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‘No, I don’t. I should have left years ago.’
‘Have you at least called him?’
Gina crossed her arms.
‘Gina?’ Marlina rested a hand on the bench. ‘You haven’thad the decency to call him and explain your reasons for leaving?’
‘I already told him why, the night I left! The night he called me selfish, the night he looked at me like I was a failure as a woman, the night he accused me of causing my own miscarriage!’ Gina’s hands joined in the complaining, accidentally squirting icing on the floor.
‘He did what?’ Marlina’s eyes widened.
‘You heard me.’
‘Are you sure, perhaps you misunderstood?’
‘No, Mum, he asked me outright if I made it happen, and he didn’t exactly believe me when I said ‘of course not’.’
‘Maybe he was just upset at the loss, and wasn’t thinking straight.’
‘Mum! Don’t you get it? He’s always been like that with me! Not just after the miscarriage. Putting me down, manipulating me, then charming his way back into the good books.’
‘Why didn’t you say anything before?’
‘I don’t know. At first, I felt it was somehow my fault, that I wasn’t good ‘wife’ material. And I didn’t want to seem ungrateful, especially after the big wedding you provided for us. After a while, it just became part of our relationship, and it was easier to focus on keeping him happy than on dealing with the problem.’ Gina stepped back and leaned against the side of the fridge.
‘I would never have thought. He always seemed so ... normal.’
‘In public, yeah, but as soon as we were alone, his true colours came to light.’
Marlina moved her ample body to Gina’s side, and traced an arc of hair around her face. ‘Darling Gina, you shouldhave come to me. I had no idea, I’m sorry I didn’t notice something was wrong.’
Gina shrugged.
‘I’m sorry for pestering you about him, I won’t mention him again, promise.’
‘Thanks.’
‘Well, I guess there’s still time for you to meet someone else and start a family. Your aunt Paula, she was still bearing children at forty-two!’
Gina bit her bottom lip. ‘Ah, Mum, there’s another thing.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I’ve decided I don’t want to have any children.’
Marlina’s hand dropped from Gina’s face. ‘What?’
‘I don’t want to become a mother. It doesn’t feel right for me.’
‘Sweetheart, you’ve just gone through a terrible loss. It’s understandable you’re scared, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen again.’
‘Mum, you’re starting to sound like Marvin. I’m sorry to be abrupt, but I need you to listen to exactly what I’m saying: I amnotgoing to have children. Ever.’ She emphasised the last word by cutting the air with her rigid hand.
‘You’re serious.’ Greyness infused Marlina’s face.
‘Yes. I’m sorry, Mum, I know you wanted me to provide grandchildren, but it’s not going to happen. I’m sorry I’m not the daughter you’d like me to be.’ Gina noticed the disappointment in her mother’s eyes, and her own eyes welled with tears.
Marlina walked away for a moment, as if to gather her thoughts. She returned with arms outstretched. ‘My darling daughter, you always were an independent woman.’ She pulled Gina close briefly, then held herat arm’s length. ‘Perhaps I haven’t been the mother you’d like me to be, the mother Ishouldbe.’
‘Don’t say that, Mum.’
‘But it’s true. How could I not know when my own daughter is going through such a hard time? Never once did I ask you how your marriage was going, I’ve been so ignorant.’ Marlina shook her head, lowering her chin to her chest. ‘Forgive me.’
