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Fuck. I scrubbed my face. In my anger, I’d forgotten the essence of who Thena was. In the end, after all that giving, no one had given back to her. She’d ended up fighting someone else’s battles all alone, deserted by those she loved the most—Nix, her sisters, and me. I wanted to roar at the injustice of that, but I had no right to be angry when I’d been part of the problem and not the solution.
“You should’ve told your sisters about your promise to your mom,” I offered quietly.You should’ve told me.“Yoursisters had a right to know.”
“Maybe.” She pinched her lips distractedly. “A part of me wanted to tell them. I wanted to keep us together no matter what, but my wish was selfish. They deserved better. My father would’ve destroyed their lives, dreams, and aspirations.”
“Like he did yours.”
She straightened her back. “I didn’t want that for them.”
“You spared your sisters the pain you took on all by yourself.” How had I not seen, sensed all of this?
A lifetime of adoration to one woman, and yet I’d missed the fundamentals of her existence. It was a testament to how blind, selfish, and self-centered I’d been, focusing on my life, my career, and my problems. I’d loved Thena, but I had not seen her for who she was. I’d accepted everything she had to give without a second thought. In trying to reconcile the needs of those around her, she’d changed herself to take on many roles, including the soul-sucking job of being her father’s caretaker. In doing so, she’d come close to destroying herself.
The most painful epiphany of my life struck me. For Thena, whose goal in life was to care for and love others, being alone and unloved had to be the worse punishment of them all. She’d been living in hell and I, in my pain, had abandoned her to her self-incineration.
“I wanted my sisters to be happy.” The tears swelling her eyes confirmed everything I’d just figured out. “They deserve to be happy, like I wanted you to be happy, too.”
I should’ve known this all along.
“But I didn’t anticipate everything that happened,” she confessed. “My sisters broke all contact. I never heard from them again. And before that, you…”
Her voice died. She didn’t finish her sentence. She didn’t need to. I had accused her of giving up on us, but my wounded pride had driven me to walk away from her, abandoning herwhen she was vulnerable and grieving Nix. All this time I thought she had wronged me, when it was I who’d betrayed her.
“It’s hard to swallow.” She cleared a sob from her throat. “I mean, Cece and I, we were best friends. Affie was the joy of my life, and my sweet Missy, she was the light of my soul.”
“I remember.” The sisters had adored each other. They’d all looked up to Thena for guidance, support, and that generous brand of caring that had been at the root of her person.
“I really thought that, in time, they’d let me know where they were.” She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “I was wrong. My father moved heaven and earth to find them. I understood that, to remain free, they had to break contact, but once I realized they’d disappeared for good, I felt broken, deserted.”
By themandby me, she didn’t say.
“You didn’t look for them, did you?” I asked quietly.
“No,” she admitted. “They deserved to be free. But father did, spent millions for nothing. Unlike me, my sisters outsmarted my father. I’m proud of them. Unless…”
“Unless what?”
“Unless they’re dead.” Her voice trembled. “Sometimes, late at night, I wonder if they died in some sort of an accident, or if they got killed and no one knows about it—”
A sob ended her sentence.
“You can’t think like that.” I slid closer then stopped, afraid to break the spell that had her confiding in me.
“I know, and I understand disappearing was exactly what they wanted to do.” Clasping her hands on her lap, she took a moment to compose herself. “When I get a hold of my anxiety, I know, in my heart, that they’re alive. If they were no longer on this planet, my heart would feel the loss and die.” She flashed me a teary-eyed, brave but crooked smile. “Since my heart is still beating, they must be alive and thriving.”
“I’m gonna second that.” I hoped I was right. “Do you ever wonder if perhaps you should’ve gone with them?”
“I think my mother was right.” Her thin shoulders pushed up. “Somebody had to take care of my father. That somebody was me.”
Thena, goddess of war and wisdom, committed, devoted, devastatingly loyal Thena. Adoring sister, loving soul, jealous lover, protective of her family, she’d been dealt too many cruel blows—a mother gone too young, an oath too big to bear, a greedy bastard for a father, a brother killed in war, the loss of her sisters, and the desertion of the dense blockhead who professed to love her.
What a terrible job I’d done at loving and protecting her even when that’s all I’d ever wanted to do, be. I’d contributed to her pain in great proportion, and now I would contribute to her happiness, so help me God.
“I’ve made such a mess of things.” She sighed. “Nix is dead. My sisters are gone and in danger of being murdered. My father was killed under my nose. My family is destroyed. I’ve failed my mother, you, and myself.” She glanced at me, giving me a glimpse of more tears pooling in her eyes. “That’s my story. It’s no excuse, but I hope you can believe me when I say that I’m truly sorry.”
The seconds ticked by while I tried to muster my voice. She’d spoken her piece, and it was so different from what I’d expected. No lies. No recriminations. No excuses. An impossible promise and her pain, which burned in the pit of my stomach as if I’d swallowed a red-hot iron. How could I ever make it up to her?
“You are an amazing person, Athena Astor,” I finally managed. “You’re strong, resilient, and loyal. I wish I would’ve understood the burden you carried earlier.”
