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Dax shrugs out of Colt's grasp. "I didn't need you coming in here like a fucking hero. You're not Bodie, and I ain't a girl on a bridge. I can handle myself."
The reckless behavior. Mac and Finnegan warned them all about it, but it's different seeing it firsthand. At least it's only Dax in harm's way rather than the entire club, and for the first time, Colt sees it. He sees the similarities between himself and Dax.
"Man, what the fuck are you doing? What is this? Are you looking to get your ass kicked and tossed in a ditch to die?"
"Maybe? What the fuck do you care? You don't know me."
"You're my President, for one. That kind of requires me to care. But I also know what you're doing, and it's not going to do anything good."
Rolling his eyes, Dax turns away. "You don't know what it's like."
"What?"
"Losing your old lady."
"The fuck I don't. I've lost her more times than most," Colt says. "Well, except her dad. I've been like you. I've been self-destructive, and I've pushed her away to the point the only option she had left was to walk away from my stupid ass."
Whipping around, Dax pushes him backwards. "Yeah, but she always comes back. I can't get mine back! You have no idea what it's like to come home and find her gone. Dead. Not being there when she needed you."
"You wanna talk about that? Okay, let's talk. I know what you're going through. Lex almost didn't come back. The difference is, when Dani was taken from you, she knew you loved her. Lex didn't believe I loved her when she was abducted."
Dax wipes his eyes. "But you found her."
"Yeah, we did. But for three fucking days, I had no idea where she was or who she was with. What they were doing to her. And what killed me the most, besides the fact I hadn't had a chance to make things right yet, was that I could have been there. I should have been there, and I wasn't because I was stubborn and on this self-righteous path that led to nowhere."
"What are you talking about?"
"She was taken right outside the Black Valley clubhouse. The same clubhouse I was in. And I felt her. I felt like she needed me, and I almost showed up. I did. But then I didn't, and she was taken. Beaten and taken, and I don't know that I can ever forgive myself for not being there when she needed me."
His eyes study Colt's. "You felt her?"
"I did. I had this indescribable urge to walk outside, and I knew deep down it was Lex. I did. But something inside caught my attention, and I didn't go out there. And earlier that night, she'd left with another man because she stopped believing I loved her. After she filed for divorce. For three long ass days, I had no idea where my wife was, and I honestly thought I'd lost all hope of making up for all the shit I'd done."
"But she's still here."
"Barely. She got kidnapped because of my club, and the reason she was outside the clubhouse was because she came to find me. The guy that followed her, the one who told us she'd been hit and taken, said she called out for me. She came to find me after I was the world's biggest jackass, and she called for me to help her, and I didn't. I didn't think it could get worse."
Nodding, Dax looks at the ground. "But you found her."
"If it wasn't for Melanie, I may not have. When we found her, though, I wished those assholes had taken and killed me instead of what they did to her. It felt like death to see what they did to her. Because of my club."
"My girl can't come back, Colt. Yours did, and that's great. I'm fucking happy for you, and I wish I wasn't jealous, but I am."
"One of the big things almost losing Lex taught me was to think about how she would want me to live. How to act. Dani wouldn't want you living this way, man."
Pushing him, Dax winds up to hit him, but Colt catches his fist in his hand as he finds his balance again. "Fuck you! You didn't fucking know her!"
"No, but I know old ladies. I'd probably be just like you if I lost Lex, but I also know Lex would kick my ass for acting this way. And I think Dani probably wants to do that right about now, too. You want to get your ass kicked, let's get in a fucking ring. You can fight me if you think it'll make you feel better. I'll give youthe ass beating I know you feel you deserve, but none of it is going to bring her back."
"I miss her so fucking much," Dax says, pulling his hand from Colt's. "I can't see beyond the anger and the pain anymore. There's no light at the end of this darkness, man. Everyone keeps saying it'll get better, but it fucking doesn't."
"It's going to fucking suck for a long time, but you'll grow a tolerance for the pain. It'll still hit you sometimes and knock the air from your lungs, but it gets easier."
Looking at the ground, he shakes his head. "What the fuck do you know about loss? This isn't like the loss of a member. It's so fucking different."
"I lost my brother. Bio brother. He hadn't even graduated high school yet, and I was in the room when we took him off life support. I watched my little brother, the good son, take his last breath, and then we buried him."
"I forgot about Noah. I'm sorry-"
