Page 135 of The Life Wish


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Ihatedthis.

Hands fisted at my sides, I took a moment to control the overwhelming flood of fury I felt before I looked up. “Again.”

“Pookie,” the captain started hesitantly, shaking his head severely against the idea.

But Chad nodded, smiling at me in approval. “Okay,” he answered. “One more time can’t hurt.”

Determined to let my anger boost me along, I grabbed the walker a little more savagely, and I gritted my teeth as I boosted myself up with more speed and every last bit of strength I had, only to wilt at the very same point I had before.

“Dammit!” I screeched and kicked at the walker as soon as they had me seated again. But it bumped into an orderly who hissed out a pained breath and jumped away.

Guilt swiftly took over the rage.

“Sorry. God, I’m so sorry.” Then I burst into mortified tears. “I can’t do anything right.”

“Okay, she’s had enough,” the captain told everyone else, who agreed immediately.

The moment only my father and I were left in the room, he sat down beside me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

“I hate this. I hate this so much,” I sobbed. “I want to walk again. I want Kinsey back. I want to go home.”

“I know, Pookie Bear. I know.” He kissed my temple, and I leaned my head over to rest on his shoulder. “But we’re going to get through this,” he assured. “Slowly and steadily, we’re going to be just fine again.”

I closed my eyes and nodded, soaking in his familiar aftershave. Glad that I at least still hadhim, I reached out blindly to clutch the front of his shirt, and he covered the back of my hand with his worn, leathery palm.

When I heard shoes on the floor as someone new entered my room, I burrowed closer to the captain, not ready for anyone else right now.

And the captain must’ve known that. He tightened his arm around me and quietly told the visitor. “Not a good time.”

“Okay, sure,” I heard a male voice answer. A voice I’d been infatuated with since the first semester I’d come to Haverick when I’d heard him give an interview over the radio. I still remembered, clear as day, thinking,damn, he had a nice voice to go with that billboard smile of his.

“I’ll come back later.”

But I growled, “No.”

“Raina?” the captain murmured in alarm.

When I opened my eyes to glare at the boy in the doorway, Foster froze and blinked at me. There was a stuffed animal in his hand with a floating balloon attached. He looked so surprised by my command as if I’d kicked an innocent, sweet puppy.

But I just couldn’t.

“I don’t want you to come back.Ever,” I bit out.

As Foster’s face went chalk white, and he sank a step away, my own father shook his head. “Now, let’s not be too hasty,” he told me quietly. “You’re upset right now and?—”

“I know what I’m saying,” I snapped, scowling at him for making me explain myself. He was supposed to be onmyside.

But clearly, the Foster Union daze had claimed him too.

Turning my attention back to the devastated-looking football star, I managed to soften my tone before saying, “I heard about everything you did, especially for my dad, and I appreciate it, but I don’t think I can…” Shaking my head when words failed me, I finished with, “I can’t do this.”

He squinted in confusion, but the captain was the one who said, “Dowhat, sweetheart?”

“I don’t know!” I snapped a little too sharply, and when Foster flinched and took another step back, I said, “Look, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be mean. But I know why you keep coming back here. You feel responsible for what happened, and you’re trying to appease your guilt, but I—Ifeel guilty too. And I can’t handle yours on top of that. I can’t evenlookat you without thinking that Kinsey would still be here if I’d just—if I’d only—God.”

When a sob worked up my throat and took over, pain filled Foster’s face and he stepped forward as if he wanted to comfort me, but I held up my hand, stopping him.

Which worked almost too well. He froze, and his throat worked as he swallowed.

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