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She shook her head. “No, you were right. I know that I push it sometimes.”
He studied her for a second or two. He saw the regret, but he also saw the self-loathing.
“You know you don’t have to fit in with us.”
She sighed as she studied the crowd. “That’s easy for you to say.”
“Have I made you feel you don’t belong with us?”
She pulled her attention from the crowd to look at him. “No. In fact, you’re the first commander I’ve ever had who has always made sure we felt like we belonged.”
He knew she had been a squared-away Coastie. Still, he also understood that being in any of the services could be difficult for women. There were a lot of men who would never accept a woman’s presence anywhere in the military except as a caregiver.
“Then…is there something someone else did?”
She sighed. “No. It’s growing up in a family of men. I know that I overcompensate because of my size and my gender. I always have.”
“You don’t have to. You’re our best team member.”
Her eyes widened at his statement.
“You didn’t really know?”
She shook her head. “I mean…even Kap?”
He nodded. “Don’t get me wrong. In a fight, you’re at a little bit of a disadvantage, mainly because of your stature. But I’ve seen you use that to your advantage. You did take Kap down just the other day. He’s got a foot in height and probably around a hundred pounds on you. And he wasn’t pulling any punches. That’s why I make you grapple with him. Rami, he pulls his punches with you.”
“What? He does not.”
“He does. I think it’s his upbringing. His mother is a bit of a terror, and while he respects you, it makes it hard to take you down.”
She frowned. “I don’t like that.”
“Hey, he would follow you into a firefight. He respects you in the field. That’s what’s important.”
He left unsaid that he was sure there was more behind Rami refusing to fight her at full strength, but that wasn’t any of his business as long as it didn’t interfere with work.
“But you fit in. Hell, I would say the team member closest to you in training and skills is probably Maya, but that’s because she’s a dog who can track by scent.”
She laughed. “I thought maybe you were going to say something about both of us being bitches.”
“I would never say that. But I’m guessing you had issues in the past with that?”
Her smile faded, and she nodded but didn’t explain. “Again, I’m sorry about earlier.”
“I was just being a little sensitive.”
She shook her head. “No, I went over the line.”
He knew there was something else she wanted to say. “Tell me.”
“Y’all would make a cute couple.”
He rolled his eyes. “I have a feeling Autumn wouldn’t like that description.”
Nikki laughed. “You should see the two of you together. She smiles a lot more around you.”
“She’s always cracking jokes.”
