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A shiver ran through her and she reached for the blanket, drawing it up over her chilled skin. Dammit, she never should’ve stopped taking her birth control. But it had seemed so unnecessary since she hadn’t been sexually active in an embarrassing amount of time.
Lucas tossed the towel, as well as his wet bandage, and slid beneath the sheet. She could feel the weight of his stare, and when she dared to look over, she saw those intelligent, ice-blue orbs intently focused on her, trying to see into her soul and discover her secrets. All she could do was look away like a coward as she picked at the edge of the blanket.
“You got your hand wet,” she said in a quiet voice.
“It’s fine.”
“It’s a bullet graze,” she admonished. “We should re-wrap it.”
“First tell me what’s going on in that gorgeous head of yours. Talk to me,Onça, or I’m going to think you don’t like me anymore,” he said, striving to keep his tone light and teasing.
For a long moment, she didn’t say anything.
“I do like you, and that’s the problem,” she finally admitted grumpily. Those enticing dimples of his appeared and she swallowed hard. “A part of me wishes we could go back to when you were still just Cipher and I was Bruja.”
“Can’t go back,” he stated and covered her hand with his much larger one, stilling its nervous movements.
“It would make life easier right now.”
“Were you happy with how things were before we met? Tell me the truth.”
“Happy isn’t the right word. I was comfortable, not scared like I am right now.” She could hardly believe those words just came out of her mouth.
He scoffed, threading his long fingers through hers. “You’re the most fearless woman I’ve ever met.”
“Not when it comes to you.”
“If it makes you feel any better, the things you make me feel scare the crap outta me.”
She pulled her hand away. “I can’t get serious with you, Lucas. Or any man. Whatever is happening between us…it’s only temporary.”
“Okay…but why?” he asked, voice soft and so damn understanding that she wanted to scream in frustration. Why couldn’t he just be an asshole and make this easy?
“Because!” she huffed, voice full of frustration.
“I’m going to need a better reason than that,” he murmured, studying her intently, “because you need to know that what just happened between us…it’s worth fighting for. What I’m feeling right now for you…I’ve never felt for another woman. This thing between us is rare and so fucking amazing that I don’t want to let go. I physically can’t. Whether you like it or not, I’m going to hold on to you and somehow make you take a chance. On me, on us. And, if you let me, I’m going to love you something fierce, Inda.”
Love.Her heart caught when he said the word, and even though every part of her yearned to try, she knew she’d only end up disappointing him.
“You don’t get it,” she whispered. “I’m not worthy of your love. I’ve done bad things. Things I can’t even forgive myself for, and I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
His brow furrowed. “Are you talking about being an assassin? It’s your job, I get it. You eliminate bad people.”
She shook her head, moving further away, needing space from his penetrating blue gaze. How was she supposed to tell a man who’d loved his mother so much that she was the reason her own mother had died? Guilt weighed heavily on her heart as she turned away, facing the opposite wall.
“Inda—”
“Goodnight, Lucas,” she interrupted, squeezing her eyes shut, ignoring the hot tears that seeped from beneath her lids. Dammit, she didn’t ever cry. At least, not before meeting Lucas Sheridan.
She heard Lucas sigh. He was disappointed in her, but better now than later. The light clicked off and she told herself this was for the best. End it now. Before she made the mistake of falling harder for him.
Before she was completely and stupidly head over heels in love.
Chapter Eighteen
Lucas tossed and turned, unable to sleep after Inda pushed him away. How had he fucked things up so royally? By being too honest with her? He respected her too damn much to play games with her, though.
Fuck me,he thought, throwing an arm over his face.I’m falling in love with a woman who doesn’t want me.
