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Ihave spent the last half hour, maybe more, trying to explain to my two best friends my very simple yet complex relationship with Graham. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times I say he is just my stepbrother, they don’t listen. I have repeatedly said he does not see me that way, and I don’t think of him that way, either.
Remember that, Casey.
They don’t need to know about my crush. Or the way I assaulted him when I was sixteen. Or how he beat the shit out of my boyfriend when I was eighteen. Or anything that’s happened since his return.
Geez, that’s a lot of details left out.
“Casey, the man looked ready to commit homicide at the release party,” Lily says for the fifth time.
Ashleigh nods as she slurps down her frozen mango margarita with gusto. “Yep. That was definitely touch her and die vibes. I could feel them from across the room. Trust me. I know the look.”
I wave them both off. “Of course, he looked like that.” I grab my Cosmo, down it, and reach for the other Lily ordered, knowing I always toss the first back fast, then sip on the second the rest of the night. “He’s always been protective. Like a bigbrother.”I add extra emphasis to the last word, hoping tofinallyget through to them.
I swear, these two… I’ve heard Ryder and Maddox referred to as the trouble twins by my dad. I think he and Uncle Henry may have snagged the female version.
“You are blind, sweetheart.” I shake my head at my determined bestie, but she ignores me and keeps talking. “That man did not look at you like you were an adorable little sister. He looked at you like you werehis.”
I don’t know why she is like a dog with a bone about this—both of them. But I cannot let them get in my head. It might’ve been a silly little girl crush, but it felt like everything. It hurt so much every time I was rejected—knife in my chest, cutting my heart out. It’s not something I want to relive.
“And tonight, he looks at you like you’re his next meal.” My head snaps to her, catching the glimmer of mirth in her eyes as she lifts her drink to her lips and cuts her head to her right.
My attention jerks in the direction of her nod, and my lungs cease to work properly. How have I not noticed him twenty feet away? How long has he been there? And how long have Lily and Ashleigh noticed without saying a word?
His chocolate eyes blaze, latching onto mine the second I turn my head. I can feel the flames lapping up my neck, reaching my cheeks as I struggle not to get lost in those eyes. It’s the same look as the elevator and the library. The one that makes me question my sanity. I’m mesmerized as his tongue rakes slowly across his bottom lip before he drags it between his teeth. My ears turn to fire when he tips his drink my way with a teasing wink, making it known I am not imagining this.
The fire brushing my flesh sinks into my muscles and bones, traveling everywhere until I’m squirming in my seat from the heat licking at my core. Hot moisture pools between my thighs, and…Oh, my God, why is he so hot?
Something else flutters, too. A bubbling deep in my stomach and chest threatens to sprout wings and take flight. I swallow hard, begging the tiny flutters to die because the last thing I need is to feed my delusions again.
Then something—or rather someone behind him grabs my attention, and the flicker of hope burns to ash. Maybe I shouldn’t be relieved, but I am. This I can handle. Knowing there’s no genuine interest… That I am not now, nor will I ever be, his type keeps me in check. “You’re both projecting,” I tell my friends, nodding toward the voluptuous redhead next to him. I’ve seen her in tons of pictures with him. I may have had a weak moment or two over the years and searched him in the news. “Thatis his type. Not his androgynous little stepsister.”
Lily rolls her eyes. “You are far from androgynous.” She reaches over, grabbing a handful of my boobs, making me yelp and cover. Her finger circles them. “Those are perfect. Not too small, but not too big. You don’t even have to wear a bra, and they stand at attention all by themselves. Do you know how much I’d kill for that?” Then her finger circles my face. “And there’s nothing remotely masculine about that. You look like a living doll. But even if you were, some of the most beautiful people in the world are androgynous. It’s not a bad trait, so stop with the pessimism.”
I open my mouth, ready to argue I’m not being negative. Just realistic about what Graham is attracted to when a tiny hand claps over my mouth. “You won’t win this argument, Case. She’s right. You are hot. Golden hair, tight body, legs forever. You are what women aspire to be. You’re like a fucking runway model. Why don’t you see that?” Ashleigh tells me.
Fire erupts behind my eyes, and I squeeze them shut, hoping the tears won’t fall. I feel scolded and uplifted all at once. I wish I could see myself the way they describe, but I can’t. Nomatter how hard I try, I see everything that’s wrong with me. Everything my mother made sure to point out, even offering to have it surgically corrected, for as long as I can remember. I hate looking in the mirror because I always hear her voice pointing out every flaw. And after myincident,the ridicule increased because of my scars. As soon as I turned eighteen, I had Jagger hook me up with his tattoo artist. I’m sure my dad would have before then, but I didn’t want to explain I wanted them to cover the damage I caused myself.
“Fine,” I agree as I force the tears back, pulling my purse to my lap and digging inside. After grabbing my mint container and dumping a couple of the small ovals in my hand, I toss them in my mouth and grab my drink. “I am not drunk enough for… any of this, anyway.”
I pretend I don’t see their curious looks as I down my drink and wave over the server for another. Fortunately, they give up fast, and Lily orders a round of tequila shots and a round of chocolate cake shots.
Great!Looks like we’re mixing our way straight to all-day hangovers tomorrow.
“Well, this is one fine as hell looking table.” Blaze Erikson appears out of thin air in front of our table with glassy eyes and a flirtatious smile. I immediately start wondering if we should tell him to go. He’s not popular with my dad or his friends, but I have no idea why. “Rumor has it congratulations are in order.” He looks at Lily, who smiles around her straw, flashing the sparkly ring my dad gave her. “Too bad.”
“You never stood a chance, but you made great bait.” She’s shameless, admitting she used him to make my dad jealous last year. “Besides, my brother would lose his shit, and we might both die.”
“Your brother is a dick,” he spits, his eyes flashing with anger.
“What’s with you two, anyway?” She asks, but I’m curious too. Why doesn’t he get along with my dad or his friends? And the entire world knows there’s no love lost between Blaze, the lead singer for Dirty Minds, and Lily’s brother, Angel.
“He likes to stick his nose where it doesn’t fucking belong. That’s what.” His jaw works back and forth for a second, then, as if nothing happened, the anger evaporates. “How about I buy you girls a round of drinks?” No sooner does he ask does the server arrives with our drinks.
“We’re all set,” Lily tells him.
Disappointment darkens his eyes. Actually, I think it’s annoyance.Weird. “I’ll get the next ones then.”
I think I’m getting whiplash with his rapid-cycle moods.
