied to me.
Kazimir manipulated me.
Ruslan manipulated me.
And the whole time, I thought I was winning them over.
But Kazimir was passionate, calm, and deceptive.
And Ruslan was intense, volatile, and empowering.
Who was the right fucking choice?
My hands covered my mouth and nose as sobs wracked my body. I felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest, stomped on, and then burned all at once. There was only one person in the Iron Realm I could trust, and I reached out to him, mind to mind.
“Zuriel?”
“I’m here, Izidora. Are you alright? You almost burned out.”
