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“Worked out for you since I’m letting you crash with me for a few days,” he says.
I laugh. “Maybe you can help me with my new project, too. You know, since you have all that free time after retiring.”
He snorts. “I’m still at the bakery, for what it’s worth. I think I havelessfree time now than I did when I was playing.”
“Bring me home some cookies.”
“Will do. You know the code, so let yourself in. We should be home in a couple hours.” He pauses, and then he asks, “What’s the new project?”
“Coach Dixon asked me to head up a new one-on-one mentorship program with rookies. He wants an outline on his desk next week.”
“That’s incredible, Ash. What are you thinking?”
I launch into all the ideas that have been brewing in my head since Coach asked me to do this. Life in the league, building relationships with teammates, managing time commitments, commitment to the game, dealing with fame while staying grounded, even avoiding temptation while knowing what to look for when it comes to personal relationships.
He tells me he’s on board to help me, and I’m excited about this new opportunity as well as the trust Coach is giving me by handing it over to me.
I get to work at Grayson’s kitchen table as soon as I walk through the doors. I’m focused on the task at hand, breaking only to order dinner and eating it once it arrives while I work.
I shut everything else out, but when a text comes through from Desiree shortly before I know I need to head to bed, I can’t ignore it.
I do, however, stare at it for a long, long time.
Desiree:Hope you had a good day. Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking about you.
I contemplate what to say in reply.
I’ve never done this. I’ve never been in a relationship, and I don’t know how to handle myself.
I want to choose her with everything in me, but Coach Dixon just gave me this new responsibility, and I feel torn.
I can't lie to him when he's putting trust in me. I can’t let him down when he’s giving me the chance I’ve been looking for in the locker room.
Football first. It’s how I was raised, and I can’t see any other way out of it.
I think my only option is to start pulling back.
The mere thought of pulling back all the way sends a deep pang of despair through my stomach. I don't want to cut off contact with her, but I also don't know how to keep seeing her and maintain my coach’s trust in me.
I'd love to explore where this could go because I've never met anyone like her. I don't know that anyone exists like her that could fulfill me in the sort of way she has in the short time we've known each other, but I don't know that I have it in me to continue betraying someone who is intent on giving me his trust.
And so I keep my reply simple for now so I can focus on everything else until I can come to some conclusion about what to do.
Me:Practice was brutal. I have some things I need to take care of, so I probably won't be able to meet up before you head back.
I hit send and wish I felt some relief after sending that message, but all I feel is sadness.
Chapter 38: Desiree Dixon
The Right Man for the Job
I sensed it last night after I told him I was moving to Vegas. Maybe I shouldn't have told him. Maybe he thinks my entire decision hinges on what's happening between the two of us, but in truth, there's more to it than that.
I wouldn't move my entire life to a new city solely because of a man, but my parents are there, and I already have a job offer. It feels like all the pieces fell into place at the right time, and that's what drove my decision, not the great sex with the football player.
But I think I've scared him off at this point. I hope that's not the case, but he’s pulling back, and I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do about that. The reply to my text was a very clear brush-off, which hurts more than it should since we never promised each other anything.
It hurts because it feels like history is repeating itself. It was the first step to Clay breaking my heart three years ago, and here we go again.
