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Embrace The Fear was about to go on when we got there. And the guys from the other bands were hanging around. Joey and Stoli waved us over and gave us bro hugs. “Hey,” Joey said. “I want to talk to you, Ziggy. But this obviously isn’t the time. But let’s get together for a few before you take off tomorrow.”
“Uh, yeah, sure.” I was surprised, but not entirely. Miami and Jinx were good friends with Joey and Stoli. “No problem. We’re going around front. Kick ass tonight.” I fist-bumped both of them and all of our band moved around so we could watch the performance and not be in the way. It could get crowded around the back and side stages.
There were still bands playing on Sunday, and Wolf, in particular, was interested in checking them out. They leaned more toward the alternative or unusual, not the normal things you see in a metal band. Griffin Marsh and Chaser Lost, inparticular. Marsh was more of a solo artist, but Chaser Lost was backing him for this performance, and it could be an interesting combo. So we decided to wait until after the last show to leave.
Which meant I was still around when Joey and Stoli from Social Sinners came by. Joey took my arm with a stern expression that I could tell wasn’t going to let me argue about it. “Let’s walk.”
“Okay…”
“Listen. I’m going to jump right in here. There was a time when I drowned myself in a bottle. Drowned the emotions and drowned my potential.”
“I’ve heard something about that.”
“Good. So you know that when I tell you I see myself in you that I’m not talking out of my ass.”
“What uh, what do you see? Exactly…”
“You have a very similar issue that is long overdue from being addressed. I’ve seen you at the festival this weekend, but I’ve known you for a while now, and I can tell it’s only getting worse.”
“I’ve been having issues with my back. I saw a doctor for it so—”
“Let me guess, you’re self-medicating. Or you have been.”
“Yeah. Something like that.”
“Mmm…” Joey led us over to a few empty tables in the back of the food tent. “You’re going to lose everything if you don’t get help. I did. You need to. You understand that? Because it’s not only medicating your back pain. You’re medicating your life.” He held up his hands when I started to protest. “First, it’s just this, later it’s just that. Eventually, it all gets mixed up together, but really it’sjusta bunch of lame-ass excuses, dude.”
“I’m not…”
“Not what? Smoking pot? Drinking? Doing whatever else you can get your hands on? Oh, it’s the rock and roll lifestyle? You can’t pull up an excuse that I haven’t used.”
“Why are you here?”
“I’d like to think we’re friends, Ziggy. At least on some level. We’re totally friends with Miami and Jinx. We’ve known Jinx for a while. And you’re family with them. So you’re important. But also, part of recovery is giving back. Maybe that’s what I’m doing here. What I’m not doing is picking on you. Poor Ziggy. Fuck that. It’s time for you to man up, dude. You think Coleman is going to stick around if you don’t get your shit together?”
I exhaled long and slow. How could I argue with that? If the shoe was on the other foot… “He’s been really cool.”
“I know. I can see how much he loves you by how he looks at you, dude. It’s how I look at Stoli.”
“I haven’t even told him I love him.”
“How can you tell? I don’t mean to be a dick here, but you’re so fucked up and high all the time, there’s no way you feel anything.”
“Oh, I feel.”
“Do you?”
“Too much. Maybe that’s the problem. I don’t know.” We sat in silence for a few minutes. I think he was giving me space to think. I tapped a beat on the table. It helped me get shit straight in my head a little. If it was even possible. “I’ve never had a relationship like this before. I don’t want to fuck it up again. But… Yeah, you’re not wrong, Joey. It started as the lifestyle. Feeling like a rockstar. Becoming part of who I am. And numbing me from feeling the failure when Midnight Hunt broke up.”
“The breakup wasn’t your failure.”
“No, but Jinx succeeded alone. Wolf did, though more behind the scenes. I didn’t.”
“Fth…” What the fuck kind of sound was that? “You kept playing. Touring. And you were ready when Midnight Huntcame back. But you’re about to be the failure that breaks them up for a second time.”
I put my forehead against the table. “You think that?”
“Don’t you?”
