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You’re a professional. Couldn’t let that happen.Keep it professional.
I wondered if the nun’s vow of celibacy was contagious. If it was, I might be sensitive to it, but my dick was immune. Missy, me, and the honeymoon suite. How the hell had I gotten into this shitshow?
I grabbed a pillow, padded out to the deck, and commiserating with the stars, lay down in the hammock.
Chapter Sixteen
Missy
I opened my eyes and felt rested for the first time in a long while. No dreams and no nightmares. What a relief. The sheets rustled softly against my clean skin, and hanging new on a stunning blue sky, the sun smiled down on me.
It was amazing what the cloud forest’s serenade and a good night’s sleep could do for a gal’s mental clarity. For the first time in a long time, a new vision of myself began to evolve. I hadn’t been totally useless lately. We’d fought against the mercs, and sure, I’d fainted—still embarrassing as heck—but it had happenedafterthe fight. I’d survived a hellish ordeal. I’d also made my stand and faced off with Javier last night.
It hadn’t turned out the way I wanted it, but I’d learned from the confrontation. Not only did I not want to be my weak, pathetic, helpless self anymore, but for the first time in my life, I had expectations for and of myself. I wanted to live my life in a different way.
A ray of sunlight pierced through the netting and beamed on the empty side of my bed. Javier was nowhere to be seen. I wasn’t surprised. He’d been so freaking mad at me yesterday. I sighed, pushed up from the bed, and tucking the netting aside, padded quietly to the doors.
A look outside revealed the man missing from my bed. He laid in one of the hammocks outside. He must’ve gotten in quite late. He looked like he was out for the count. Since he chose to sleep outside, he must’ve made a deliberate decision not to share the bed with me.
I got that I was his mission and he wanted to keep it professional, but I was pretty sure he was lying about not wanting me, maybe even to himself. His body’s reactions were atestament to his denial, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t want to sleep with me. This was all I needed to know.
As Affie would say, there were other fishes in the sea. It was time to step out of my comfort zone and find what I wanted for myself.
I moved on to the spa bathroom. The single, cracked mirror at the orphanage had been no bigger than the size of my hand. It’d hung on a dark bathroom wall. The mirror I faced now was enormous, and the skylights enhanced the fantastic lighting in the ensuite. Bathed by so much light, a plain, red-haired, oval-faced woman stared back at me. She had zero pizzazz, no curves, small boobs, and a pale complexion that had remained so thanks to the nun’s insistence I wear sunscreen and big hats.
I looked young, unsexy, and not very appealing.
Honestly, there had never been much to me. I didn’t have Thena’s stunning features, pearl-gray eyes, and regal bearing; or Cece’s incandescent blue eyes, diamond-shaped face, and fierce intelligence; or Affie’s amazing curves, hilarious sense of humor, and enormous sex appeal. I was just me, plain vanilla with my thick, straight hair serving as the red cherry on top.
Considering I’d been living the stoic life for a long time, and remembering how close we’d come to dying in Nicaragua, I made more resolutions on the spot. If I had to be stuck in a tropical paradise, even if it was only for a day or two, I was going to use this time to transition from my old life to my new one.
A new life required a new me. What this meant, I wasn’t sure yet, but I was willing to explore it. One thing I knew, I didn’t want to be Mousy Missy or Prissy Missy anymore. I didn’t want to faint every time I got scared. I didn’t want to be plain vanilla, either.
“That’s going to take some work from you.” I pointed at the woman in the mirror. “Vagus nerve, you’ve been warned.”
Marching out of the room, I used my new identity andcredit card to download several eBooks to Kai’s eReader on the subject of fainting. I’d done this before while in nursing school, but this time around, I was determined to research hands-on ways of dealing with my sensitive nervous system and practice until I got results.
For as long as we had to be here, I was going to seize the day, expand my horizons, try new things, and define my new self while enjoying laVida Purato the max. And here in Costa Rica, enveloped in luxury and nature, there was a lot to enjoy, although Javier was now officially off the menu.
I refused to let Javier’s rejection ruin the first day of the rest of my new life.
A new life required a new attitude and a new look. I padded back to the bathroom, took a shower, and groomed myself from top to bottom. It took some time. I hadn’t used a razor in years. Thena would’ve suggested a Brazilian wax job. Cece would’ve argued for the latest lasers. Affie would’ve chided me for not going totally bare like she did years ago. In the end, I compromised, leaving a small, trimmed rectangle over my pubis.
After rummaging through the shopping bag that had been delivered last night from the hotel’s boutique, I dressed in a pair of navy shorts and an ivory tank top. The clothes fit a little loosely, but close enough. A pair of flip-flops completed my ensemble.
I brushed my hair and decided it needed an update as well. After grabbing a pair of scissors from the kitchenette, I gave myself a French fringe.Hmm. I contemplated the results in the mirror.Not bad. I liked the way the bangs framed my face. The rest of my hair I put up in a ponytail.
The racket of the birds and monkeys outside helped me sneak out of the cabin while Javier slept. The moment I stepped out, I was greeted by Pedro, my babysitter for the day. Heseemed like a nice man and wasn’t overbearing like Javier. We negotiated a fair agreement. If he gave me some space, he could watch over me from a safe distance. He followed me wherever I went, but he didn’t cramp my space.
I found the breakfast buffet in the open-air restaurant down by the lake. I’d always hated eating alone in public places, but given my new and improved attitude, I piled up my plate, sat down at a table by myself, and began to stuff myself silly. As I ate, I read a book calledTaming your Vagus Nerve, and practiced some suggested basics, mostly grounding and breathing techniques.
Breathe in, breathe out. Work your diaphragm. Find the calm within. Connect with what brings you peace.
I was deep into my book and enjoying my meal when I registered the two cute guys that ambled my way. The dining room was crowded at this hour. My table could sit four, but only my seat was occupied. My first reaction was a shyness attack.
Oh, no, don’t come my way, please.
Even as I glued my eyes to my eReader and wished them away, the men came to a stop before my table. They asked if they could sit with me.
