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Pressing a hand to my chest, I ignored the tears that slid down my cheeks. “I got her killed because I justhadto meet you so badly. My obsession for someboywas more important to me than my own sister’s life.”
He shook his head and opened his mouth to argue that point, but I kept talking.
“I would’ve doneanythingto get to meet you, but now—now I… Just thinking about you brings me this fresh reminder all over again that I no longer have a sister. Because of my own silly?—”
“No,” the captain insisted, shaking my shoulder briefly. “Pookie, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I answered hollowly, even as my gaze stayed firmly on Foster. “I still can’t?—”
“I get it,” Foster broke in quietly with an accepting nod. Red rings formed around his eyes, and he rasped, “I understand completely. I’m going.”
He started to back away some more, and my heart hurt.
“I’m sorry,” I told him, feeling like crap for kicking him out but also needing him gone more than I needed my next breath.
“No, it’s okay,” he assured with a wave of his hand. Then he sent me a watery smile and whispered, “Take care,” before he turned and hurried away.
A strange loss filled me with his departure. I wanted to be relieved—I didn’t have to deal with him anymore—but it felt too much like I’d just made a huge mistake.
Turning to look up at the captain, I asked, “Did I just mess up?”
“No,” he assured me softly, but his smile was too sympathetic and full of achy regret. “You told him how you felt, and you were more than kind about it. I reckon he really does understand, too. He lost a sibling when he was a kid. He knows how much space you need right now more than anyone.”
But hearing that only made me feel worse. The captain was right; Foster had lost a brother. Maybe all his visits hadn’t just been about guilt. I could’ve been a kindred spirit he could relate to now. And I’d just kicked him out on his ass.
Bursting into renewed tears, I started crying even harder.
31
FOSTER
Vertigo swamped me as I started for the elevator, focusing so hard on the shiny silver doors ahead that they became my entire universe. If I could just get inside them and away from everyone, I could deal with this. I could have a panic attack in peace, and no one would be the wiser.
But my vision darkened at the corners, and a prickling sensation coated my arms and down the backs of my hands. I wasn’t going to make it there before the anxiety hit.
I wasn’t?—
The doors opened, and Oaklynn and Damien stepped out.
They only had to take one look at my face to know something was wrong.
Oaklynn clutched her mouth and gasped, “Oh God. What happened?”
I shook my head robotically, and answered, “Not a good time to see her.” But my attention was entirely on Damien.
Eyes flaring with surprise, he stepped forward and clutched my shoulders, realizing what was happening. “We need to get him out of here,” he said under his breath to Oaklynn. “Now.”
She shook her head, clearly clueless about what was happening. “Why? What?—?”
I pointed, managing to say, “Stairwell.”
Damien glanced toward the door and hooked his hand around my arm, immediately leading me that way.
Relieved he was here, I leaned over to rest against him, trusting him completely to guide me somewhere safe and quiet.
Once we made it to the abandoned stairwell, I dropped the balloon and stuffed animal at my side and gasped for air. Then, I found a wall to press my back against and slid down to sit on the floor.
All the while, my lungs seized and struggled to push air through them.
