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Huh.
She was fine with a question about her love life, but she didn’t want to talk about her parents.
There was a story there. And not a happy one, if he was reading her body language correctly.
But that was a subject for another day.
“Sorry. I’ll stay on topic. Clair was a lovely person, and Ienjoyed our dates, but it wouldn’t have worked between us long term. We were too different.”
“If you knew that, why did you encourage her to go whitewater rafting? Surely you knew after months of dating that those kinds of activities weren’t her thing.”
“Yeah, I did. And I wish I had a good answer to your question.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “By that point, I was beginning to wonder if we had enough in common to sustain a relationship. But I liked Clair a lot. I guess I hoped that if she was exposed to more adventurous activities, she might enjoy them. That if we could find more common interests, there might be a future for us. But in hindsight I realize that was a mistake. When I talked to her parents at the funeral, I took full blame for what happened. I would have told you that too, but in the crush of people at the service, we never connected.”
A muscle beside Lindsey’s eye twitched, and she turned toward the window that offered a view of the gray urban landscape on this cold day. “I wasn’t there.”
It took a few seconds for her hoarse comment to register. Once it did, he had no idea how to respond.
She turned back to him. “Did you know I was supposed to go to that dude ranch with her?”
He searched his memory. Came up blank. “She may have mentioned it in passing, but if she did, it didn’t register.”
“Well, I was. We’d signed up for it months before. I was excited about the horseback riding and hiking and learning how to fly fish. She was looking forward to reading by the infinity pool, the gourmet meals, and the spa.”
“Why didn’t you go?”
“I’d been saving up for an intensive five-week Le Cordon Bleu seminar in Paris. The session I wanted to take wasn’t offered that often. Not long after Clair and I booked our trip, I found out the course was being held in a few months—and itoverlapped with our trip. Clair encouraged me to go, said we could change our plans, but we would have lost a lot of money. So I talked her into going alone.” Distress etched her features. “I shouldn’t have bailed on her. If I’d been there, I would have tried to convince her to skip the rafting rather than push herself beyond her comfort level—or I’d have gone with her.”
Jack exhaled.
It appeared he wasn’t the only one with regrets.
Hers, however, were far less deserved than his.
“I think your guilt is misplaced. I’m the one who suggested she give whitewater rafting a try. And I’m guessing that if she cared about me as much as you say, she may have done it to please me.”
“That’s my take too. But me backing out of our trip was also a factor.”
He swirled the dregs of his tea, a few fugitive leaves clinging to the side of the cup. “What-iffing and second-guessing doesn’t change anything. But for whatever it’s worth, I’m sorry I ever mentioned it to Clair.”
“I’m sorry you did too. It’s better to accept people as they are than try to change them.”
The sudden hurt deep in her eyes suggested that comment wasn’t just about Clair. That there was a personal component to it.
What was Lindsey’s story?
Not a subject he could broach today, with the clock winding down on his allotted ten minutes.
“I agree. And for the record, that was out of pattern for me. If I had it to do again, I wouldn’t encourage Clair to go rafting. I’m sorrier than I can say for the loss of your friend, and I understand why you’d hold that against me. But I hope at some point you can forgive me for my mistake.”
She searched his face, then dipped her chin and pulled out her keys. “Thank you for sharing all that with me.”
No offer of forgiveness—but that would have been too much to hope for while she was still digesting his confession.
“Since we may need to have more conversations, I thought it would be better to address the issue. Try to clear the air between us.”
“I appreciate that.” She stood, and he rose too. “I’ll talk to Dr. Oliver and see what he thinks about the memory that surfaced. If I have anything worthwhile to report, I’ll text you.”
“Thanks. I’ll walk you out.”
