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A month went by in a blur. Since Lev was keeping the apartment, we only had to pack our personal belongings, and movers came to take away the boxes and suitcases. I didn’t have much to begin with because I still had some things at the old apartment I shared with Brooke. If Lev had known I had keepsakes over there, he might have been upset, but it seemed like a big hassle when I was going to eventually wriggle out of this marriage and make my escape.
He had encouraged me to shop for more clothes, or anything I wanted, but I didn’t want more than I needed to keep up appearances, and every gift he surprised me with only filled me with guilt, which I forced to turn into anger. Was he trying to control me with gifts? Other than packing and the move, I was juggling my internship as Lev’s assistant and classes, and of course, snooping.
I had still turned up nothing useful, and I was beginning to wonder if I should start answering Councilman Hardy’s texts. I’d been diligently ignoring his messages since he first reached out, since I had nothing new to offer. I figured if he came up with something urgent, he’d let me know.
Whenever I had to go to his campaign center or his office with Lev, I kept my head down and was coolly polite, terrified I’d inadvertently give something away and make Lev suspicious.
Now that we were finally moved into the house—it still felt weird to call such an impressive mansion a mere house, but that’s what Lev called it—I only wanted to settle in and concentrate on pulling my grades up, which were once again starting to slip. All I had to do was get through the semester andvowed not to take on such a heavy load for the next one. That is, if I was still working for Lev, anyway.
For all I knew, I’d be free by then, but it didn’t seem likely and I was no longer champing at the bit to be free. Not that I wanted to stay, but I was sick to death of being a double agent, always on the lookout for useful information, always on edge. Not to mention the guilt and confusion that plagued me and the fact it took up what little free time I had to myself.
I hadn’t seen Brooke in ages and only had the shortest conversations I could manage with Katie and Aunt Marjorie. Just enough to keep them thinking everything was fine, nothing was different, but I was just super busy. I missed talking to both of them about every little thing like we used to, but I had to avoid lying or risk getting tripped up. God only knew what would happen if I absently mentioned Lev’s name or gave too many details about the internship that I’d so far barely said two words about.
Katie believed I was still mad at her and wasn’t pushing me, but Aunt Marjorie was clearly hurt every time I hustled her off of a call, promising to call back when things were less hectic but never doing it. Spying was exhausting, and I had nothing to show for it in all this time.
Now that we were settled in, all I wanted to do was concentrate on school in the beautiful new study that Lev had secretly set up for me. It was a cozy corner room with big windows draped in pale blue, raw silk curtains that rustled in the breezes that wafted in from the garden. I had a view of the riot of rose bushes that grew on trellises along the back of the house and had set up a bird bath so I could hear the finches and chickadees chirping away while I studied.
Now, I sank into the plush velvet armchair, put my feet up on the matching ottoman, and cracked open a book in the waning afternoon sunlight. The first week had been buzzing with movers and decorators but finally, there was nothing going on but a splash fight between two bluejays outside the window.
Even with the peaceful surroundings and the lack of bustle going on outside my room, I still couldn’t concentrate, finding myself staring at the watercolor painting on the opposite wall. Was it slightly askew or was I looking for a reason to abandon my chair and give up on the futile effort to study?
No matter how hard I’d been trying the last few days, now that things were more peaceful, all I could think about was this past month with Lev. He had been a perfect husband, like something out of a manual written in a fantasy world. If I had anyone to tell about how sweet, kind, and giving he’d been lately, no one would believe me anyway. Well, maybe Katie would, since Aleks was apparently a model specimen himself, but she was the last person I could brag to.
And why did I want to brag to anyone about Lev? Shouldn’t I want to cling to my anger at being tricked into marrying him? I was just too worn out to do that, and could barely conjure up any negatives to even half-heartedly get upset with him.
Sure, he was sometimes a little bossy, especially when I was posing as his assistant in public. But that was sort of sexy, and when he got really bossy, it was kind of fun. Really fun, especially whenever we found a secluded spot to ourselves.
I was off the Lev diet in a big way. It had been nothing but binging for the last month. It was easy to tell myself I’d give in just one time, because it was a great way to forget about my troubles. Common sense told me that every time I got close tohim, and let him get so close to me, I was creating more trouble. But common sense held no power when Lev’s hands were running down my sides, and he got that ravenous, feral gleam in his eyes.
Apparently, I was a bit of an exhibitionist because it didn’t matter where we were when he got that look. Private elevator in his office building? Check. Restroom at his favorite restaurant? Yes, please. Up against the plate glass windows in his office at the lobbying firm? That one was impossible to resist, and impossible to stay quiet. I’d had to leave with my head down, cheeks burning, Lev laughing his ass off behind me.
Only to get started again in the car once we were in the parking garage. It was like I was as consumed with him as he was with me, but when he left me alone, I was once again overcome with worry, guilt, and doubt. I hardly recognized myself. It was time to start exercising self control again.
It was also time to hunker down and study for my math exam that was coming up. It was one of the required classes, and I hated it, so I couldn't wait to put it behind me. At the moment, I was almost ready to take the lowest passing grade to get it over with, but a part of me still burned to get a good score.
Still staring at the watercolor, I wondered if that need to excel was really in my personality or something I did to make Katie proud. She had worked so hard for me ever since our parents died. It was like she gave up any notion of having her own life and concentrated on making sure I had the best one possible. She had done everything she could to shield me from the harsh reality we were suddenly faced with after we’d grown up surrounded by wealth.
The truth was, I barely remembered those days on Easy Street. The private school we went to had been easier to dealwith because I hadn’t been bullied. My grades were okay, and my parents were fine with me being an average student, but I had just kind of drifted along.
Once the rug got pulled out from under us, I would have been happy to get a part-time job to help out and not worry so much about scholarships and achievements that Katie deemed important for me. I loved the idea of being in politics, changing things for the better, and helping people. The classes that pertained to my major were fascinating to me, and I always did well in them, but the more I learned about the inner workings of that world through Lev, I wondered if I wouldn’t have a better shot of making a difference by doing something in the private sector.
Changing my major was just another stress point, so all I could do was knuckle down for now.
I checked the time and my messages, frowning when there was nothing from Lev. He’d left at five that morning, harried about something he said he didn’t have time to tell me about. I barely woke up in time to see him racing out, and all he would tell me was not to worry.
As if I wouldn’t worry now that it was past lunch time and still no peep out of him. I had skipped my morning class, since I would have been unable to concentrate and had been doing little more than stare at the walls since then, alternating between daydreams and anxiety the later it got without any word.
I had already left him several unanswered messages, and I wondered if I should call someone. But who? Certainly not the police.
My phone rang, and I jumped, flipping it around to see that it was only Katie. I ignored it, but she called again, sendinga text message telling me it was important. Could Lev have flown down to LA this morning?
Don’t mention him,I admonished myself, and answered.
“I just needed to talk to someone who wouldn’t tell me not to worry,” she said. “It’s so patronizing.”
“I’m sure they’re just concerned about you and the baby,” I said.Don’t mention Lev.I couldn’t tell her I was also worried, so asked for pregnancy news. For once, she wasn’t eager to share every kick, and I finally asked what she was so worked up about.
Please don’t let it be about Lev.
