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I sent Hunter and Jamie a text before we left Isle North earlier, arranging to get a drink at O’Malley’s later. It will be good to catch up with both of them. Angela and I have only been gone for about five days, but it feels like a lifetime. Probably because we’ve come a long way towards mending things between us.
Five days ago I couldn’t imagine a time where she’d be comfortable enough with me to let me taste her pussy like I did last night, or to make her come over and over again. An image from last night, of Angela writhing beneath me with my cum coating her fills my head, and my cock springs to life in my pants.
“Fuck,” I whisper.
It took all the strength of will I possess to deny Angela this morning—to deny myself the chance to slide my cock in between her perfect lips. But for the moment, I want things to be about Angela, not me. Angela and I have come a long way in the last five days, but I still left her all those years ago. I violated her trust, and I’m not sure I’ve earned it back yet, or if I even deserve it.
I take a deep breath and turn away from the water and face Angela. I find that she’s already looking at me, a pensive, almost concerned look on her face.
“Everything alright?” I ask.
“I’m just thinking about last night,” she says. “And what it means.”
Fear lances through my heart, stopping me cold.
“Angela, all I wanted was?—
“About what I think it means tome,” she clarifies.
“Oh.” I pause and don’t say anything else for a beat or two. “I asked you to give me this time here on Isle North to try and make it up to you.” My chest heaves with breaths coming rapidly now, and I recognize that what I’m experiencing is acute anxiety.Because I’m inches away from it—from asking her if it worked. If she forgives me. “How am I doing, Angel?” I manage to say, though I can tell that the grin I force is more manic than happy.
“You’re doing well,” she says, turning to face the water. Her hair is tucked into a low bun at the base of her neck, but a few curls are flying free.
“Do you forgive me?” I ask, unable to stop myself. I need to know where we stand. And we both deserve a bit of clarity after the last few days of muddling our way through not quite being friends, to all that last night was.
She turns to me once more and looks up at me, her eyes as bottomless and blue as the ocean around us. I feel myself tugged under by her stare, and then torn apart by what she says next.
“I’m not sure,” she says. “I’m not sure if I forgive you. I’m not trying to be evasive. I just…I just don’t know. How I feel about it all.”
“I know how I feel,” I say quietly. My heart is thundering and my hands are shaking at my side, but I know that I owe Angela some vulnerability. I can tell that it’s now or never—I need to make it clear what my intentions are. “You’ll have me until the end, Angel. You and me. I’ll never stop wanting it. I promise. Because,” I pause and take a deep breath before continuing. “Because you’re the chink in my armor.” The words are rough, and not as articulate as I normally am, but from the way her eyes light up, just for a moment, I know I’ve said the right thing.
“I want to believe you, Carter,” she says, and then rubs a spot on her chest, right over her heart, like she’s in physical pain. “But I just, I just?—
“What is it?” I ask, trying to keep my voice calm and not betray the anxiety pounding through me.
“After you left, I…I tried to move on. But I didn’t know what it was to be hurt like that. To be abandoned.”
Abandoned. The word spirals through me, because that’s exactly what I did to her.
“I dated other people and every time I met someone new, I’d give it my all. I’d put all my hope into it, yet I’d still expect it to crash and burn. I’d spend the entire time just waiting for them to leave. And they always did. I can’t make anyone stay, and I’m tired of it.” She chokes out a sob on this last part, and buries her head in her hands.
And I can’t take it, seeing my girl broken like this. I pull her into me and let her sob into my chest, as I stroke her back, and whisper to her that I’m not going anywhere, that I’m here for good, that she doesn’t need to worry about me leaving again.
But I realize that my promises must feel empty to her, the words hollow and meaningless. I might not be leaving, but Angela clearly doesn’t believe that, and I have no idea how to change her mind.
We get backto Harborview by noon, and Archie drops us off at the town marina. Angela gives him a hug that surprises him, but I can tell he’s also pleased. And blushing a bit. She makes him promise he’ll come to Harborview over the summer, and I make vague plans with him to go bird watching again sometime.
Jamie picks us up from the marina, and drives Angela home first, heading down the winding country roads to the small house she’s rented on the outskirts of town. It’s a clapboard siding ranch style house, with a small deck and Adirondack chairs out front.
“Thanks for the ride, Jamie,” she says as she gathers her things and gets out of the car. “Carter, I guess I’ll, um, see you around?”
“You will,” I tell her confidently, deciding that pretending like everything is fine and going swimmingly is a better strategy than showing her how sad what she told me on the boat was.
“Okay,” she squeaks, and then hurries out of the car and up to her house. She opens the front door and I catch one last flash of blonde hair before she’s inside.
Jamie heads in the direction of my house, across town and into North Woods, and stays silent for a few minutes, though I can tell he’s burning with questions. His stupidly handsome face has this pinched look on it, which means he’s trying to reserve his judgment and failing.
“Are you really going to make me ask, man?” he says.
