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Nikki smiled her thanks, but she was still unsettled.
It was the biggest deal of her entire life.
So why was she so afraid of the next steps?
“But what if, you guys,” she blurted. “What if Shelby was right?”
Both Al and Asa looked at her like she’d said that Sonic Youth was overrated—horrified and confused.
“Why—?” Asa cut himself off with a pained expression and a headshake, like he was physically rejecting the very idea she’d proposed.
“Yeah, I’m with Asa,” Al said, her lip still curled in disgust. “Why would you give her any credibility? She’s a dick.”
Nikki nodded, agreeing. “But what if she was right about me and she was the only one willing to say it?”
Asa set his coffee cup down so he could wave both hands at her. “No. She was never right about anything she ever said. Not one thing. The only reason she said shitty things about you, about me, about Al, was because that’s all she has—words. She has zero talent and zero skill.”
Al nodded her head. “It’s true. She got off on hurting people. She knew what you wanted to do with your life, and she attacked it. Just because she could.”
Rationally, Nikki knew they were right.
“I get it,” Asa said, voice tight. “Shelby could say the very thing you secretly feared about yourself. And that makes it hard to dismiss. But please believe the people wholoveyou. Not the people who hate you.”
Nikki took a deep breath and nodded.
“It’s just hard,” she admitted.
Al and Asa both came at her with hugs then. She held on to them and tried to push aside the fears that Shelby had put into words years ago. Words that she could never erase completely.
She was on the cusp of getting everything she’d ever dreamed of.
And those fears and doubts just kept getting louder.
She excused herself to shower so she wouldn’t be late for work, promising to stop letting Shelby’s wicked words have any more time in her mind.
It was probably because she was so absolutely exhausted from working all weekend. She was depleted physically and creatively.
That always led to negative self-talk and second-guessing.
The smart thing would have been to call Johnny and tell him what she’d been doing all weekend and then take a nap.
But she didn’t do that.
Instead, she got dressed, drank three more cups of coffee, and went back to the studio.
By the time she reached the lounge, her heart was pounding so hard she could feel it in her teeth.
She dropped her stuff in the lounge and went to find Johnny. He was smart. Smarter than her. Maybe she’d tell him what was potentially happening and talk her out of it the way he’d talked Shawn out of a million other bad ideas.
“Hey,” she said, tapping the open door of the control room for studio Y. Johnny looked up from the board and removed his headphones. She wondered what he was working on but didn’t ask.
“You look tired,” he said with a worried frown.
Nikki glared but it was half-hearted. “That’s not something you’re supposed to say to women.”
Johnny arched an eyebrow. “I’m not insulting you. You look like you haven’t slept in days.”
Nikki dropped onto the leather couch and sighed. “I have to tell you something.”
