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My mouth went dry at the thought of Destiny trying to defend herself and failing. At the thought of her curling into a tight ball so he couldn’t hurt her. All that and not succeeding because the bastard who was supposed to love her was bigger, stronger, and violent.
“I looked up to him, Al,” I groaned. “I thought he was one of the greatest men alive. The greatest drummer alive. How could I think that?”
She shrugged. “He fooled a lot of people, love. Most of the world, in fact. No one had a clue what sort of person he was. He and Destiny hid it from everyone. His bandmates hid it from everyone.”
My stomach bottomed out and I felt like my heart had exploded. The idea of them letting him get away with it made my hands tremble with the need to punch someone or something. “They knew?” I blinked slowly as I tried to catch my breath. “They fucking knew and did nothing?”
“According to Destiny.” She cupped my cheek, her thumb rubbing gently against my stubble. “So, you see, sweetheart, there are plenty of people who deserve to feel guilty. Probably not me and you because we would have done anything to help her. We wouldn’t have stood to one side and let him get away with it.”
“He took so much from her, though.” My head felt as heavy as my heart and dropped down between my hunched shoulders. “She’ll never have kids because of him.”
Ali let out a shaky breath. “I know, sweetheart, I know.”
“So, what do I do?” I asked, turning my head to look at her. “How do I show her that I’m nothing like Vinny?”
“She’s been hurt more than we can ever know, Joey,” Ali said softly. “Not just physically. You’ve got to understand that getting her to trust you is going to be hard. Sex and friendship is one thing. We can all have those without thinking too deeply but if it’s a relationship you want, then that is a whole different matter. It’s deeper and it comes with emotions and your heart is involved and,” she sighed, “when your heart is already damaged it’s hard to risk it again.” She arched an eyebrow and smiled. “Especially when it’s with another bloody drummer.”
“Shit.” I groaned and sagged back against the sofa. “I never thought of that. No wonder she fucking hates me half the time.”
I thought back to all the names she’d called me and the sarcasm she’d sent my way and it all made sense. I couldn’t help but smile. We’d had some really shitty arguments over the years, and I always wondered why it was me more than the other guys that got the sharp end of her tongue. I always knew us havinghad a relationship had something to do with it but seeing as we hadn’t ended badly it was still a bit of a mystery. But I knew. It was the damn instrument that I played as much as her feelings for me that scared her.
“What do I do, Al?” I asked. “How do I get her to see that I’m not him?”
She laughed quietly. “With something you’re not too blessed with, sweetheart. Patience.”
“No, I don’t have much of that at all.” My laugh was hollow because I knew she was right. If I was going to make Daisy see how much I cared about her, I would need to take it slowly and not go in there like a bull at a gate, like I usually did.
“There’s something else,” Ali said, and my heart missed a beat.
“W-what?” My hands were trembling, wondering what the hell else there could be.
“God, no, nothing with Destiny. Well, not directly.”
“Thank god for that.” I breathed out a sigh of relief. “What then?”
“Only do this if you know for certain it’s what you want. If she got her heart broken again, I’m not sure she’d survive it.”
I shook my head and sighed. “Funny that, because I’m not sure I would either.”
She gave me a wry smile and then laughed. “Who’d have thought, you and Destiny? I mean, I knew you had that thing on the first tour, but I thought it was all over. Does anyone else know?”
“God no. We decided there’s nothing to tell.”
“Who decided that?” Ali raised an eyebrow. “Because the state you’re in tells me that there is most definitely something to tell.”
“According to her, we’re just having sex. Nothing else to it.”
“Yet you come barging in here demanding to know how to prove you’re a better man than the twat she used to be with. Oh, and for the record, I have it on good authority that his death was extremely painful and he had no one at his bedside, except an agency nurse who’d never met him before. I also heard that in the last few weeks he’d lost every ounce of self-respect with strangers wiping his arse for him.” She patted my knee. “Cancer is a hideous disease, sweetheart. It’s cruel and unforgiving and painful, yet I can’t think of a better way for that bastard to die, and that is another thing I feel guilty for. What sort of person thinks that?”
“That’s two of us then.” I shook my head. “Because other than me gutting him and stuffing his own balls into his mouth, I think it’s perfect for a fucking cunt like that. If that means I have nothing but bad luck for the rest of my life and end up dying in a similar way, then so be it.”
Ali gave me a soft smile. “Because she’s worth it?”
I nodded slowly. “She is, and I have to be patient so that she can see that. She doesn’t think she is. She’s under the impression that a few secret shags with me is all she deserves, but she is so wrong, Al.” All the bravado about not wanting a relationship was to protect herself. The crap about not being able to give me children was an excuse. “You know she said we would never work because she can’t give me children.”
Ali’s eyes widened. “Wow. That sounds like a serious conversation.”
“It was just one of the things she threw at me,” I replied with a wry smile. “I don’t even want kids. Even if I did it wouldn’t matter to me. I think we could have something great, Al, and I wouldn’t risk the chance of missing that just because she couldn’t produce some child who would more than likely grow up to be an addicted twat like me.”
