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“Jordan is my brother’s bandmate’s sister,” I tell her on the way back to the car. “She has a year waiting list, but I’m sure Peter can at least introduce you. She has a fine art background, I think you’d like her.”
“Really?” Ivy’s genuine, radiant smile lights up her entire face.
I nod, unable to speak for a minute. God, I’d do anything to see her look happy every day of my life. “You were amazing in there.”
“Thanks.” She starts the car. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Sure you could have. You’re a natural. Your dad must be incredibly proud.” I clamp my palms on my knees to keep them safe.
Her expression softens, and she nods. “He is. And it means the world to me. I disappointed him so badly.”
Yeah…fuck.
“Has your relationship with your dad improved?” My curiosity gets the better of me. I’ve got to know more.
Her jaw sets and she barely gives me an answer. “Yeah. It seems better. My time away really helped.”
We settle into the drive back to Seattle, but there’s no more playful banter. Somehow, with my comment about her dad, I’ve walked into a land mine. The air suddenly feels tense.Fuck. Maybe I should get everything out there so we can close the door on our past baggage.
“Your birthday is in a couple of days.” I break the silence.
She turns to me, surprised. “You remembered?”
“Ivy. Of course I did. How could I ever forget?” I don’t restrain myself and reach up and touch her cheek.
Her breathing intensifies but she doesn’t say anything.
I remove my hand.
“Your dad and mom are throwing a party. They’ve invited me, my parents, and a few others.” I swallow hard. “Do you think I should come? I don’t want to do anything to make you feel…”
“Cillian, I…” Her hands start to shake as she grips the steering wheel tighter.
“Ivy, please. I regret so much.” I press my fists to my eyes. “For making you feel less than, for doubting what we had. Seeing you now, the woman you’ve become. I wasn’t worthy of your love. Not in the slightest.”
Her eyes shimmer with unshed tears. “Oh, God…you don’t have to—”
“Ido,” I interrupt and proceed to unload it all. “You need to know how impressed I am with you. You’ve handled our breakup with such grace and strength. You spent time doing what you loved. I went to a very dark place. Started drinking too much. It nearly ruined everything. My dad even took over the project for a while because I couldn’t function. I ended up in rehab. I’ve been sober for over a year. Your dad doesn’t know.”
Her eyes widen in shock. “Cillian. Ohmygod. I’m so, so sorry. Are you okay?”
“You have nothing to apologize for.” I shake my head. “The day it ended, I didn’t give you enough respect. You were owning your freedom. Exploring your sexuality. And I made you feel bad about it. Like our beautiful love for each other was wrong. I’m sorry for ruining what was special between us.”
She takes a deep breath, her voice trembling. “It wasn’t your fault. I lied to you. It was wrong. You had every right to—”
“No!” I touch her shoulder. “The image of you standing in front of me… Ivy, it haunts me. I loved you with all my heart and couldn’t handle it. I never deserved you.”
Ivy shakes her head and wipes tears from her eyes with her thumb. “That’s not true. I’m the one who didn’t deserve you.”
A heavy silence settles between us as we process our confessions. She exits the freeway and instead of going back to the site, pulls into a diner parking lot.
“Come to the party.” She caresses my wrist tenderly. “It would be weird if you didn’t show up.”
“Are you sure? I know you never told your parents about us, or I’d have been fired. I’ve never said a word to your dad either. But, there’s this huge secret we have. What if he finds out now?” I place my hand over hers to keep her in place.
“Cillian. Relax. You coming to the party isn’t some big outing.” Ivy disentangles herself from me. “It’s not like we’re getting back together.”
Her words are a knife in my kidney. Of course we’re not. I’m a thirty-five-year-old recovering alcoholic who, until Ivy, was a fuck boy for most of my adult life.
