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“Our father?” I asked her, completely shocked. The disbelief was like a heavy weight pulling me under. I’d tried so hard to protect my little sister from the wrath of our father, to keep her from his clutches, yet she’d still sought him out behind my back.
Olivia nodded, her body stiffening like she was preparing for a blow. “He sent me a card after my high school graduation apologizing for not having been able to stay the whole time. I’ve kept tabs on him since then. He’s still at the address he listed on the envelope.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me?” I asked her, ignoring the way she flinched at the bite in my words. How could she think Iwouldn’tbe angry to hear that she’d known his whereabouts all this time without bothering to tell me until now.
I clutched at my chest as my breathing grew shallow, the betrayal like a knife slipping between my ribs.
“You made it clear you wanted nothing to do with him for years!” My sister fought back. “But that’s whatyouwanted. I can make my own decisions.”
“And you decided that you wanted to have a way to contact that man if you ever wanted to?” I asked incredulously. “After everything he did?”
“You got to leave sooner than I did. You got to sever that relationship while I didn’t. I’ve reconciled his actions in my mind. But it doesn’t seem like you have.”
The fire in Olivia’s eyes made me pause. She’d never stood up to me like this on any other topic before. It made me wonder if I’d been too quick to anger. Only viewing our father through my experience while abandoning any grace toward Olivia and the many more years she’d had with him.
I sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten angry.”
Olivia reached an arm over my shoulder. “It’s okay. Your relationship with Dad is much different than mine. You can be mad at him while I’m not. I’ve already come to terms with his actions and forgiven him. Maybe it’s your turn to do the same.”
I squeezed my sister’s hand again, wanting to convey to her how badly I’d hoped to shield her from the pain I had to endure, but I realized that I’d only made it worse for myself in the process.
The two of us sat in silence, both of us reliving our own moments with our father.
“Have you tried to think about Nolan’s situation from his point of view?” Olivia asked as the two of us sipped on our coffee.
“Of course I have,” I told her. “I told him I’d always support him, but I can’t put myself in a position to go through what our father put me through again.”
Olivia frowned at me. “You don’t give Nolan enough credit. He’s not our dad. He has to make the best decision for himself. He’s facing a scary time in his life, moving into the unknown. But I know he’s nothing like our father because I’ve watched him constantly treat you better than anybody else possibly could. Don’t forget that man threw us a Christmas.”
“Of course, I know what he’s having to do is difficult,” I tried to defend myself.
“It’s only one more year at the most, Lottie. Even if he decided thatwaswhat he wanted to do, he deserves to be given a chance and not be compared to someone who never would have done half of the things for you that Nolan has.”
I hated how logical my little sister sounded because for one moment she was the adult teaching me instead of the other way around.
“Since when did you grow up?” I asked her, wondering when Olivia had changed from the little girl that had been my baby sister into the beautiful woman she was today.
“I’m just following in your footsteps,” she told me with a smile.
“How are you doing?” I asked her, realizing these past few months had been mostly focused on me and I really had no idea what was going on in my sister’s life.
“I’ve been thinking about branching out into something different with my career. I love my job with the Cougars, but it hasn’t been as fulfilling as it once was. I’m not sure what it is I want to do yet. I’m waiting for a sign.” Olivia gave me a smile, a hint of sadness dulling its usual shine. “And being single has just been harder than normal recently. Being around everyone.”
My sister had never shown any desire for finding a serious partner outside of her normal dates that she went on simply for entertainment. My eyes prickled with tears when I realized this might be the moment that Olivia shed the last bits of her youth and she would no longer be the little sister I needed to care for.
“You’ll find somebody that is so enthralled with you—even all of your craziness.” I grabbed Olivia’s cup of coffee and set both hers and mine on my nightstand before I pulled her into my side. “And if you want to try new things in your career, I’ll be the first person to tell you to take the risk. Whatever you want to do, I’m here to support you.”
Olivia wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her head in my hair like she used to do as a little kid. No matter what happened—who we fell in love with, who broke our hearts, or whether our hearts would ever be whole again after suffering a thousand cuts from our father—we would always have each other.
“You deserve love, Liv,” I told her, my lips pressed against her forehead.
“You should listen to your own advice,” Olivia replied softly. “I’m not sure what you have to do—if you have some sort of soul searching you need to do first, or healing. But I can feel it in my heart that you and Nolan aren’t over.”
Olivia lifted her head so she could look me square in the eyes. “You deserve love too, Lottie,” she said more fiercely.
“Thanks, Liv.” I squeezed one more time before I let her go.
Despite the pang of hurt that felt like it might pull my heart in two after learning my father had been this close, but still hadn’t bothered to reach out to us, now that I’d seen him again after all these years, I wondered if I was only setting myself up for more disappointment at even considering going to see him. Butmaybe I needed to go through disappointment once more to close this chapter and move on.
