AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“It means that they never had to try very hard. They never had to ask me how I was feeling because I was always feeling great. They never asked me how school was because I was always doing well. And they just talk about themselves, and my sister, anyways. I decided I didn’t want to be like that, talking about myself all the time.”
My heart sinks, as I imagine a ten-year-old Carter coming home with a hundred on a test and a gold star, with no one to show it to, just to hear his parents talk about his sister. No wonder he’s not open about his feelings.
“They didn’t even ask me about college applications. They just gave me the credit card to pay all the application fees and my mom told me to tell them when I got accepted. They didn’t even know that I applied to Harvard and got rejected.”
“You’re too good for Harvard anyway, Steel,” I say.
“Damn straight.”
I look over at him, finally, and see that the expression on his face is one of genuine happiness. I look away just as quickly, both because I don’t want him to feel like I’m staring at himwhile he opens up and because I’m wary of what it means—that talking to me has lightened his mood.
“What happened when you talked to your mom earlier?” I ask.
“I told her we were stranded here, and she didn’t care. At all. It’s not like we’re really stuck or anything, but?—
“We could have died in that storm,” I say quietly. “If you hadn’t known where that cabin was, we could have died. Maybe not immediately, and maybe we would have survived. But we would have been cold, and we could have slipped on the ice and fallen and…” I trail off, unwilling to imagine all of the potential horrors any further. “You really saved us, Carter.”
“Thank you.” He sounds solemn, almost earnest, and when I sneak another glance at him, I decide this is my favorite version of Carter: his deep set eyes shadowed in thought, his mouth a firm, determined line across his face. He’s unshakable.
“And your mom should care more. About the fact that we’re okay,” I say, because really, it’s not that she doesn’t care that we’re stranded, it’s that she wasn’t relieved to hear from him after three days. It’s that she wasn’t worried when she saw the storm on the news.
“She doesn’t even know what my research is about,” he says. “All that money they poured into my education, and they don’t even really care about it. They’d be just as content if I never went to college, as long as I was happy enough with my life not to bother them with it.”
“That’s not true,” I say fiercely.
“It is, though,” he says, and turns his head towards me. “You know I’m right.”
I meet his eyes and see all his emotional intelligence and shrewdness shining in them. He’s rarely wrong about how anyone feels, and I don’t want to condescend and tell him that he’s somehow mistaken about his own parents.
“Maybe you are right,” I say instead. “But does it have to be that way forever?”
“No,” he sighs. “I guess not.”
“You’re not,” I start to say, then pause. “You’re not an easy person to get to know, are you? Not in a deep way, I mean.”
He doesn’t say anything, just stares straight past me at the muted television program playing.
“Oh. Carter, I didn’t mean that in a bad way. I meant that you keep…” I trail off and flounder a bit. “I meant that you keep the most important pieces of yourself hidden except to those who choose to look.”
“Thanks for saying that, Angel. But you’re right,” he says. “I am difficult to get to know. And part of that is because I haven’t had much practice letting people in, and talking about myself feels strange. But part of it is because I like control. I like knowing exactly how I feel about something and not needing to share it with anyone.”
“That makes sense,” I say, trying to hide that I’m gobbling up every word he says.
Because this is the most Carter has ever shared with me about himself—about why he is the way that he is. And maybe demystifying the man ought to make me less fixated on him, but it doesn’t. I’m only more intrigued.
“What about you?” he asks.
“What about me?”
“You’re not easy to get to know either.”
I snort. “Yes I am. Ask any of my friends.”
“Okay, yes, Cat knows you. But how long did that take?”
“A few years,” I admit. “But I don’t think she ever really noticed, or cared. She’s relentless in her optimism.”
“Maybe you’re easier to get to know than I am,” he continues. “But you are private.”
