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That it was perfect, and she couldn’t believe he’d managed to make something that spoke right to her soul in a way she hadn’t felt inyears.
But only one thing came out.
“You broke my heart,” she blurted, not thinking. Or maybe not caring. Maybe both.
André’s eager expression immediately went blank.
She hadn’t meant to be the one to bring it up. She thought she understood what had happened enough that it didn’t need to be dissected.
But watching him excitedly talk about his plans for her space and using his intimate knowledge of her to build something so perfect…it was too much.
It hurt like a sledgehammer to her sternum. The more he talked, the harder it had become for her to breathe.
“You keep doing all these great things and I can’t tell if it’s because you just have no idea or if you don’t care. So, you should know. You broke my heart.”
André’s eyebrows dipped and twitched. She couldn’t tell if it was confusion or concern. But now that she’d started to let it out, she couldn’t stop it. Or maybe she didn’t want to stop it. They had never talked about it. About how he’d disappeared and left her holding the baggage of all they’d created together. She’d never been able to express how it had felt to be left without explanation.
“I thought you didn’t know me,” she said, hating that her voice shook. “I thought, if you knew me,really knew me,you would never hurt me like this.”
He didn’t move. He just stood there, staring at her.
She took a step towards him and put a hand on her chest. “I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you and you just stopped speaking to me. Who does that?”
He opened his mouth, closed it.
She nodded and looked around the room. Looking for anything to anchor herself to but she was surrounded by chaos. When her eyes landed on André, they began to burn. Dammit. She didn’t want to cry.
“I guess I’m not okay after all,” she said. “Because listening to you just now.” She swung an arm toward the doorway. “What you made in the lounge.” She dropped her arm and bit the inside of her lip. “You know me very well.”
She took a shaky breath.
Part of her wanted to scream at him. To yell and explode with grief and rage. But hurting people had never been her style.
“So that means that you knew exactly what you were doing back when you did it. You broke my heart, and you did it on purpose.”
“Nik.” He took a step toward her.
She took a step back.
“I loved yousomuch,” she whispered. He flinched. She inhaled through her nose and cleared her throat. “I waited an embarrassingly long time for you that night. Long after I knew you weren’t coming. I called and called and called. And you couldn’t just tell me what was going on. Do you know how dehumanizing that is? How many days I tried again just to be left with no answers. None. You became a stranger overnight and I wasn’t even allowed to ask why.” She rolled her eyes, fresh shame pulling through her insides at how ridiculously naive she’d been.
“And now you come in here and show me that you were paying a lot more attention to me than I realized. The gallery ceiling? That’s brilliant. Truly. I still can’t figure out what I did that was wrong.” Her thoughts were bouncing around in her head like a hot potato. She knew she was all over the map, but the entire situation was fucked up and convoluted.
“Nik,” he said again, soft and careful. “It was never you.Iwas the problem.”
“That’s your father talking,” she said, knowing it was low and saying it anyway. “I liked everything about you.”
He shook his head like she didn’t get it.
Maybe she didn’t. But how complicated could it be?
“You were in love with a lie, Nik,” he said, earnest as ever.
“I wasn’t,” she protested.
“You were.” He took a step toward her, and she didn’t retreat this time. “I withheld myself from you. I was terrified that if you saw me for who I was, you would leave. And it became too much for me. I should have talked to you. I should have told you everything. You deserved…better.”
“You could tell me now.” Did she want to know? No. But she needed to.
