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“Nowhere. I’m fine.” I flicked my braid back over my shoulder. “Do it again. I’ll get it this time.”
He overpowered me three more times before finally stepping back, hands up. “I think we’re done for the day.”
“What?” I scrambled to my feet. “I’m fine. I can keep going.”
He narrowed his eyes. “You’re obviously distracted. I’m not working with you like this.” He took my hand. In an instant, he transformed from the hard-faced trainer to my gentle lover. “It’s alright, my sun. We can take the night off. You’ve been working hard. You deserve a break.” He brushed his thumb over my cheek.
I sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s been a long day.”
“Anything you want to talk about?”
I started to shake my head but thought better of it. I wanted answers, and of everyone I knew, he was the most likely to have them. “I was called to the Tsarina’s Tower today.”
“Oh?” He leaned against the wall, giving me space. “I’d have thought that was a good thing.”
“It was.” For Sofia the seamstress, it was wonderful. For Mila the spy, it should have been, as well. “I got several new commissions.”
He grinned. “I’m proud of you. But what’s wrong?”
I leaned against the wall next to him. “I don’t know. Some of the noblewomen were talking about the recent battles.” I glanced sideways at him, picking at my sleeve. “They kept talking about some of the men fighting for Borislav. It…set me on edge.”
“Did they mention names?”
“Just one. Well, a title. ‘The Survivor of Barbezht.’ I thought you said everyone from Barbezht had been killed?” I looked up at him, searching his face for the slightest reaction.
He studied me for a moment, likely remembering how I’d responded the day he told me about the slaughter. After a moment, he let out a long breath. “Han Antonovich, the so-called Survivor of Barbezht. Apparently he was already with Borislav before the tsar arrested the remaining survivors.”
The blood drained from my face. Han was alive.
He went on, oblivious to my racing heart. “He’s high in the Grand Duke’s army, which is likely why the tsar couldn’t get to him. Apparently he negotiated an alliance with the Drakra.” He paused. “You look worried, my sun.”
Control. I had to get myself under control. I swallowed. “The war—everything about it worries me.” Not a lie.
He drew me into an embrace. “I’m sorry I haven’t ended it yet.”
I choked on a strained laugh. He’d said something similar before that first battle, when I’d been so afraid for Han. And I’d told him… “I believe you have an inflated sense of self-importance, sir.”
He brushed a kiss to my forehead, and the tender touch soothed the ache in my heart. “Anything to ease your mind.” He picked up my coat and draped it around my shoulders. “Come. You’ve had a busy day. You should rest.”
As we walked back to my quarters, I clung to his arm, needing the contact to ground me. The large workroom was cold anddark, but Alexey soon had a fire roaring. He turned to me, eyes glazed with desire.
“You’re so beautiful.” He pulled me into the bedroom
Tears blurred my vision as he sat on the bed and drew me onto his lap. I didn’t deserve him. All this time, I’d been falling in love with him, and my husband had still been out there. I didn’t deserve either of them.
Alexey wiped the tears from my eyes. “Shh, my sun. I have you. You’re safe.”
“That’s not—I just can’t tonight.”
“Then we won’t.” He rubbed my back. “Whatever you need.”
“Hold me?”
“Always.”
We lay down, and I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. He held me until we both fell asleep.
In the middle of the night, a twinge in my stomach woke me. I sat up, extricated myself from Alexey’s arms, and rubbed my eyes. The pain was familiar, and it came with a sinking feeling. In the dim light of the fire, I reached for the rags I kept nearby and wiped between my legs.
