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Steeling myself, I picked up my phone trying to decide what to do next, when there was a knock on the door. I knew exactly who it was, and my stomach swooped with a mixture of excitement and nerves.
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” Joey pushed past me, his hands hanging off the back of his neck and his eyes bulging with red hot rage. “How did I not know that Vinny Clemente was the fucking shit who knocked you about? Why did I have to force Ali into telling me?”
Vinny Clemente.
I hated that name. I never spoke it. I never even thought it.
Fear spiked, even though he was dead. He couldn’t hurt me anymore, yet my hands were clammy, and my stomach was rolling the moment Joey said those two words. How the hell had he managed to get it out of Ali? She’d promised me that she wouldn’t tell anyone. She knew how important it was for me to keep it quiet. How ashamed I was of that time andthatrelationship.
“Any chance you can keep your voice down?” I glanced up and down the corridor, thankful it was empty.
“No there fucking isn’t.” Joey shook his head. “Not a chance. I’m so damn angry.”
Any warm thoughts I’d been having about him disappeared with his tone. Anyone would think that I was the loathsome dickhead who’d thought it was okay to beat a woman until she could barely move.
As I leaned back against the door, trying to gather myself, Joey spun around to face me, his nostrils flaring as he took a deep breath. “How did I not know?” he cried. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it was none of your business.” I shook my head and gave him a nonchalant half-shrug, even though I was burning upinside. “We were just having sex. No ties, nothing serious. And he was in my past.”
Joey paused and narrowed his eyes on me. “You said,were. What does that mean?”
“I don’t understand.” I frowned, totally lost at where he was going with the conversation.
“Yes you do.” Fisted hands went to his hips. “You said,were. Does that mean we’re ended, or does it mean that it’s no longer just sex and it’s now serious and thereareties?”
My stomach turned again, anxious that Joey could read my emotions. Hating that maybe he’d picked up on something that I was trying to keep to myself.
“No, don’t be so ridiculous.” I scoffed, maybe a little too vehemently.
It was a total lie, but he couldn’t know that my feelings had changed. I wouldn’t let him because it didn’t matter what I thought I wanted. It was what I needed that mattered, and that was not another drummer with my heart in his hands. Yes, I’d been ready to tell him how I really felt, but the moment he’d stepped through my hotel door, I knew that I would be risking too much. He was too beautiful, too dangerous, too appealing to everyone. And, as soon as he’d mentioned that name, everything I’d thought I was ready for felt too petrifying.
Joey studied me for a few seconds and then shook his head. “That doesn’t matter now, what does is the fact that one of the most famous rock stars in the world took away your future.”
Hah, funny how he’d used the same phrase as I had about my future being stolen. It was true, he had, but it also meant that Joey and I were too alike for anything serious to work between us.
“The fucker is in the rock n roll hall of fame, Daisy. I can’t believe I had no clue that you’d even dated him, never mind lived with him, got pregnant by him.”
Emotion scratched at my throat, so I swallowed it back and said, “I repeat, it wasn’t any of your business.”
He took a deep breath and thinned his lips before exhaling very slowly. “Did that fucker ever put things right before he died?” he asked with his hands clenched into fists at his sides, and his brown eyes staring at me, demanding an answer.
“How the hell do you think he could do that?” I shook my head, unable to comprehend such a ridiculous statement. “Pay for a womb transplant or something?”
Joey’s mouth dropped open before he swiped a hand across it, muffling a groan.
“What?” I asked. “Too close to the bone.”
“This is serious, Daisy. That cunt killed your baby and any chances you had of any others. Why did he not end up behind bars? How come you never had him arrested?” He was waving his arms about and his tone sounded accusatory, and I wasn’t sure I liked it.
“You’re blamingme?” I cried, stabbing a finger at my chest.
“No, of course I’m not blaming you! I’m just asking why the fuck he was still walking around free for all those years you worked for us before he died?” He strode away from me, stopping in front of the floor to ceiling window that overlooked Dublin’s waterfront. Drawing in a breath he slammed his forehead against the glass. “When we were on tour in America, I sat in a hotel bar with that fucker for hours and downed two bottles of tequila with him.” He slammed a big hand next to his head and slid it down leaving a smudged handprint. “I made you sit with us, Dais’.” As his voice cracked, Joey turned slowly to look at me with eyes full of pain and torture. “We’d had sex in your room, and I went down to the bar to score. Vinny was there and persuaded me to have a drink with him and then you came looking for me andImadeyousit with us.” He doubled over, his hands dropping to his knees. “Fuck, Daisy, I made you sit therewith the fucking monster who hurt you and killed your baby. The cunt who ruined your life.”
As he slowly straightened, I felt bile rise in my throat. He’d had no idea that night how petrified I was sitting at the same table as Vinny. In fact, I was pretty sure he’d seen my silence as nerves at meeting a megastar, because that was what Vinny was. A megastar with a dark side that his fans had no idea about. When I’d walked into the bar it had been a huge jolt to see him at the same table as Joey. Shock and fear had me glued to the floor, my legs too wobbly to move so when Joey’s head turned my way it was too late. I’d thought about making a run for it but then Vinny noticed me, too. When he smirked at me and licked his lips my stupid pride kicked in. I was determined he wasn’t going to scare me ever again, and so I joined them at their table. Every single second was torture and when Vinny put his hand on my thigh, I almost screamed. It was at that point that I knew I was being stupid and didn’t need to prove myself to anyone, least of all him. I pushed his hand away and said I was going to bed and the next day I ended things with Joey. He’d spoiled what we were beginning to have by inviting a monster into our lives. Seeing them together, two drummers, drinking and exchanging stories made me realise that I couldn’t risk everything, including my life, for a second time. What if he was just like Vinny and got violent? What if he continued the spiral of drug taking and took me with him? What if he wanted things that I’d never be able to give him?
As I thought about that night, Joey groaned out a loud curse.
“That was why you ended it, wasn’t it?” He’d made the connection quicker than I’d expected. I was surprised he had made it at all, seeing as he was high and pissed at the time. “I got you to sit with us and then the next day you told me that we were over.”
