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I slowly clap, and even let out a small whistle.
“Stop,” she says.
“Why? He clearly deserved that.”
“Because I may have just lost my job,” she mutters.
“I doubt it. Even Tony is probably smart enough to figure out that firing you would be a horrible decision. You’re the only person on the team who puts in extra effort.”
“Then why did he just tell me he was going to ask senior management to review my contract if I kept this up?” Her blue eyes are wide with anxiety now, at odds with the chilly, confident presence she presented on the phone. Angela’s exterior is tough because she is protecting a sensitive soul underneath. Not that I’m ever going to tell her that. I’ll let her be as tough as she needs to be.
“Because he’s trying to control you. He wants to scare you, so he’s making empty threats. But he won’t follow through on them.”
“Huh,” she says. “That makes a lot of sense. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.”
I pause, and think for a moment about how I want to say this. About how much of my feelings for her I want to reveal.
“It’s because you have a brave, honest heart, Angel,” I finally say. “You would never treat someone like that. You mean what you say and stand by it. So you expect others to as well.” Angela watches me closely, yet hesitantly. Like she’s not sure where I’m going with this. “Ever since I realized that, years ago, I’ve tried to be more like you.” I take a deep breath. “To be worthy of you.”
My heart pounds as I say the last few words, and I fight the urge to tack on “and of being your friend” to the end, to protect myself and how I feel. But I’m trying to be brave with myfeelings, and I have to practice talking about them in order to do that.
“Carter,” Angela says gently. “I’m not brave. Not even a little bit. I’ve let things in my past keep me from being in the present for a long time. That’s not brave at all.”
I’m smart enough to read between the lines. I know that she’s talking about what happened between us, and I hate that I’m the person who did this to her. Who made her feel like this.
“You are brave, Angela. I promise,” I say, rather than asking her to say anything else. The look on her face is so fragile and trusting, and I don’t want to push her. She’ll tell me more when she’s ready. “Should we go eat?”
She nods, and I hold my hand out to her. She places her hand in mine and together we walk through the doors of Shaky Jane’s.
We’re seated by the same taciturn woman we met the other day, and the same teenage waitress takes our orders. A few locals say hi to us, including Margery and Mitchell, who are seated next to one another in a booth. The close-knit feeling of it all makes me miss Harborview.
“Going back home will be nice,” I say to Angela.
“It will be,” she says. “And not only because I want to get back to work. I miss my moms. And Cat.”
“Don’t tell Hunter or Jamie this, but I actually do miss them,” I say.
“And I miss Jack’s coffee. And the diner. And the way Cat’s bookstore looks at night, with all the twinkly lights wrapped around the books.”
“I miss the lighthouse,” I tell her. “A few times a week when I’m home, I walk down the beach and around it. I wanted to be a lighthouse keeper for a few months when I was a kid. Before I realized I liked science.”
“That’s cute,” she says. “You’d make a good hermit. Sounds like you already have the celibate thing going on.” She smirks asshe says this, and I know she’s thinking about what I admitted to her the other day about not sleeping with anyone.
“What can I say, no one measures up to you, Angel,” I say honestly. “I don’t want anyone else.” I wink, trying to make that statement seem lighthearted, but it still lands heavily between us: my longing, her indecision, our past, my mistakes.
Luckily, we’re saved from acknowledging it by Archie, who heads towards our table from the kitchens.
“Just sold Jane ten of the lobsters we caught today,” he says to us.
“I feel bad eating them now,” Angela says.
“Don’t. They’re delicious.” Archie laughs as he says this, and I get the sense it’s not something he does very often.
“Sit with us?” I ask him, partly because I’m afraid that if I’m left alone with Angela much longer I’ll make another desperate confession to her.
Archies nods and sits down next to Angela. We get to talking about Harborview, and he explains that his Agnes had family in the area. Her younger sister moved there and married, and had a few kids. Archie hasn’t seen them for a while now, since she died.
“You should come visit us,” Angela says. “We’d love to see you again, and I’m sure your niece and nephew would be happy about it, too. What are their names?”
