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Then she says, “I came tonight because I missed you two. When I was younger, my mom had this boyfriend and I got really attached, you know? He’d watchGossip Girlwith me, can you even imagine? I thought he’d be there forever.” She shakes her head. “He wasn’t. One day, he was just gone. I didn’t know what happened. My mom didn’t want to talk about it. I thought it was my fault. I mean, I know now it wasn’t, that it was just two people who dated for a few years who broke up and didn’t really think about me and howI’dfeel. But he could have at least said goodbye.”
She glances at me. I’m trying very hard not to cry about my dad.
“Anyway, I know you aren’t attached to me, but I am, kind of, to you. And to Ricci. This is all just to say, if you ever need anything, I am here.”
I look over at her.
“Thanks,” I say simply.
“I’ll go back after I drop you at your mom’s and hang out for a bit with Ricci. Maybe do some of that laundry.”
“I think you should let Dad take care of the laundry,” I say. “For once.”
She laughs.
—
I unlock the door to the house, waving to Vanessa as I go in, and my mom looks up from the couch, surprised. I think she must have been asleep. Bart Bingleheimer barks at me and wags his tail from one end of Laurel’s velvet couch.
“Bella? Where’s Ricci? What’s wrong? What happened?”
I sit next to her.
I have to think really carefully about what to say to my mom, because it’s scary. I don’t know how she’s going to react, but I have to be honest.
“I can’t go back to Dad’s house, Mom.” I rub the knees of my jeans. “He was drinking beer, and when I told him I couldn’t be around that, he…well, he didn’t care.”
My eyes well up, realizing the full weight of what I just said. What my dad did. What it feels like he chose, instead of me.
“Oh my god,” she says, She pats around the couch for her phone, shaking her head. “I just…I can’t even…”
“Mom,” I say sharply. “Please do not call him right this second and start a fight. Just listen to me.”
She looks at me.
“Vanessa drove me home,” I continue. “She’s going to go back and hang out for a little bit with Ricci. She’s nice, Mom.”
My mom nods. “Okay. All right. That’s…fine.”
“And I need you to do something for me.” My voice breaks a little bit. “I need you to tell him that I’m not coming back, not until I can be sure he won’t have alcohol there and won’t have been drinking somewhere else. I need you to do that for me because you’re my mom, and you should stand up for me with him. Because I’m afraid to tell him. He thinks I’m on a walk right now. I just kind of left.”
My mom’s mouth trembles. “I will do that for you, Bella. My girl. I’m so sorry. I’ll call him, right now.”
She gets up. Bart Bingleheimer hops off Laurel’s couch and jumps up next to me.
My mom turns around.
“Bella?”
“What?” I say, scrubbing Bart’s one ear. The place where his other ear was is just a nub. I wonder how he lost it, who he was with before us.
“I’ll let your dad know, but at some point, you need to learn to tell him these things yourself. When you feel ready.”
—
I’m in bed. My mother is asleep in her room. Bart is snuffling atthe end of my bed. It’s comforting, his gentle snores.
I can’t sleep. I tried doing push-ups and sit-ups to tire myself out, but it didn’t work.
