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She wiped the tears off her face and bit into her cookie. “Hey,” she said, mouth full.
“Everybody gone?” he asked.
She nodded, tears slipping down her cheeks.
He rubbed his big, warm palm on her back. Up and down her spine, circle in the middle.
“It’s just hard, you know?” she said, knowing she was starting a conversation in the middle but not caring. “My job bought them their dream home and makes sure they never have to worry about medical expenses. But that same job means I never get to see them either. Because if I’m spottedoncein New Jersey, it’s a fucking circus.” She swiveled his direction to find him already sitting sideways, facing her. “Did you know the media reports that I’mestrangedfrom them? And we don’t correct it because it’s safer for them if the entire world thinks I’m just some megalomaniac popstar who doesn’t know how to love.
“It’s just…so fucking lonely sometimes.”
His dark eyes watched her so, so carefully. Calm and warm and patient. She could fall into those eyes and never come out.
Grabbing a cookie off the counter, she held it out to him. “Cookie?”
He took it, a small smile tipping his lips briefly. He set it aside and took her hand into both of his warm ones.
“Your family knows you love them,” he said. “And they love you just as much.”
“Yeah,” she replied, glumly. “I’m just being a baby.” She dropped her head, knowing she had so much to be grateful for and no right to complain.
He caught her chin with one of his hands and lifted, bringing her eyes back to his earnest stare.
“You miss your family. Don’t feel bad about that.”
She tried to force a smile but it just didn’t take.
“Fuck.” He let go of her only to wrap both arms around her shoulders and pull her off the stool and into his chest.
She smashed her face against the soft cotton of his shirt and inhaled his scent. He was all clean man smell, like soap and laundry detergent and a hint of whatever he used in his beard.
Somewhere along the way she’d associated his scent with familiarity andhome.She snaked her arms around his middle and stepped into the space his open legs provided.
He didn’t tell her not to cry or that it would be all right. He just held her and let her get her tears all over his shirt. It was a nice shirt.
“I feel like if I just had one person, you know? Just the one.” She was speaking nonsense of course. Because there would never be anybody. Even if she found someone she could trust like that,trust to have her back and not betray her, who would want that kind of life? It wouldn’t be anything close to normal. She’d never be able to provide for them what she was asking them to provide for her. It wasn’t fair and no one ever said it would be.
“You wanna go for a ride?” Asa’s deep voice spoke low, right in her ear.
She tipped her head back and he leaned back to see her. “What?”
He cupped her shoulders and ran his hands down her arms to her elbows and back up again. “Do you think Cas would be okay with it? If we took a ride?”
She blinked at his soft, careful tone.
He really was the best kind of person.
She nodded. “Yeah.” She wiped at her face. “I’ll text him.”
“You want to do that?” he asked, trying to catch her eyes.
She kept nodding. “I do. I want that.”
He cracked a smile. “Okay.”
Twenty minutes later they were both changed and in the garage.
She’d texted Cas her plans. His reply had been short and carefully worded. He told her to be careful and to wear the Air Tag. She slipped it into her back pocket like last time.
