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My wish fills the doorway.
9
HAYDEN
Rae’s hair is wild like he’s run his hands through it a thousand times since I last saw him. I can’t believe he’s here. Or how good it is to see him. Both are a dazzling distraction until I’m close enough to see below his smiling surface.
He’s also tense. Tired. More than a little wired, and I take a stab at guessing the reason.
“You been burning the candle at both ends again, Rae?”
That’s what he told me he needs to do to hit his deadlines. This evening, he shakes his head before just as quickly capitulating. He nods, and his grin of greeting fades but doesn’t drop entirely, which is good. He doesn’t have to pretend to me that he’s got his shit together, and he must feel that to admit, “Maybe a little,” before he goes all in, and I’d forgotten how much I liked how he isn’t afraid to tell his whole story—the good, the bad, and the deadline-challenged.
“Actually yes, but only because I’ve been trying to fit drawing around my project workshops. I needed to after finally getting an answer from that agent.Myagent.”
Here’s something new: He’s so fucking proud that his chest puffs, his gaze locking with mine and holding.
“Because she said yes.” His grin is a lightning flash even if it comes with some hedging. “Kinda, at least.” An incisor rakes his lower lip in a suggestion of nerves. He goes all in again to share the reason for them. “Thought about emailing the school to let you know.” His gaze drops just as quickly. Perhaps he reads the same mosaic message and wonders if he’s welcome. “Then I thought that might be weird, right?” He rubs the back of his neck, still studying those green and white tiles. “If I emailed the school to get a message to you like I almost did? Or asked Sol if he had your number. I mean, we only?—”
Got up close and personal at a party?
Let romantic wedding vibes tangle us like brambles?
But that isn’t all I remember from that weekend. What has stayed with me since is how Rae threw himself into helping, and how he drew Finn and Willow’s big day for so many people. He didn’t have to do any of that, and perhaps that’s why I’m honest. “I wouldn’t have minded if you’d messaged me.”
“No?”
He traces that mosaic with the tip of a shoe, his head still down, and that’s all kinds of wrong from someone who was on my team when I needed him. He went all out, so I return the favour, even if this feels risky. “No.” I tilt his chin with a steady finger. “I’ve been kicking myself that we didn’t swap numbers.”
“Yeah?” Here’s that smile I prefer, intense and only for me, and who knows why that makes me gruffer than usual.
“Yeah, Rae. I wanted to know how you were doing.”
“You really been thinking about me, Hayden?” He’s teasing now. That lightning smile widens, and who knows how long I stand there, smiling back until footsteps echo.
Luke returns, and I drop my hand, not sure when I stopped tilting Rae’s chin up with a single finger and switched to cuppinghis jaw. All I know is that my palm tingles, and I can’t blame that on chainsaw or tractor vibration. I shove my hands back where they belong and hope Luke didn’t notice.
“Rae! You’re back.”
“Hi, Luke.” Rae instantly switches that intense focus, talking a mile a minute, and that’s another difference I can’t help registering now I’ve seen it. All this speed and switch of focus comes with an increase in tension. “Yes. I hit up Sol to hitch a ride down with your latest batch of new kids.”
He looks over his shoulder, and I see the school minibus in the car park, where Sol talks with a group of unfamiliar faces. A couple of more familiar ones join them, Teo and Noah stepping up, which is good to see. Rae faces us again, wets his lips, and launches into the same kind of pick-me pitch I came here to make this evening.
“My agent wanted me to focus on one journey and find a unique angle. I showed her some rough drafts, and she loved my concept. I didn’t know she’d shop the idea around so quickly, let alone get some nibbles from publishers. They want to see more progress before making a final offer.” He rushes over both of our congratulations, doing more of that spilling without editing away his failures. “Problem is, I’ve got nothing new to show them.”
He doesn’t strike me as lazy. He can’t have struck Luke that way either, who scores a bullseye with his guess. “Because you went back to France, and didn’t have time?”
Rae nods. He also swallows. “I’ve been trying.” I can guess what drowned his focus—that never-ending tide of kids he’s described to me once already. “I need to go back.”
If that is Rae’s plan, he’s come in the wrong direction for a flight or ferry across the English Channel. He acknowledges that right away.
“Not back there.” I don’t know why his next glance my way feels nervous. He frowns as hard as Luke next, and that looks all wrong on him. “Here. Because this is where that journey started.”
“Here?” Luke shifts a still-sleeping Jamila on his shoulder, his voice low. “At Glynn Harber?”
“Yes. All I need is your permission. Well, and some time.” Here comes a pitch I’m pretty sure Rae doesn’t need to make. Not to Luke, who switches from furrowed to openly interested as Rae says, “I know you’ve only just got your building back, and every room will be timetabled, but Sol says he could carve out a corner for me to work in, with your agreement. In return, I’d run that friendship-making workshop you mentioned. Because you said that the first few weeks here could be make-or-break for the new students, right? I could make it fun for them. Get them all talking to each other. I’ve had a ton of practice at doing that.”
He glances back, and when he faces Luke again, I recognise someone about to take their shot. He’s determined not to miss it, and I’ve faced a whole lot of strikers. This is the first time I’ve wanted one to score this badly.
