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On the outside she was calm, cool, collected.
Inside was another matter. She felt like her head and heart were pulling her in different directions. And then for one spontaneous and ill-prepared moment, they’d both wanted the same thing.
“Hey,” Asa got her attention. “Go home, pack. I can finish this no problem. And then let’s go see a movie.” He turned back to the board. “Get chill before you have to leave. They’re playingPhantom Menaceat the Logan tonight.”
That sounded amazing actually.
“I’m supposed to go on a date with Ryan tonight,” she said.
She sensed rather than saw Asa spin around in his chair and stare at her. She glanced up, trying not to smile. “What?”
“That’s still happening?”
“Four dates. That’s the deal. He gets one more.”
“Wow. You’re truly magnanimous,” Asa deadpanned.
Nikki chuckled. “Listen, he’s nice and who I date is none of your business anyway.”
“Is it André’s business?”
Nikki made a face and Asa chuckled as he spun back around.
No. It was none of André’s business either.
And yet she felt queasy about it.
Even though she shouldn’t!
“Have you talked to him about…you know.”
She stared at the back of Asa’s head until he spun around to face her again.
“To André,” Asa said. “Have you guys at least cleared the air on what happened?”
Nikki continued to stare at Asa as her mind raced with all that his question brought up.
“We talk.” Nikki shrugged and knew it was too large a movement for what she was hoping to convey. “We talk a lot. Sometimes we talk so much that I’m like, ‘Whoa, buddy. Leave some things a mystery.’”
“Uh-huh.” Asa cleared his throat, unimpressed. After a beat he sighed and ran a hand over his short-cropped black hair. “I know I’m not exactly the poster child for dealing with difficult things. But maybe that’s why you’re so confused about all of this. Because you still have questions and he’s the only one who has those answers.”
She narrowed her eyes and growled at him.
He laughed. “Maybe I’m wrong.” He put his hands up, palms facing her. “Maybe you can be in love with someone, and after a long enough time, all those pesky feelings go away.”
He went back to the control board after he’d finished speaking. He didn’t wait to see how Nikki reacted to his words.
And she was glad for it.
Because even though she couldn’t explain it, sadness grabbed hold of her heart and squeezed.
He was right. Love didn’t just go away. It lingered. Just on the edge of her awareness, it pricked at her heart. It whispered in her dreams. And it never truly left.
She hated that Asa was right.
Because that meant she was going to have to ask André why.
To “clear the air” as it were.
