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Sometimes, it still felt like January to me, though, like I was stuck back in time unable to move forward with the rest of the world.
I was tired of feeling so…adrift.
Something integral was missing now. I knew it was probably Kinsey, but it itched from the center of my chest as if it wanted to break free from my rib cage and just go in search of that missing portion.
The sensation was restless and unsettling, and the more I packed to leave the stronger it grew, as if something inside me was trying to tell me to stop.
I ignored myself, though, because I’d learned that my mind couldn’t necessarily be trusted these days. I still forgot the strangest things; I feared I might never fully be me again.
So I kept packing, moving on to the bedroom, but when I saw how bare the nightstand looked, I paused, squinting at it in confusion.
I always set my books there that I checked out from the library, and I was positive I should have one to take back.
Hell, it was probably overdue by now. That would be just my luck.
I scoured all the rooms, looking for it, but I had no idea where the person who’d cleaned my apartment might’ve put it. So I decided to just walk to campus and tell the library I’d lost their property so I could pay the fees. I was tired of packing, anyway.
But once I reached the first HaveU bench, I was exhausted and had to sit and rest.
I watched students walk past as they went on with their day, many of them wearing the brown and gold school colors and stallions mascot.
It was bizarre to see life continue for everyone else while I felt so stuck. Hating the hopelessness, I stood up to finish my task, not able to handle much more of this.
Except the guy at the checkout counter in the library told me, “Looks like that book was turned in and late fees were paid on January 27th.”
I frowned in confusion, knowing I would’ve been in the hospital then.
“Are you sure?” I asked, and he looked up at me as if I were insane. “Yeah. I’m sure.”
So I sighed and turned to leave, only for a couple of girls who were in my Explorations of Education class to see me as they walked by.
“Oh my God, Raina! Is thatyou?” They crowded around, totally invading my personal space and making me feel suffocated. “I thought you were still in a coma.”
“When did you get out?”
“How are you doing?”
“You totally have to come to this party with us tonight and tell useverything.”
Overwhelmed by the attention, I shook my head and lifted my hands before ducking my face in humiliation and saying, “I—I’m sorry. I have to—I have to go. Talk later, okay?”
I pushed through them and hurried toward the exit, only to hear one of them claim, “Gah, what a freak. Comas must turn you into a total nutjob.”
I was breathing hard, unable to calm down as I hit the doors. The tears that never seemed far away filled my eyes.
Needing to sit, I stumbled toward a nearby bench and somehow managed to collapse onto it as I hugged myself and glanced around, feeling alone and scared.
“Hey, are you okay?” a male voice asked from my left, startling me.
I zipped my gaze that way, but my vision had gone blurry. I could tell he was tall, and his hair was dark and curly. But that was it.
“I can’t—I can’t breathe,” I blurted. “Why can’t I breathe?”
“Do you have asthma?”
“No.”
He sat next to me. “Then, it looks like you’re having an anxiety attack. Here, take my hands. Squeeze down as hard as you need to.”
