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‘Oh.’ Gina felt much better, but groggy. ‘Think I’ll go back to sleep for a bit.’ She closed her eyes again.
‘Bloody hell, you still need more sleep after all that?’
‘Just a bit, then I’ll get up,’ she mumbled.
‘Alright, but can you call me later? Let me know if you’re up for cooking dinner, otherwise I’ll have to pick up something on the way home.’
Gina heard the door close then drifted into a broken sleep. Colours swirled behind her eyes, mixing together inliquid spirals, then fading away to black and grey. She saw herself as a child, running on the grass, her long hair horizontal as the wind suspended it in the air. Trees and hills moved fast alongside her, as though she was running on the spot and they were the ones moving. She came to a cliff, overlooking the midnight blue ocean. Her childlike self tried to turn around to go back, but she couldn’t. The landscape around her moved again, pushing her forward. Then she was falling ...orhad she jumped?
Gina bolted upright in bed, panting and sweating. Her dream had felt real. But what was that emotion she’d felt as she was falling? It was as though ... no, she couldn’t quite grasp it, the memory of the dream fading quickly from her mind.
She got up and stretched, her muscles aching from hours of immobility. The day after a migraine attack always felt weird and slow. It was as though her body was telling her to stop for a while, to rest and regenerate.
After a long, slow breakfast, she put the juice bottle back in the fridge, then straightened the askew fridge magnets. Her eyes rested on a drawing one of her nephews had given her. Why hadn’t she looked at it properly before? It was so colourful, so vibrant. It was her; Aunty Gina, standing on top of a lush, green hill with a sunset behind her. A sunset filled with swirling colours of red, orange, pink, and yellow. It contrasted with the grey and white kitchen, but she’d only really noticed it now. When she’d received the drawing, it was one of those moments when you’d smile and say: ‘Wow! Thank you, this is lovely!’ and place it on the fridge without a second thought. Something that just becomes part of the scenery, part of the surroundings you become immune to because you seethem all the time. Today, it was like Gina was seeing it for the first time.
A sudden urge hit Gina to get out her old box of ‘stuff’; the things she’d taken with her when she first moved out of home as a twenty-one-year-old that had followed her from one apartment to the next. Her childhood in a box.
She sat on the floor with legs apart, the box in front of her. She opened it and closed her eyes for a moment as the smell took her back in time; memories of crayons, Mum’s chicken soup and crusty garlic bread, and Dad’s after-shave. She lifted out her favourite toy; Ally the owl, followed by a gold medal she received for the under-tens four hundred metre race at the school athletics carnival. There were a few photos, one of Gina and her best friend at age twelve – they said they’d be friends forever, but lost touch over the years. There was also one of Gina climbing a tree in the backyard, up much higher than her brothers. This box of ‘stuff’ contained everything that made her smile. Now, she hardly ever smiled. How did she get from there to here?
She picked up a drawing, signed: ‘Gina Giovanni, age 10’ in crayon. She was by no means a talented artist like Cara, but even through such a simple drawing she was able to evoke strong emotion. She sighed. Such comfort, safety and warmth exuded from her childhood creation: ‘My Dream Home’. There was a large double story house framed by a verandah, a lake with ducks floating happily, and an enormous tree with a swing hanging from a branch. Lush green grass, the house a rich brown, and a rainbow arched in the sky. The whole page was filled with colour, some of the paper’s edges torn from the enthusiastic colouring in. When did she lose that colour from her life?
Gina got up and walked around her apartment. Grey,black, and dark brown surrounded her, cold and harsh, draining her energy. She would have liked to paint the living room a nice warm red, and the bedroom a pale buttery colour, but Marvin was keen to keep the varying shades of grey – ‘Makes it easier to sell later on, if you keep things plain’, he’d said. But what about now? Why couldn’t she have her dream home now? She’d worked hard enough over the years. She was sick of waiting. Sick of keeping things plain in case they sold up, keeping things stable in case she got pregnant, keeping him happy in case – in case he lost it.
Gina had grown used to doing what was necessary to keep the peace. She didn’t have the energy to deal with his emotional outbursts, it was easier to just keep him happy. Marvin didn’t like change, and although Gina liked the familiarity of routine, she was aching for some sort of change. Whenever she’d suggest something new, or ask for his agreement to spend money on something for them both, he’d either berate her, or complain she wasn’t grateful for what she had. That was why she hadn’t told him the truth about where she spent the third Tuesday of every month. If he knew it was called ‘The Life Makeover Club’ he’d laugh, cry, or have a fit. It would be even worse if he knew how much it had cost. She’d used her own money; from the investment account her brother George helped her set up before she met Marvin. She still had a decent amount in there, enough to walk away from her job if she dared, enough to walk away from ... her life.
Gina spent the rest of the day alternating between deep thought, deep sleep, and un-deep daytime television. She even checked Facebook and considered posting an update to see if anyone knew any migraine cures, but got distracted by all the other status updates, her news feed mostly cloggedwith the musings of Cara’s life. No wonder the woman didn’t have much time for anything – she spent half the day on Facebook by the looks of it! Her latest update said:
Cara Collins~ It’s time to follow my dreams! The aspirational dreams that is, not the ‘I-walked-down-the-street-naked-and-all-my-teeth-fell-out’ dreams ;)
Miranda had left a comment:LOL, that’s the sort of thing that would somehow happen to me in real life!
Several other people Gina didn’t know had left comments too, there were a few ‘LOLs’, some ‘Go for its’, and one ‘OMG I had that exact dream once!’
Gina’s fingers hovered over the keyboard for a moment, and before she knew it, she was typing her first ever comment:
It’s time for me to do the same.
By the timeMarvin got home, Gina had prepared grilled chicken breasts and vegetables, eaten an early dinner, and left his dinner plate covered in plastic wrap in the fridge.
‘Why are you leaving so early?’ asked Marvin.
‘I’m going for a walk along the harbour before the meeting starts. I need some fresh air to clear my head after this migraine.’
‘You sure you’re up to going tonight, why don’t you give it a miss? We can watch NCIS together,’ he suggested.
‘I’m sure. I need to get out for a while.’
‘Tell me again, what exactly do youdoat these meetings?’
‘You know; learn about healthy living, that sort of stuff. It’s just a bunch of women, and we all have a bitof a chat.’
‘Okay, but you shouldn’t drive after having that medication.’
‘I’m getting a taxi.’ Gina grabbed her coat and flung her bag over her shoulder, walking out into the real world after what felt like days trapped in dreamland.
Gina was greetedby a sign on the door of The Ruby Room, telling the club members that tonight’s meeting would be held in The Lotus Room. She stood disoriented for a moment, lost in the maze of cotton wool that appeared to have taken over her mind.
Of all nights, why did there have to be a change?
