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“Please don’t touch that.”
I jump at his voice and bring my hand away. I grip my wrist in case it decides to grow a mind of its own. “I’m sorry.”
Several awkward seconds pass until I start to worry he’ll kick me out. The lining of my throat thickens, and my feet shuffle, but he speaks before I can figure out the words that will allow me to stay.
“Do you want something to drink?”
“Yes, please,” I squeak, keeping my eyes down. I follow him to the kitchen and stand awkwardly while he fills two glasses with water.
The kitchen table catches my eye, but it only has one chair, so I don’t know if I should sit.
One chair.
How confident must a person be in their loneliness to have only one chair?
He hands me my glass and pulls out the chair for me, the legs scraping on the tile. I sit and take a sip of the water so my mouth is busy and I don’t have to speak through my thick throat. The water barely passes.
“So…” Alik leans against his wall on the other side of the table. It feels strange for me to sit while he stands. Like it gives him more power over me, as if he needs it. “What are you so afraid of? I told you, you’re the DEA princess. No one is coming for you.”
I lift my eyes to look at him. “How can you be so certain?”
He’s quiet for a few moments while he stares at me with an intensity that holds my gaze. His red iris shows nothing of what he’s thinking, but everything he says seems to be so well crafted.
“I guess I’m not… But if you’re so worried about it, why come here? Why not go to your father?”
My eyes draw to my glass as I run my finger around the rim.
“No one would touch the Special Agent in Charge. OfthatI am certain. If anyone can protect you, it’s your father.”
“He can’t know what I did.”
“Why not?”
I shake my head instead of answering.
“If you put it on record like I told you to, he’ll know what you did by morning.”
My finger slows its pace tracing the rim, though Alik’s words don’t surprise me. Of course, I already knew that, I just… I don’t know. I’m trying to avoid the inevitable.
Imagining the shame that will sag my dad’s chronically tired face sends a knife to my gut. It butchers me worse than anything the Irish could ever do. Maybe he could protect me from them, but when he finds out my medication isn’t working, when the next incident occurs that he has to cover up… He’ll wish he’d let them kill me. Relieved him of his burden.
“Then maybe it’s best if the Irish just killed me.”
“What?” Alik asks, sounding genuinely confused.
“I’m not welcome there,” I snap like this is something he somehow should’ve known. “I’d rather die than see the shameful look my mom has for me. But I get it. You don’t want me here either, so I’ll go.” I stand but don’t make it a foot toward the door before Alik takes both my shoulders to stop me.
When he turns me around, I stare up at his serious expression.
“Who says I don’t want you here?”
I blink at him but don’t respond. He confuses me. He was so conflicted over letting me in, I could see it all over him, but now, as I’m locked in his arms, he looks like he has no intention of letting me leave.
And I don’t want him to.
He nods to the table. “Sit.”
When his strong hands leave me, he walks to his computer with a smooth gait that reminds me of a predator. He grabs the computer chair then drags it over while I sit down in the wooden chair.
