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“It’s more my thing,” Thane spoke up. “But he’s way better at it than me.”
“It always seems to go that way, doesn’t it?” Matt said with a sigh. “We’re never as good as we want to be at the things we love most. I wanted to be a guitarist in a band. I even took lessons, yet I still can’t play a song to save my life.” Motioning toward the ball, he told Thane, “Why don’t you pick who goes next?”
“Sure.” Thane glanced around the room, and we all shrank a step back.
Since Damien was standing next to him, Thane tossed the football his way.
Damien was the second quietest one in the group. He only talked whenever it was absolutely necessary.
Fumbling when he caught the ball, Damien pulled it to his chest as if clinging to a teddy bear. And there, he gulped miserably.
“How’re you doing today, Damien, my man?” Matt asked, trying to sound encouraging.
Damien bobbed his head once, then mumbled, “I’m fine.”
“Well… Fine’s better than lousy,” Matt allowed before splaying out his hand in welcome. “Pick who’s next.”
Damien glanced around, looking panicked, and everyone else appeared to be as unwilling to receive the ball as I felt. But my mother’s words waffled through me.
Maybe if you tell your story, it’ll prompt the other boys to open up as well. You could help everyone by going first.
Mom wanted me to talk; Damien looked as if he was a split second away from crying; the others didn’t want anything to do with the football now that it wasn’t a game; Matt merely wanted us to participate; and I wanted the misery to stop.
My heartbeat was pounding through my ears, and talking was the last thing I thought I could handle, but I was determined to make everyone happy by ending their suffering. So, biting the bullet, I lifted trembling hands to silently ask for the ball next.
Damien’s eyes flared with relief, and he tossed the doom my way.
I caught it, and my throat went immediately dry.
“Yes! Football Foster,” Matt cheered, delighted that I’d volunteered for a turn. “My boy! How’re you doing today?”
Everything inside me wanted to say that I was fine, just like Damien had. But the hope and worry in my mom’s eyes as she stroked a hand over my hair was stuck solidly in my head. I couldn’t let her down. So I blurted the truth as fast as I could to get it out there and over with.
“I—I’m nervous,” I admitted. “Like really, really worried b-because it’s my sister’s birthday today. She’s turning six. We’re supposed to go eat lunch at Dairy Queen after this. That’s her favorite place ever. She wants one of those ice cream cakes, and she’s super excited. But I just—I can’t stop worrying.”
There. I’d said it. I’d said what had been bothering me since the moment I’d woken this morning with Amy jumping on my bed to announce that it was her big day.
My head felt a little light and woozy from actually announcing it aloud. But strangely, some pressure seemed to be released from my chest.
Exhaling heavily, I glanced around the circle, only to find everyone blinking at me as if I’d just spoken a foreign language.
Even Matt tipped his head in confusion as if trying to figure me out.
“What’re you worried about?” he asked softly, and a heavy load of dread dropped straight into the pit of my abdomen because—crap—none of them knew.
And they didn’t know because I’d nevertoldthem.
But the very idea of telling them now made me feel sick to my stomach. I’d already revealed so much by letting them know how I really felt. Wasn’t that progress enough?
Everyone was still watching me, though, and I couldn’t let them down.Everythingrelied on me opening up and telling my story. I just had to do it already.
“I…” My voice went hoarse, so I paused to wet my mouth and clear my throat. “I’m worried be-because my brother—my brother, Hayes—he died onmybirthday. Birthdays mean death.”
“Oh shit,” Hudson whispered sympathetically beside me. He nudged a fist into my arm to comfort me, and when I glanced at him, that was all the boost I needed.
I turned back to Matt, my dry eyes burning and my heart racing. “It was my ninth birthday, and the only thing I wanted to do that day was go to the beach and swim and build the biggest freaking sandcastle fort ever.”
“Yeah…” Keene bobbed his head in approval over my birthday wishes.
