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I’m so sorry, didn’t mean to hurt u. I’m sure u will find your Leia. Good luck. M.
After pressing ‘send’, she deleted his number from her phone, eager to swipe this ‘Miranda Moment’ from her memory, or, at least her phone’s memory. She walked out to the golden rimmed doors, ignoring David’s advances on the way, and flicked her scarf over her shoulder in a symbolic effort to leave behind the past few minutes of her life.
The thing about exercise was;it only worked if you did it. It had taken Miranda a while to figure that out, but as she jogged through the park, she raised her chin with pride. Trisha wasn’t able to join her today, which didn’t really matter as it gave her a chance to listen to a motivational podcast on ‘Becoming the Best You’.
The sun shone between branches in the trees lining the pathway, making patches of light on the ground, and the crisp autumn air pushed against her skin as she jogged. Wisps of her hair flapped up and down, as though doing the Mexican Wave in honour of her exercise initiative, and Miranda hoped her fat cells were shivering themselves to death. As she neared the children’s playground, she noticed a familiar mop of curly blonde hair belonging to a woman sitting on a park bench; her foot rhythmically pushing a pram back and forth, and a cardboard coffee cup in her hand. Miranda plucked her earphones out with a tug of the cord, and was about to say, ‘Hi, Cara, nice weather isn’t it?’ when she noticed red blotches around Cara’s eyes. ‘Cara?’
Cara looked up as though woken from a trance, andquickly wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. ‘Miranda, hi, um ... how are you?’
‘Cara, what’s wrong?’
Her bottom lip trembled. ‘It’s just ... everything!’ she blurted, bursting into tears. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said between sobs. ‘I sure am making a habit of crying in public!’
‘Hey, it’s okay.’ Miranda put a reassuring arm around Cara’s shoulder.
A young girl and boy came over, looking worried. ‘Mummy, are you okay? Did something bad happen?’ the little girl asked.
Cara quickly wiped away the remaining tears and forced a smile, putting her coffee to the side of the bench. ‘No, sweetie, everything’s fine. My friend Miranda here told me a sad story, that’s all. You and Jacob go back and play, it’s alright.’
‘Okay, Mum.’ Cara’s daughter then looked at Miranda with narrowed eyes. ‘Don’t tell my mum any more sad stories okay, Rimanda?’ she instructed, her finger raised in warning.
‘I won’t, I promise.’ Miranda made a cross sign with her finger over her heart. The kids ran to the playground. ‘So, tell me, Cara, what’s got you so upset?’
‘I’m still upset about disappointing Pete, you know, about the ‘having more children’ issue,’ Cara said. ‘Today is just one of those days when everything goes wrong. Pete’s at work, and my Mum was supposed to watch the kids for me while I spent some time on my art. She called at the last minute to tell me she woke up with a stomach bug.’ Cara dabbed her eyes with a tissue. ‘I’d already set up my equipment on the outside table, and forgot to put it away after Mum’s call. Anyway, Jacob wandered outside and accidentally knockedover a container of paint, all over an artwork I’d been working on!’
‘Oh no! What a shame.’
‘So, I had to get out of the house. But, on the way, I walked past the newsstand and saw Vogue magazine.’ More tears escaped Cara’s eyes. She explained to Miranda how her old friend, Donna, not that she could really be called afriend,works in design for magazines like Vogue, travels around the world, meets interesting people, and has her talent displayed in the glossy magazine at newsstands everywhere.
‘Who gets to see my talent?’ Cara complained. ‘A bunch of four-year-olds who don’t appreciate it, that’s who!’
Miranda listened as Cara talked about the hopes she’d had for her future after finishing school, how she wanted to start her own graphic design company, take a holiday to Greece with Pete when they finished their degrees, and how she was plunged into motherhood before she’d really finished being a kid herself. She spoke of the love she had for her family, and how she knew she was lucky to have a supportive relationship and three healthy kids. ‘But I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel like I’m just here to take care of all these people, and no one’s taking care of me.’ Cara slumped against the back of the park bench. ‘It’s like my own life is passing me by, and later when the kids have grown, I’ll wake up and not know what to do with myself. I’ll have forgotten how to be me. Not Cara the mother, or Cara the wife, but Cara thewoman. I don’t even know who that is!’ She leaned forward and buried her face in her hands.
Lily and Jacob came over to get a drink from Cara’s bag. Toby opened his eyes briefly before falling back tosleep in the pram.
‘Has Rimanda told any more sad stories, Mum?’ asked Lily.
‘No. No more sad stories.’
‘Good.’ She looked at Miranda. ‘Because you shouldn’t do that, it makes people sad.’ Lily turned and skipped back to the playground, Jacob following her.
‘Sorry about that! She’s a bit bossy sometimes. I think she might end up being a lawyer, or a politician.’ Cara smiled. ‘Hey ... I’m sorry about the way I reacted before, at the club meeting when you spoke about your ideal day,’ Cara said. ‘It just seemed ironic that you were wanting what I have, I mean ... the husband and kids at least, and I want what you have ... the career satisfaction, the freedom.’ She paused. ‘I envied you. I still do.’
‘But, I envyyou, Cara,’ Miranda revealed. ‘The thought of having someone to come home to ... totalkto. And three little people that think you’re the most important person on Earth’. Miranda glanced up at the rays of sun streaming through patchy white clouds, as though casting a wish to the universe for her dream to come true.
Cara smiled, watching her kids as they jumped in the amber leaves that littered the playground.
‘Anyway...’ Miranda shifted her position and crossed one leg over the other. ‘I guess it’s a bit silly to expect my soulmate to...’ she wiggled her fingers, ‘...magically appear before I’m thirty, let alone one that brings me breakfast in bed!’ she confessed. ‘It does sound kind of naïve. But if I’ve learned anything so far, it’s that the universe has a way of pointing you in the direction of what you need, not necessarily what you want.’Did I just say that?Miranda was surprised at the words coming out of her own mouth. Maybe reading all those self-improvement books was starting to payoff.
‘Well, I wish Mr. Universe would give me a week off from being a Mum,’ Cara said.
Miranda pursed her lips to one side. ‘Would aweekendbe enough?’
‘Honey, an hour to myself would be enough these days!’ Cara laughed.
‘Well, why don’t you reserve a weekend at the hotel I work at? We’ve got some great package deals at the moment, with massages, facials, oh ... and there’s twenty-four-hour room service of course, so you wouldn’t have to cook or clean.’
‘Yeah, we have twenty-four-hour room service at home too, except I’m the one who does the serving.’ Cara laughed again.
