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PROLOGUE
Kingston
“You were told to bring one home and kill the other,” he reminds me. The voice is distorted, but it has to be a man. The fuck is tall and willowy, like a goddamn tree wearing a robe and I’m saying that as a fairly big guy myself. I swallow, my throat growing dry at the realization the society’s not going to let this go. They’re going to punish me for not obeying.
“Yes, I was.”
“Yet, you’ve done neither. You chose to go above the Brotherhood, to take your order into your own hands. We didn’t grant you permission. You answer to us, Kingston Banks.”
“May I ask for a different order? You can give me ten others in place of this one and I will complete them no problem. You have my word.”
“Your word?” It’s said mockingly. They go on, dousing any hope momentarily filling my chest. “We do not negotiate.”
I still can’t make out the voice behind the mask and it only serves to frustrate me further. Iris whimpers behind the tape while Beau remains stoic and at peace. He and I talked about this exact scenario happening and he made me promise to choose him as my target. Our conversation fucking sucked and even though I promised him, I could never follow through on it. At the end of the day, I love two people. Iris and Beau. Both in completely different ways, neither less important and I will never let them die because of circumstances I can control.
“Is this guy one of my options?” I hedge, scrounging for anything at this point but my optimism is killed once again with the response they give.
“No.”
“Alright. What’s the weapon of choice?” I ask, hoping for a gun so it’ll be quick. The robed guy in charge waves a hand toward a small table set up in front of Beau. When I see the pistol, I instantly exhale. This is the first feeling of relief I’ve felt since I fucked Iris yesterday morning before the sun came up. It was bliss and I’m so fucking grateful I got to feel my woman and whisper how much I love her before I make this sacrifice.
“You have one minute to make your decision,” they command, making my muscles clench. I can’t believe I’ve looked forward to joining the Brotherhood of Darkness for so many years, only for it to come down to tonight. I was a fucking idiot to believe the society would protect me, but at least through this Beau will know. He’ll watch out for himself and Iris and be certain he can never trust any of them.
I haven’t spoken to my parents in weeks. The thought hits me, and guilt claws at my insides. My mother will be a wreck from my choice tonight. Beau will no doubt try to comfort her, but she’ll push everyone away.
Iris wails under the tape, screaming and crying as I take the gun in my hand. “Shh, baby. I love you and everything’s going to be all right,” I say aloud, no longer giving a fuck about the others surrounding me. In this moment it’s only us. She can’t see anything, but she can hear. I wish like hell I could put earplugs in her ears, so she doesn’t hear what I’m about to do.
What I have to do.
I move closer to Iris and Beau, walking around them, and hating how they can’t touch me in return. I don’t do well being alone and right now I have to make peace with the fact that I’ll always be by myself.
My entire life flashes before my eyes and I couldn’t swallow or speak a single word now if they asked me to. There’s a vice around my chest with the heaviness of what I’m about to do. The severity of my situation is worse than an anchor, plunging me into the depths of darkness as it sinks me to the bottom of the ocean, slowly stealing every breath along the way.
Caressing her cheek, I linger at her side much longer than I should, but I can’t break my touch from her soft skin. I love her so much my heart literally aches right now, as pain skates over my pecs. It’ll be gone soon, but in the meantime, it reminds me I’m very much alive. For now.
My grip on Beau’s shoulder is meant to comfort him, even though I know there’s nothing that can ease us through this. It will be hard on them both, but they’ll get through this together. It’s all I want… my best friend’s happiness. He deserves everything right in this world for never leaving my side. He’s a good man. The best I’ve ever met, if I’m being honest with myself, and there’s no time right now to be anything but.
Once I’ve walked around and silently said my goodbyes to them both, there’s only one thing I have left to do. I don’t hesitate, knowing it’s my only choice. If there were another option, I’d take it, but I have to be the one to go. I’m the toxic one. The crazy, obsessed sicko with no morals unless it pertains to my best friend and the girl I’ve loved most of my life. I’m the monster out of all of us, so it’s only fitting I’m the one who must miss out on the happy parts of life.
I grip the pistol, flicking the safety off, then place the barrel against my temple.
And pull the trigger.
CHAPTER ONE
Iris
My nerves are scattered in pure chaos. One minute I’m hopeful we can figure a way out of this and the next I’m terrified that these guys will force Kingston to finish what they’ve ordered him to do. Everything seems out of control and I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be a part of a group that has such tragic initiation processes. If this is what they order them to do to get into the society… what will they expect them to accomplish orbe, once they’re in. And why would Kingston or Beau want anything to do with it?
Beau’s been beside me the entire time the strange, altered voice and Kingston have been talking. I’m certain it’s him because I recognized his cologne when they shoved him to the ground beside me. His deep inhales and forced exhales while trying to calm himself are possibly helping me more than they are him. He’s raging with anger; I can feel it radiating off of him and I fucking hate that I can’t help him.
“You have one minute to make your decision.”
I scream around the tape secured over my mouth, wanting to remind Kingston of his promise to me.Take me out and then make every single one of these fuckers pay for making him do it.When nothing coherent comes from my failed attempts at yelling, I burst into tears and immediately begin to pray to a God I haven’t spoken to in years.
Please, God. Please accept me and forgive Kingston for what he’s being forced into today. Have mercy on his soul and protect him in this life and his next.
“Shh, baby. I love you and everything’s going to be alright,” Kingston’s soothing voice sweeps over me, not at all making me feel at ease and tearing my heart to shreds. I’m shaking my head when I hear footsteps approach us, getting too close for comfort. My sobs seep through my bindings while snot and tears paint my face in sadness.
