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I think about how we left, with everyone up in arms pointing fingers and trying to medicate him. My only choice was to pack his bags and bring him here, keep him with me like I’ve always done.
Straightening, I turn, and my heart stops in my chest. Zane is behind me quietly watching, a hint of a smile curling his lips. He’s so beautiful, distant and clinging to those old wounds. I turn away from him because my emotions are already up.
“You’re right.” I swallow the ache in my throat. “Things are different here.”
He doesn’t speak, and I wonder if he’ll even answer me. I wonder if I want him to.
Then he says, “Austin’s a good kid.”
“Kimmie is, too.” Defiance is my fallback, and he exhales his assent.
“She’s a pistol.”
We watch as they put away their pool cues, leave the balls in the pockets, and hang the triangle.
My stomach is tight, but I keep my tone steady. “I met Benji this morning. His mother brought him over for Eddie to coach. She said you put them together.”
“Yeah.” He straightens, pushing his hands in his pockets. “Eddie’s a natural teacher.”
The heat between us pulses on every heartbeat, and I don’t believe he doesn’t feel it. I don’t believe his arms don’t ache to hold me. The pull between us is so strong, it hurts.
“What are you doing, Zane?” I’m using his words this time.
The muscle moves in his jaw, as he shifts his stance before answering quietly. “Keeping you safe.”
My response is equally quiet. “I don’t think so. I think you’re keeping yourself safe, and you’re breaking my heart. And yours.”
Ice blue eyes lift to mine, but I have to get away from him now. My stomach is tight, and I’m not hungry anymore.
Placing my hand on the screen door, I enter the game room. The trio looks up at us, with bright eyes and smiles.
“Auntie Rachel!” Kimmie skips over to me, and I’m surprised. She’s never called meauntiebefore.
“Hey, cutie.” I bend down to give her a hug, looking up at my brother. “I’m headed to the house. Dylan has leftovers for dinner, so be sure and get some.”
Eddie nods. “Okay. Thanks.”
Straightening, I turn and walk away from Zane, not looking back.
23
Zane
Zen Buddhism teaches that attachment is the source of suffering, and fuck if that isn’t the absolute truth. I’m so attached to Rachel, my muscles ache. Every molecule in my being wants her.
Being near her last night, watching Eddie bond with Austin and Kimmie, I wanted to wrap my arms around her like real parents. Our little guy has grown so much.
When the fuck did Edward becomeour little guy?
I’m all fucked up, and I don’t know what’s right. I wake up in a sweat, my stomach tied up in knots worrying about what might happen to her. I said I’m keeping her safe, but is she right? Am I really running away to protect myself?
“Hey man, you’ve been looking really good lately.” Logan walks out, giving my back a slap. “Did you finally get it together with Rachel?”
We’re in the studio to pre-record the show for broadcast tomorrow, Thanksgiving Day. Garrett’s lined up to join us on the mic, and Jack is on his way.
Oliver Duck waits to record, watching us with interest. He’s still not happy with anything Logan does, but I get the feeling we’re good. At least he doesn’t give me shit, and his older sister seems to like me—a little too much for my taste.
I don’t want to lie to Logan, but I also don’t want to talk about it. “I’m ready for the show. Let’s do this.”
