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“I may have to resort to that. I feel like an old maid.”
“You’re fifteen,” she says, chuckling as she digs out her cigarettes. “It’s no big deal. I mean, you’ve never even had a boyfriend before.”
“What about you?” I ask. “What’s your body count?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Let’s see.” She counts silently on her fingers. “Like, ten? No, eleven, counting Brian.”
“Eleven?” I try to hide how shocked I am by bending to pick up a flat rock and not gawking at her openly. Now I feel like a bigger loser than around my friends. At least I know Lindsey has only slept with one guy. Even Elaine’s only been with a few guys. “If you’ve been dating one guy all year… How did you even know that many guys in high school?”
“Dude, enough with the slut shaming,” she says. “There are more guys in the world than just the ones you go to school with.”
“Sorry. I was just surprised.”
She shrugs and sinks onto a sandy spot at the edge of the water. “I’m in college. I’m years ahead of you. Besides, I never really thought it was a big deal. My first time was in the bathroom at Pizza Palace.”
“Seriously? That’s a little disturbing,” I say, laughing and settling beside her in the sand while she lights her cigarette.
I think of how Lindsey and Daria always talk about their first time like it’s this sacred thing. They’d probably die of shame at the thought of losing your virginity in the bathroom at a chain restaurant.
“I had a crush on my manager. Stan.”Meghan laughs at the memory and shakes her head. “He was like this uber-blond Slavic guy. Or Nordic? I don’t remember, but he always bragged about it.”
Even Megan has the memory of her first time. She may say it’s not a big deal, but it’s something she’ll always remember.I want to have that memory, so I can have a story too, like everyone else.
“I’m so tired of being the only living virgin,” I say with a sigh. “I just want to get it over with. I’m tired of carrying it around with me.”
“It’s yourprecioooussssss,” she says, imitating Gollum.
“Precious, my ass.”
She laughs. “I don’t think you’re ready to have that conversation.”
“Eww,” I say, my face flushing when I realize what she’s implying.
She just laughs and leans back on her palm. “Hey, I know a lot of guys if you want to get it over with that bad. Then you wouldn’t have to see the guy around school all the time.”
“You mean, like the ‘college guy’ I hooked up with last summer?” I ask, pretending to glower at her.
“Okay, you took off and met him on your own,” she protests. “You have to let me vet him first. I won’t steer you wrong. In fact, there’s always a party or two up here on New Year’s.”
“Tempting,” I say slowly, “but I couldn’t do that to Todd.”
“Okay,” she says, shrugging. “But from what you told me about him and the redheaded devil woman, I’m not sure he’s being an angel up there on Brokeback Mountain.”
“Winter Park,” I correct automatically. “And I’m sure Todd wouldn’t… I mean, it’s different now. We were just talking at Homecoming. He’s my real boyfriend now.”
She adjusts her jean skirt and stretches her pale legs out in the sun. “If you say so. But we should still go to one of the parties. What do you think?”
“I think my mom will definitely not let me go.”
“Whatever,” Meghan says. “She’s going out drinking with the rest of the parents on New Year’s Eve.”
“She is?” I ask, pulling back in surprise. It’s not like my mom never drinks. She has wine with Aunt Diana all the time, way more often than she did at home. Back then, she and Dad went out often enough though, sometimes coming home tipsy and loud. But going out drinking is something people do in college, not as adults. Going out drinking is something people do when they want to meet someone and hook up.
My stomach turns, and even though I curse Dad all the time, I feel the urge to fight on his behalf now. Mom can’t just meet some random Arkansas man in a bar and replace him. It’s a ridiculous and hypocritical thought, but I can’t help it.
“Yeah,” Meghan says. “Mom says Uncle Frederick’s kind of a party animal when they get together.”
“That’s weird,” I say, trying to imagine going out partying with Lily when we’re grown up. “But I’m sure she’ll make me stay home and babysit. I’m on the shortest leash ever.”
